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“Maybe you’ve forgotten that Steven was my brother.” I rub my palm across my jaw and throw myself on the couch, trying to tone down my anger. “Look. I get it, Jax. I know that this is important. It’s important to both of us. I know what this means and that’s why I’d never do anything to jeopardize that. You have to trust me, just like I trust you. She’s just a girl. She doesn’t mean anything.”
“Good,” he says. “Is she hot?”
I laugh. “It’s ridiculous how hot she is.”
“Hotter than Ashlee?”
All air leaves my lungs. “No. She’s better.”
KY
Age Sixteen
“I just don’t understand why he has to follow us everywhere,” Ashlee said.
I looked over at Jackson sitting on the couch in the living room while the party went on around him. He was on the Xbox with a couple of other guys. I turned back to my girlfriend. “He’s not bothering anyone. He just wants to hang out, what’s the big deal?”
Her hands flattened against my chest as she kicked off the wall. She rose to her toes, her breath fanning my ear when she said, “I just want some alone time with you. We’ve been together six months, and he’s always around. What happens if I ask you to take me upstairs to fool around? Is he going to come knocking on every door looking for you?”
I pulled back so I could see her face. She was buzzed but not so out of it that she didn’t know what she was saying. I raised my eyebrows in question.
She bit her lip and nodded.
And that was all I needed.
I grabbed her hand and led her to the back of the couch, where I leaned over and told Jackson exactly where I’d be and what I’d be doing. He nodded, his eyes never leaving the TV.
Then I led her upstairs to an empty room. She slipped out of her dress and stood there in nothing but her underwear and heels. Goddamn she was sexy. She was the hottest girl in the entire school. Somehow, luck was on my side and she chose me. “Lock the door,” she said.
I obliged.
She lay back on the bed, one of her hands going between her legs. “Come here,” she said.
I again obliged.
After five minutes of making out and grinding and hands and fingers anywhere and everywhere, she finally said, “Make love to me, Ky.”
I, of course, obliged.
***
I spent every spare second over the next few months with Ashlee. We’d find ways to sneak around just to have sex. By then, Christine had turned her craft room into my room, so I had my own space. I’d sneak her in while everyone was asleep. Jackson knew, but he would never rat me out.
The day I turned seventeen; the family took me out to dinner. It was low-key, the way I wanted it. I’d invited Steve, my brother, to join us, but he said he had to work—he’d pick me up after and do something—just the two of us.
Steve, nineteen at the time, had dropped out of school a while ago. He surfed from one couch to another until his friends finally kicked him out.
A few weeks after I’d moved in, Christine invited him over for dinner. To say that it was awkward was an understatement. Christine fussed about the entire event—making sure that Steven felt comfortable. I could tell that he tried, but it was hard for him. He’d grown up the way I did, so he wasn’t used to the attention. At some point, he pulled out his wallet and emptied the content on the table. “It’s not much,” he said, “but it should cover Ky’s meals and board for a few weeks. I’ll get more to you later.”
Christine told him to hush. Jeff told him it wasn’t necessary. I looked on in shock, not knowing what to do. It was more than just an offering from Steve’s end though, and I understood where he was coming from. Especially when I sat with him out on the porch while he had a smoke after dinner. His eyes were fixed on our old house. I say house because it was never a home. Not like it was with the Davis’s. “I’m sorry, Ky,” he said. “I should’ve been there.”
“You didn’t know,” I told him. “You couldn’t have changed it.”
He shook his head. “Not just that night. I mean, all the nights before that.” He rubbed his eyes and for the first time in my life I saw my brother as more than just my brother. I saw him as a man. And as a kid. All at once. “I should’ve taken you with me when I left. I just wanted to get out of there so bad that I didn’t—” he broke off with a sigh. “I was so selfish, Ky. And I hate myself for letting this shit happen to you.” He looked up at me, and then to the house behind us where we could hear Christine’s unrestricted laugh. “I’m just glad it worked out for you. It’s not too late to turn your life around. You don’t have to become a statistic, Ky. You can be anything you want now.”
Steve—he was a good guy—at least to me. To the outside world, however, he was sketchy at best. He spent his time between flipping burgers at a ratty diner downtown and partying hard. By ‘Partying hard’, I meant copious amounts of drugs and alcohol. And even though I was around it my entire life, he still managed to keep that part of himself hidden from me—and I was grateful for that.
I didn’t need to watch his decline on top of everything else.
***
After hours of waiting for him at home, and numerous unreturned phone calls, I pushed aside the disappointment and anger and called Ashlee. I needed a release. I knew she was always up for that.
“Is Steve here?” Christine asked as I passed the living room. Jackson didn’t look up from the TV. I knew he was upset, though he’d never admit it. He wanted to go out for my birthday—even if Steve was involved. Jax saw Steve like the rest of the world did—a nomad with no ambition and no future. But Steve loved me and I loved him. We were blood brothers and nothing could take that away, even him standing me up on my birthday.
