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Because that was the gist of it, right? He did seem a bit confused about it, which is weird, but in the end, he did say“I love her.”Right?
I replay that conversation in my mind as I undress and slip into my bed.
“Are you in love with my cousin?”I’d asked.
“I am. Of course I am,”he’d replied.
There you have it. And of course he was confused at first. He was wounded, lost too much blood, had a bad flashback, lost control of his magic, kissed me… He has to be kicking himself now for that last bit.
I turn on my side and close my eyes. Something is under my pillow and I pull it out.
Ophelia’s diary. I haven’t told her I have it. She hasn’t asked. Did she even realize it was missing?
I stare at its cover, suddenly angry. It’s a weird thing to be angry at an inanimate object, but I throw it across the room anyway, with a small cry.
“Damn you,” I breathe, annoyed that I’m still crying. “Damn you and your lying words.”
Was it me? Did I misunderstand what she wrote? Did she write the truth and is lying now? What is the truth?
“They didn’t hurt me,”she said.“I’m here to help them.”
Then what am I doing here? If the boys aren’t sure I can help them, aren’t sure they want me… why not leave and let my cousin save them? It’s not as if I know what I’m doing.
Then I remember the enchantment, the malevolence I’d sensed, Sindri returning from the meeting with her at the party yesterday saying she had almost forced him to shift, and I sigh.
No, I can’t leave just yet, remember? Not until I know what she came to do… And that my boys are okay.
I dream of words. They dance on the air, burning like flames, forming sentences I can’t make out, spells and poems and stories I long to read. Then I hear my cousin’s voice. She’s reciting an epic of times long past, about the four animals and the four elements, the four cardinal points of the circle and the world, and I know it’s important, but when I call out her name, she falls silent.
It’s cold.
I’m scared.
I want to go home but I can’t. I remember… a woman, so sweet and kind, holding me in her arms.Mom, I think.Mom, where are you?I’m sitting on the steps of a church and crying with the despair of a child whose mom has left and vanished and isn’t coming back.Mom?
The door of the church opens and a man appears, his face stern.“Come inside, Maddie,”he says.“We are your parents now.”
I’m so sad. I lift my hand, small and chubby, and the earth rises with me, dust and small pebbles. I move my fingers and the wind blows and scatters it. I snap my fingers and they catch fire. I wiggle them, and rain falls on them, putting the fire out.
“And we don’t play with magic!”the man barks.“Come inside now!”
I’m shaking, with fear, with sorrow, with loss. All was lost to me—my mom, her love, the magic. I am imprisoned within four walls and all that made me happy was stripped away.
“Mia?” a warm, male voice says, muffled as if from a distance. There is a knock. “Are you okay?”
My nose is so full of snot I can hardly breathe. I have my face buried in my pillow, I realize, sobbing quietly. I’m not at the Church. I’m okay. It was a dream, and I’m okay.
“Mia?” The door opens.
Someone climbs into bed with me, slips his arms around me and I turn, curling into his warmth. He smells tantalizingly familiar and sexy, like wood smoke and crushed pine needles. His chest is solid, muscular, his arms around me strong and reassuring. His heart beats steadily under my ear, his chin rests on top of my head, and closing my eyes, I go back to sleep, this time without troubling dreams.
9
EMRYS
Irarely sleep at night. And I don’t meanthroughthe night, no, that would be a fucking miracle. I mean sleep for more than an hour or two, with me not waking up drenched in cold sweat. Can’t remember what that’s like. A peaceful waking. Sleep that isn’t made up of nightmares.
It wasn’t always this bad. I had nightmares as a kid. I guess many kids do. Mine were the screaming-your-head-off, wet-your-pants, fall-out-of-bed kind, though. And nobody ever wondered why.
