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Now? I hate the very idea of him being away from me for even a single second. I want him in my bed, beside me, tonight. Tomorrow night. And the night after that, and the one after that.
It’s just further proof that sex makes people crazy.
I shouldn’t be thinking this way, long-term, but I can’t help myself. No matter how much I’d like to claim that I can be a casual relationship kind of woman, the hopeless romantic inside of me desires companionship on the deepest level possible.
If only I knew how to pump the breaks, slow shit down and give myself some time to think, to settle in. But my heart is speeding out of control, leading the race without me, the driver, having any say in where we’re going.
I am helpless in my desire. I don’t really care.
Sometimes, you just have to go with the flow and see where life takes you. Take the risk. Does that mean I might get my heart broken again? Definitely. But I’m also painfully aware that you don’t always get to choose your path in life, and if you avoid every twist and turn on the road, you’ll end up missing out on some of the most amazing things. So, even though I’m guarded, even though I’m afraid of what lies ahead, I’ve decided that I’m going to take it a step at a time and just enjoy the ride while I’m on it.
Maybe it will turn out horrible. Or maybe it will be the best damn experience of my life. Only time will tell.
“Are you going to get in trouble for being out so late?”
I glance at the clock on the nightstand. It’s late, but not terribly so. The problem is that I left the kids with my mother, and she’s a worrywart. If I stay out too long, she’ll think I’m lying dead in a ditch somewhere, but it’s not late enough to cause much concern yet.
“No, but I should probably head out soon to be safe.” The idea of leaving is abominable. Every cell in my body revolts, but I shake it off, knowing I can’t stay any more than he can. Why does time have to be so finite?
Alejandro grunts, a sound that I take to mean he’s not crazy about the idea of me leaving either. “I can’t believe this all started with a dating site.”
I laugh. “Me either.” Who would have thought that the first man I chose to meet I’d have so much chemistry with?
“I’m glad you didn’t turn out to be a man.”
“I’m glad you’re not a serial killer.”
I stroke his hair again. Every bit of tonight is being committed to memory, not a single detail left out. If I never see him again, he’ll be burned into my memory for a lifetime.
“What if your roommate comes back?” I ask, glancing at the door.
Alejandro’s fingers dance over the curve of my hip. “He can sleep in the hall.”
Well then. I shake with laughter.
“Mami?”
“Yeah?” My voice is nothing more than a whisper.
“I have to leave tomorrow.”
My heart speeds up. “I thought you were here for a while?”
“We finished the job today.”
I swear I hear the proverbial shoe drop. “When will you come back?”
“I don’t know. It depends if my boss needs me here or if he’ll send me somewhere else.”
Suddenly, I feel like I’ve been used. Maybe it’s my naturally suspicious mind. He’s gotten what he wanted, and now he’s taking off in search of greener pastures. I want to hit him. I want to hold on tighter. Desperately, I try my best not to assume the worst.
My silence spurs him on. “I’ll be back as soon as I can. Will you wait for me?”
The question is a balm to my fragile heart. “Should I?”
“Will you?”
It doesn’t escape my notice that he didn’t answer my question, but I consider it. I already know my answer, but I play it cool in an attempt not to appear too eager or agreeable. I don’t want to bethatwoman, the one who shows all her cards to her detriment.
