AllFreeNovel
Share Us
A thought occurred to her then. It struck her like a tsunami of realisation. If Rachel had lived, wouldn’t she have eventually married Pete? The thought quickly took root and somewhere in the very back of her mind, even if she didn’t want to acknowledge it, she knew, it was forming into something far more substantial than just a possibility. Perhaps when Pete lost Rachel he lost his soul mate?
It was only as she fell asleep that night that another thought settled on her. What if she had gotten it all wrong? What if she had been in love with Pete all along, but Pete had always been Rachel’s? That was how it was meant to be, wasn’t it?
14
There had been no sleep. In fact, Liv felt as if she hadn’t slept in months and she might never sleep soundly again. Instead, she’d lain in bed and was sure she’d counted out each second before she figured that light might be cracking open on the horizon. She imagined it, a thin streak at first, breaking open a new day.
A terrible day.
There was only one thing she had to do today and that was go down to the village and talk to Eddie.Confront him,Maya corrected her. But really, all Liv wanted was the truth, wasn’t it? She wasn’t so sure. Ideally, she’d have liked a palatable version of the truth.
The longer she lay in the dark, the more she realised the reality of it. By hanging on to Eddie, she was stoppinghimfrom having the real thing. Maybe, that’s what he’d have with Anya. And that just made her wail all the more loudly.
‘Huh,’ Maya had snorted as she’d poured them two large brandies when they got back to the farmhouse the previous evening. ‘Medicinal purposes,’ she’d told their father. Soon, she’d managed to put into words what Liv was still struggling to absorb.
‘I always said he wasn’t good enough for you,’ her father had muttered. ‘Couldn’t count the times I said that to your mother. He’s a cheat and a liar and if right was right, he’s getting exactly what suits him in Anya Hegarty.’
‘That’s neither here nor there.’ Her mother had put her arms around Liv who was even more inconsolable at the idea of Eddie and Anya being perfectly suited; it didn’t matter that her father meant it in a bad way, it just felt as if Liv was even further on the outside than before. ‘It’s all right, love, you’ll see. All of this will turn out for the best in the end, even if it’s hard to see it now.’
‘How can you say that, Mum?’ Because Liv felt that on every level her heart was breaking and she’d never survive this enormous blow.
‘Because I know, there’s someone else who’s meant for you and Eddie Quirke has only been standing in the way.’
‘Yes, but what if the only someone else for me has already passed me by?’ She’d thought about that gorgeous ring in Eddie’s workshop then. ‘I thought Eddie was going to propose this Christmas,’ Liv had managed between gulping sobs.
‘Saints preserve us. Well thank goodness he didn’t; that’s all I can say.’ Her father had nodded to Maya; there was no point in him having an empty glass.
So they’d sat around the table while it all tumbled out of Liv. The beautiful engagement ring and the rest. The more she spoke, the more even she could hear the truth of her relationship with Eddie. It had been all take on Eddie’s side and not even a little give. He’d lapped up a free place to stay, home-cooked meals, laundry sorted and free help in the workshop on her days off. She’d been a chauffeur when he was too drunk to drive and a telephone receptionist when his mother called. Actually, the more she’d talked, the more it became apparent that she’d been lavishing him with enough attention for both of them and there had been nothing in return apart from that misguided belief that he loved her, even if he never said it, and the vague hope that one day he would marry her.
Is that all she wanted? For him to somehow become a version (albeit, in hindsight, not a great version) of the husband and future she’d always dreamed of? She could see now, through her tears and her sobbing words, it would never have happened. All right, so she might have eventually pushed him and dragged him towards the altar, but he’d only have been there because he thought there was nothing better anywhere else. That was the truth of it – she could see it now.
By the time breakfast was over – not that she’d been able to eat anything – she knew it was time to go and get herself tidied up and ready for battle. And that was what it felt like. Maya offered to drive her down to Barbara Quirke’s bright and early, well before Eddie was likely to have surfaced, or Barbara would have boiled his two soft eggs and made soldiers.
Sure enough, the Quirke house looked as if it hadn’t yet woken up when Liv rang the front doorbell. The sitting room curtains were pulled tight and a wad of junk mail hung from the letter box. Liv didn’t doubt that Barbara would have snapped that through the door as she’d passed it on the way to the kitchen from her bedroom when she got up for the day. She rang the bell again, knowing only too well that Eddie could bury himself under the quilt all day long and ignore the outside world. She had a feeling that Barbara wouldn’t be quite so resilient; her curiosity would bring her to the door, if nothing else. And then sure enough, she heard the shrill voice from within, ‘I’m coming, for goodness’ sake; keep your hair on, I’m coming.’ Barbara was making her way down the stairs and not sounding exactly pleased at having her beauty sleep interrupted.
‘Oh, it’s you.’
‘Yes,’ Liv said, but this time, Barbara’s severe stare didn’t make her flinch. ‘I’m here to see Eddie.’
‘Eddie? My Eddie? But he isn’t…’ Barbara put a hand to pat down her hair and suddenly, Liv knew, she’d been lying all along. She’d known that Eddie had been up to no good behind Liv’s back. Even if she didn’t know about Anya Hegarty, she’d been complicit in covering his tracks. Had she known when Liv had spent an hour getting her shopping from the supermarket? Or when she’d gotten from her bed just to close a shed door that useless Eddie had probably left open? Liv couldn’t think about that now; it would make her much too mad and she needed a clear head to deal with Eddie.
‘Actually, he is and I want to speak to him now, or else I’ll wait and have it out with him in Flannelly’s bar later where we both know everything that’s said will be round the village jungle drums in no time.’
‘I don’t see why I’d have anything to worry about… It’s not as if my Eddie has ever done anything to have people talking about us,’ Barbara said, but all the same, she peered around the doorframe, up and down the street to make sure that none of the neighbours were catching this exchange.
‘No. Are you quite sure about that…?’
‘Oh, you might as well come in and don’t be making such a huge drama on the doorstep.’
‘He’s in his room?’ But Liv was only confirming it as she took the narrow stairs two steps at a time. For the first time, she noticed just how shabby everything was here. There was an air of neglect about the flaking paint, the thin carpet and the faded drapes all overseen by a picture of the Sacred Heart, whose red-light bulb had long gone out. She pushed open the door to Eddie’s room. She’d only been in here a handful of times, never for anything more than collecting or dropping off his belongings, and now it seemed that her final drop-off would be the man himself.
As she looked about Eddie’s room there was that same sense that time had stopped here – she guessed around the time his father died.
‘What the… Liv, what are you doing here at this hour of the day?’ Eddie scrambled up in the bed. At least he was alone. Liv actually felt a small wave of relief pass over her at this thought – God, how pathetic was she? She wrinkled her nose. The smell in the room was sickly and depressingly familiar. She knew it too well: a combination of stale drink, fags and body odour and, today, she could admit to herself just how much it disgusted her. It took a genuine effort not to walk to the window and throw it wide open. ‘I meant to ring you. Sorry, it was late when I got back. Is something wrong?’ He was pulling the quilt up around him, as if protecting himself from what was to come.
‘You tell me what might be wrong, Eddie.’ She walked about the room, not that there was much space. The floor was strewn with discarded clothes and bags and it was difficult to tell what was for laundry and what she would, so recently, have automatically begun to hang up in his wardrobe. God, she’d been such a sap.
‘Wrong? I don’t know that anything is wrong; it’s just you, you look…’ He stopped, clearly not yet being wakened enough to put the right word on how Liv looked. He settled on: ‘Different.’
