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“You’ll probably know this one,” Cassie said, still working on the crossword. “First female graduate of a US medical school, starts with a—”
“Elizabeth Blackwell,” Erin said.
“Nerd.”
Erin bumped her shoulder against Cassie’s. “As if you can’t tell me the first female US astronaut.”
“Yeah, but everyone knows Sally Ride,” Cassie said. “And I’m not going to be an astronaut!”
“Of course not.”
Cassie made a show of ignoring her and going back to the crossword. Erin couldn’t help but keep looking at her—she was so damn pretty. Her blond hair a lion’s mane and her skin with a glow even in March. Eventually Cassie caught her looking. Erin smiled, felt her face warm.
“This is nice,” she said.
Cassie grinned. “You gonna come visit when I live here this summer and bring me breakfast in bed?”
“That’s your favorite part of this morning?” Erin raised her eyebrows.
“You got something better?”
“Maybe after you finish the crossword.”
Cassie immediately filled the unsolved boxes with random letters, then held it up. “Look. Done.”
Erin laughed. “When’s your flight?
Erin sped the entire way to the airport. They didn’t have time for her to park and come in with Cassie. They didn’t even have timefor Erin to get out of the car—Cassie kissed her hard over the console.
“Thanks, babe, I’ll text from the plane.”
“Have a good flight!” Erin called after her.
Cassie [Today 1:23 PM]
Had to fight the gate agent so they wouldn’t close the door on me, but I made it
Erin’s good feeling after seeing Cassie only lasted until she made it home to Nashua. By then, her mind had caught up with her.
Last night, Cassie had talked about Caltech. She had saidif. Almost twenty-four hours later and Erin was still trying not to read too much into it. It wasn’t like they could keep doing this, even if Cassie didn’t move across the country for grad school. This morning, Erin had made a mental note to wear Cassie’s clothes more often. When was that supposed to happen? That night was their only shot. Even with Cassie in Boston for the summer, it wasn’t like she and Erin would get time alone together.
Erin couldn’t ask Cassie to go to MIT. She couldn’t ask anything of her. Cassie was weeks away from turning twenty-two. She had her whole life in front of her, the entire world in front of her. She could do anything. Erin wasn’t about to hold her back.
It’d beennice,validating, that a hot younger person was so into her. But Erin couldn’t act like they were something they weren’t. They weren’t dating. They weren’t in a relationship. They couldn’t be. Even if that was something Cassie wanted, it could never work.
Parker couldneverknow Erin and Cassie had so much as flirted. There was no way it could go anything but horribly. Erin cared about Cassie—a lot—but she wasn’t willing to lose her daughter.
So, she wouldn’t ask Cassie to go to MIT. She wouldn’t imagine what it could be like, to keep her close. She would allow herself what she could for the summer, and then she would say goodbye.
This was why they didn’t talk about it. This was why Erin didn’t think about it.
This was why, at coffee the next week, when Rachel asked how Erin had been, Erin just said, “Good,” instead of giving details she knew her best friend would’ve loved.
Though once she thought about it, Erin realized lately Rachel hadn’t been as pushy when it came to her love life. The thought gnawed at her while Rachel talked about her trip to Greece at the beginning of the summer.
Erin expressed the appropriate amount of enthusiasm and interest in Rachel’s Greek Isles itinerary, and then blurted out: “You haven’t tried to get me to go on any double dates or some other ridiculous thing lately.”
“I know you’re busy getting everything ready for the clinic.” Rachel went with the subject change like it was normal conversation instead of a non sequitur. “Plus, you’ve got your sexting friend, right?”
