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Wrapping himself around me, and me around him, Alejandro crashes us down onto the bed. Our mouths fuse together, feasting as if starved for one another. I’m so wet now that he slides inside of me without guidance, setting a furious pace that threatens to take me over the edge once again.
Electricity lights a path through all of my cells, firing me up from the inside. I feel like a live wire, ready to combust even as I try to hold myself together. Alejandro will be my undoing, mark my words.
Buried deep inside of me, he’s completely lost as he reaches for his own state of bliss, and while I am enjoying every second more than words can say, I am also committing every detail to memory in case it’s all I have to look back on one day.
I hold onto the backs of his arms, feeling the raw power within. I listen to his heavy breathing, straining with each movement. I soak in the summery fragrance of his cologne, a faint backdrop to the musky scent of sex that now envelopes us. The strength of his thighs against the backs of mine. The way my feet hang over them, my calves pressing down as I cling to him.
I never want this night to end.
But I know it has to. Everything good comes to an end.
When his breaths begin to shallow and become more labored, and Alejandro buries his face in my shoulder, I know he’s dancing the cliff’s edge of release. I hold on tighter, wanting to claim all of him, taking pleasure in the fact that he’s coming undone because of me.
And then a moment of startling clarity explodes inside my head.
“Don’t come inside me,” I tell him, and it takes work to keep the almost frantic tone out of my voice. “Don’t come inside me.”
He doesn’t say anything, and I am left to wait and see if he’s listening as his hips jerk, losing their fluid momentum. His pace slows significantly, and it’s almost as if time stands still as his release takes hold. He gives one last thrust, pauses briefly, then pulls out, jerking himself off into the mound of matted up blankets.
We remain tangled together while he catches his breath, but me? I measure the last few moments, praying like hell and cursing myself for being such an idiot.
Ten years ago, my husband had a vasectomy. I never had a need for birth control. Until now. In our lust-filled haze, it never even occurred to me to use protection. I guess what they say is true: old habits die hard. The only problem is that while my husband could no longer get me pregnant, Alejandro most certainly can.
Fuck.
7
After divesting us of our remaining clothes, Alejandro scoops me up as if I weigh nothing and climbs farther up onto the bed, arranging me along his side so we face each other and pulling the blankets over us so we don’t catch a chill.
He’s thoughtful, I observe, which only endears me to him even more. Instead of me curling into him, though, he rests his head on my chest, his arm cinching tight around my waist so that we’re holding each other. The only difference is that he’s taken the more vulnerable stance this time.
I run my fingers through his thick hair, down the back of his neck, press my lips to his temple, the side of his head, and so on. Loving on him because I just can’t seem to stop. In turn, his fingers trail slowly down the exposed half of my back, pressing gently into the indentations of my spine as though he’s counting each vertebra.
In the absence of sex, it’s so quiet. The most peaceful silence I have ever known.
Home—that’s what this feels like. Alejandro feels like home.
Once again, I am floored. How can this man have come to mean so much in such a short amount of time? Am I that much of a hopeless romantic, or is it something more? Soul mates, perhaps?
You’re a fucking loon, Julie, I admonish myself, because it occurs to me that I might be falling in love, and it’s just too damn soon for that.
Wiping the thought out of my mind, I take the time to absorb every single moment. I love the way Alejandro feels in my arms and the way I feel in his. Strangely, I feel almost protective of him. Or maybe I feel protective ofus, as if sheltering this moment from any outside sources that might threaten to take this slice of serenity away from me.
Time passes slowly, but also too fast for my liking. Neither of us is eager to move, to draw a conclusion on tonight. Maybe we are both experiencing the same nostalgia and worry that this thing happening between us won’t last. It reminds me of that analogy about the candle that burns twice as bright only lasting half as long.
I kiss the side of his head again, grip his hair between my fingers a little tighter, and sigh a little deeper. Turning his face up to mine, Alejandro meets my eyes, and there’s a ray of peace yet solemnity lurking in them.
I reflect on how we didn’t use protection. About how it never even occurred to me. The potential repercussions. “You make me crazy,” I tell him.
He huffs a laugh and, placing a gentle hand on the back of my head, he brings my face down to his for a sweet kiss. I hope I make him crazy too. It just wouldn’t be fair for this to be one-sided.
The passion between us stirs, creating a slow-turning whirlpool in the air between us, but neither of us acts on it. Rather, we continue to taste and savor one another with the kind of calmness that can only follow the kind of ravenous hunger we attacked each other with just moment before.
Hitching a leg over his hip, I wiggle as close to him as I can get, leaving no room for air between our heated bodies. “You fit perfect right here,” I point out, referring to the way my hips cradle him as though he’s the missing piece to my puzzle. “I think you should stay right here forever.”
“Hmmm…no.” He chuckles. “I can’t stay. You know that.”
“Yeah.” Sadly, I do. Once Alejandro’s job is up here, he’s heading back home. Yesterday I would have said that it was okay, that I preferred to keep him at a distance so it wouldn’t interfere with the dynamics of the life that I now find myself in and am still continuing to adjust to.
