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“I can’t afford to be with someone who can’t help me,” Emrys snaps. “I can’t keep the dragon back, the nightmares, the memories… You don’t know what it’s like. I need it to stop.”
Ashton’s words from this morning come back to my mind.“We all have them, man. Fucking nightmares.”
He shoves me back a step and stalks away, his gait a little unsteady. He looks drunk, but I bet his fury is fueling him. His fury that’s fed by a girl who is sucking his soul out little by little, keeping him trapped in a net that won’t let him see the truth.
Then again… isn’t love supposed to work that way, too? And the way I feel about him, the pain his words inflicted… A blade that cuts both ways.
Which is why I’ve always detested love.
And now I’m caught in it, too.
Dammit.
19
MIA
I’m sitting on the bleachers, a sandwich in my hand, watching the Scale-ball teams train. I can make out Jason in his blue T-shirt doing push-ups in a small sea of blue-clad guys. His blond hair gleams like gold in the midday sun.
If this is the only way I have of checking on him, then so be it—from a distance, hiding in the usual small crowd haunting the bleachers, the girls ogling the boys who are training and the boys ogling the cheerleading squad practicing their moves. The cheerleaders aren’t here right now, though, and thank God for that. Not sure I want to see Zoey and her gang, or Ophelia for that matter. It would put me off my sandwich.
I pick out a piece of lettuce and chew on it, watching as Jason does squats. If I close my eyes and reach out, I can sense his magic, a low hum that seems to vibrate through my bones, a solid banner through the chaos of unorganized magic around me. My boys really have the strongest elemental magic at this school, probably the whole city, if not the country. Everyone else’s power is puny and thin like a spiderweb compared to theirs and…
Another strong presence pings on my senses, though frayed around the edges, and I open my eyes, knowing whom I will see.
Emrys appears entering the field, wearing the red T-shirt of his team. His teammates yell out his name and clap his back as he joins them.
Huh.I thought he’d still be knocked out, and I frown when he staggers.Oh my God. These pig-headed boys…
I’m on my feet, trying to see what’s going on. Emrys’ teammates scatter and I see him join them in doing exercises. Because yeah, that’s what you do when you’re not steady on your feet. A few push-ups and sit-ups are just the thing.
Then I almost squeal when someone elbows me in the ribs.
“Hey!” Vanessa grins at me and sits down. “What are you obsessing over? Boys? Oh right. As you were. I can see the source of distraction now.”
I sigh and sit back down, cradling my sandwich. “Hey.”
I used to like her. But she sided with Melissa and offered some dubious advice. How had she phrased it?“You don’t need truth to destroy someone.”She’d wanted me to lie to incriminate the boys—but then Melissa had said she had proof.
So I bite into my sandwich to buy some time in which to school my expression and order my thoughts.
“You’re hard to find these days,” she says. She’s eating potato chips, giving me a long, appraising look as she crunches into them. “You don’t want to hang out anymore? Too cool for the likes of me these days?”
“It’s not that,” I hedge, putting my sandwich down in my lap. “Been busy, is all.”
“Busy magicking?”
“Well. Yeah, I guess.” I wince. It feels strange to admit to using magic even if it’s only just to sense my boys. It’s the only thing I’ve done on purpose and yet I think I can hear Father’s voice in my head, scolding me, telling me how it’s a sin and how I’ll end up in Hell. The urge to kneel on the bleachers and recite ten Hail Marys is still strong.
“You may be all wrapped up in those boys,” she says, “oblivious to the world spinning away around you, all your attention caught up in that connection. Falling in love is such a rush! But you’d do well to keep some friends around you.”
“Why does this sound like a veiled threat?”
“Oh, it’s not.” She crunches on a chip thoughtfully. “Just saying. Others were caught in the net of love before, girlie. Think you’re the first? It makes you deaf and blind to problems, to reality. You came here to hurt these boys for a reason.”
“But that reason was a misunderstanding.”
“Right… Ophelia told you so, has she?”
