Page 108 of Mistakes Were Made

Erin blinked at her.

“Do you not?”

It was the first week of April. Erin had told Rachel about the sexting exactly once, and it was right after it first happened. On Valentine’s Day.

“How’d you know we were still…” She trailed off rather than trying to find a word for whatever was happening between her and Cassie.

“No one smiles at their phone as much as you do if they’re not sexting someone.”

Erin stared at her. “I know you said you do it at the grocery store or whatever, but we’ve never sexted while I waswith you.”

Rachel waved a hand like it didn’t really matter. “You know what I mean,” she said, but Erin didn’t.

She hadn’t realized she smiled at her phone that often.

“You seem happy lately, is all.”

Erin felt her cheeks heat. She tried for nonchalance. “Do I?”

“I like the way it looks on you,” Rachel said quietly.

They were having a moment—two friends who had known each other since college, sitting in a coffee shop a decade and a half later, talking about happiness.

“Plus,” Rachel said, “last week you were practically glowing. Either you changed your skin care routine, or you got railed.”

Ah. Moment over.

At least Rachel didn’t mine for more info about Erin’s sexting friend. She was relentless when she wanted details, but she also seemed to have a sixth sense for when Erin needed to be let off the hook.

Before the divorce was final, after Adam had moved out, Erin had thrown out her back rearranging furniture. It had been awful—she couldn’t stand up or sit down or twist her body without pain shooting up and down her spine. When Rachel came over to check on her, Erin was flat on the floor; her bed was too soft. Rachel, God love her, hadn’t asked anything about why Erin decided shehadto rearrange the furniture right then, by herself. She also had hydrocodone.

Erin remembered when the drugs kicked in. It hadn’t so much been that she couldn’t feel the pain—the pain was still there, obvious, like a brick, but it hadn’t actuallyhurt. Everything felt smooth. She and Rachel ordered pizza, and Erin opened the door and paid the delivery guy and carried the box to the kitchen, all without crying out. She could do anything she wanted, even though her body still knew something was off.

That was what being around Cassie was like. The knowledge that she shouldn’t, that it was wrong, that it was aterribleidea, was all there. But Erin felt good anyway. She could be fucking everything up, but she felt good anyway.

The next Sunday, on their weekly call, Parker said, “Cassie got this job in Boston.”

This was bound to happen sometime: Parker mentioning something Erin had already heard from Cassie. Erin tried to act appropriately unaware. “Did she?”

“Yeah. Some engineering thing, obviously. Apparently it’s a big deal.”

“Well, that’s great for her.”

“Yeah. And you know, like, Boston is pretty close. We’ve been talking about her visiting Nashua on weekends and stuff.”

“Of course she can come visit,” Erin said. She had no idea how she’d handle being under the same roof as both Parker and Cassie again. “But you don’t even know where you’ll be this summer yet, do you? Or have you found something?”

The line was quiet. Erin silently cursed herself. She didn’t know what she’d done wrong but she must’ve done something. She’d treaded so carefully around Parker since that first Sunday she hadn’t called. Their conversations had been stunted for a while, now, but it had been getting better. Parker hadn’t gone quiet and surly on her since they’d finally talked about the divorce. Clearly Erin had messed up, somehow, because her brain had time to anxiety spiral before Parker finally responded.

“I was thinking of, maybe, like, just staying at home this summer.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Like, I know I’m supposed to dosomething,but I did stuff every summer of high school, right? Stuff to look good on college applications. So I know I should be preparing for whatever I want to do after college—grad school or a job or whatever. But I don’t know what I want to do yet. And school’s been kicking my butt. And I kind of just want to… relax.”

“That sounds like a great idea.”

“Really?”

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