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I shook my head. “Forget it,” I said. Because I wanted to, desperately. I tried to forget about the soft look in his eye. Forget about the warmth of his hands on my arms, pulling me close. Forget about how we almost kissed. How I thought for one stupid moment that he might actually like me.
He stared at me for a while, like he was trying to figure me out, dissect the thoughts inside my head.Well, good luck, I wanted to say. I barely knew what I was thinking, much less feeling. When Carson and I were apart, everything became clear again, like staring down into the surf of the ocean once the seafoam dissolved and the water cleared. I knew what we were, the lines were clearly drawn. But lately, when I was with him . . . the line blurred. The surf made everything hazy, and I was tangled up in knots, unsure of what we were anymore. Enemies no longer seemed to fit.
We stayed silent on the drive to Bake and Batter. Once we arrived, it was a brief stop. We gathered up the waiting presents people had bought and dropped off, along with a handful of snowflake tags that had gone unclaimed. Then we headed for the Lakeside Outlets to do our shopping.
Carson pulled into the parking lot of the strip mall. We sat in the car for a moment, and I grew edgy in the silence. It was clear we wouldn’t discuss the party since I blew it off, but the arguing outside my house was another issue. I had no clue whether to address it. It felt a bit like the proverbial elephant in the room, and I almost wished for our usual fighting. Arguing with Carson and picking on him might somehow help to ease this ever-present ache in my chest.
I glanced over at him, having no idea what was going through his head as he stared out the windshield in the silence. I half expected him to make a joke of it. But he didn’t. Instead, he turned to me, his expression serious. “I thought of some other things we should get for the families.”
I practically sighed in relief. He wasn’t dwelling on my parent’s fighting, so why should I? “Really?”
“Yeah. I think it’s great that we’re getting the kids clothes and stuff, but I think we need to make sure there are just as many toys. I mean, the clothes are a necessity, but this is probably one of the only times a year they get things they want, not just things they need.”
I felt a smile slide its way onto my face. “I agree.”
“And I think we should get each family new towels and dishrags. I was even thinking about some new sheets. I actually called Bell and got bed sizes for the families.”
A wave of shame washed over me. There I was mulling over my own issues, while Carson was thinking of others. People who had less than I did, who had more significant problems than their parents feuding. “Linens like that are expensive though,” I said, not wanting to be negative, but knowing with all the other things we needed to purchase there probably wasn’t enough in the budget.
“Not too expensive when you received a donation from Walton department store.” Carson wiggled his brows. “We could buy sheets for days, maybe even get each family a gift card.”
My eyes widened. “Really?”
Carson nodded. “I may have spoken with Harper’s dad.”
“Wow. That’s amazing. And I think that’s a fabulous idea.” I stared at him a moment, my gaze flickering over his face, and when he smiled, his whole face lit up.
“What?” he asked.
“Nothing.” I shook my head and glanced away, then peeked at him again from the corner of my eye.
Carson laughed. “What’s that look for?”
I picked at the chipping pink polish on my thumbnail. “Nothing. I just . . . I’m surprised.”
“What? That I put effort into this?”
“Well, yeah,” I said, laughing.
“It was the least I could do. You budgeted out the groceries to the last penny and made all those lists of yours. Plus, you’ve been picking up the stuff from the Angel Tree on and off, which is so much harder for me with swim practice.”
“I suppose,” I said, though I wasn’t entirely convinced. Carson actually seemed to care, while I had just been going through the motions, too consumed with my own problems. “You’re different than I thought.”
His eyes met mine. “How so?”
“You’re nice.”
We both laughed at that, then I leaned my head back against the seat. The truth was, I thought I had Carson Brooks all figured out. Mr. Carefree, go-with-the-flow, life of the party had a lot more layers to him. Maybe I had been all wrong about him. Perhaps I never really knew him. And if I was wrong, maybe Olivia was wrong too, and he didn’t feel sorry for me.
“It’s kind of fun surprising you,” Carson said, interrupting my thoughts.
I shot him a sidelong glance even as my heart leapt. His dark hair hung in his eyes, and his full lips curved into a grin.
“Carson?” I asked.
“Yeah?”
We both stared straight out into the parking lot as if looking at each other might somehow break this truce—the moment of honesty—we had going.
