AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Liv almost jumped when she heard the first firework going off over their heads. Once they’d finished eating, they walked to the bridge to get a better view. Again this year, it felt as if they had the whole show to themselves, until Liv looked down and saw a woman, oddly familiar, on the towpath beneath them.
With Finn’s arm around her and Pete at her side, she’d felt a warm glow of belonging trace around the edges of these steadily deepening bonds between them. Watching each burst of colour fill the air, until the penultimate blast, two golden rockets, flying up, high, up and up so by the time they exploded into their full glory, she and Finn were standing with their heads almost trained backwards, their mouths open, awestruck. The rockets had stayed together, most of the way, and she had thought at first, they were just like her and Pete, and she had grabbed for his hand to let him know that he was not alone. But he was not there; instead, he had bent over the side of the bridge, his eyes trained on the woman who stood on the towpath below.
The rockets stayed side by side all this time, but then one seemed to go off course. It took what looked like an early nosedive and ended up the less spectacular finale, while its sister rode higher in the sky, its trail seemingly endless until at last it exploded, filling the entire sky with golden lights. It was, she realised, her and Rachel. She was that final rocket; she needed to light up the world for two. From here on, she would light up the world for two.
Then another, the final firework. She knew it, somewhere deep in her bones; this was the finale. It was a long green array of explosions, shooting up first and then across the sky – a trail of shooting stars.
Somewhere below the bridge along the towpath, she heard a scuffle, a murmur and a splash that hit her conscience much too loudly not to be in part imagined. She had to drag her eyes from the spectacular show of green above. Pete was running towards the path, already making his way over the damp paving, pulling off his jacket, spinning wildly on the ice as he scrabbled along the path. When she looked down, the woman had gone, but in her wake, Liv spotted the unmistakable footprint near the water – she’d fallen. Or had she jumped? It didn’t matter either way.
‘The woman,’ she shouted, tearing herself out of Finn’s arms, but Pete was already there clambering over the wall and hanging until he dropped onto the towpath. ‘I’m coming,’ she screamed and then she was racing off down beneath the bridge, Finn left standing behind her, with no idea of what was going on. As she ran, she imagined Finn, looking around, wondering if it was some sort of prank and then, maybe following her. Yes, Finn was chasing behind them now, but he would be too late.
The woman was already out of sight. Liv couldn’t figure where she had gone in exactly, but Pete was swimming across towards the centre of the canal, diving in as if by some divine understanding he knew exactly where to look for her. And then, she saw it, the most amazing sight. She knew what it was, of course she knew it was just a reflection, but still it felt as if it was hypnotising her in some strange way. She was looking at a trail of shooting emerald stars in the water, like a path she knew she had to follow to help Pete rescue that woman and bring her back to safety.
And as she dived into the icy water, she felt that there was something about that woman that was so familiar. She’d known it when she spotted her from the bridge, but she hadn’t fully recognised it, so consumed was she in her new-found happiness.
20
Livhadmissed her bus. That was the trouble with New Year’s: everything in this city seemed to run on a different time schedule, as if the normal world operated outside itself for a few crazy hours just this one night a year. She was hardly aware of how many bells Immaculate Heart church rang out as she walked along the towpath next to the canal. It was twelve, if she’d been interested, but the fireworks that spun out into the black sky overhead were enough to make her stop and she realised that she had managed to put one foot in front of the other and walk into a New Year.
Would every New Year be like this from now on? It didn’t bear thinking about and yet, she couldn’t imagine it any other way. The swamp of sadness that she’d slipped into so suddenly on realising that Pete was being pulled away from her by Anya seemed to be one that was so deep and cloying it felt as if she’d never properly make her way back onto firm ground again, even if she wanted to.
Liv dropped down onto the bank. The ground, cold and wet, seeping through her jeans, didn’t even register properly beyond the discomfort of her hip as she smashed her knees against the cobbled bank. It hit her now, Rachel’s hip had always given her pain. She’d been born with a congenital hip, a legacy of two babies squashed together, for what ended up being forty-two weeks and then breech births, which had landed them both in intensive care for a few days afterwards. She knelt there, watching the fireworks – green, red, purple, gold and silver – illuminate the night. On the bridge above her, she noticed some people lingering. There was something familiar about them, the woman in particular. It almost made Liv catch her breath. She turned away then. It was too painful to watch such contentment at this late hour.
A huge golden rocket took off and exploded so high that Liv had to lean her head back, her mouth slightly open, gaping at the spectacle. And another, not as set on its path, deviated and seemed to burn out before its time, while the first just kept on going. That was like her and Rachel. Twins. They’d been a matching pair. Identical. The one life ended before it had much of a chance to start; the other, well, Liv didn’t have far to look to see what an empty sham she’d allowed hers to become.
Too often, when the chips were down, she’d wondered what would Rachel have done. What kind of life would she be living now if their paths had been switched? Probably, she’d have married Pete, had a swarm of kids and a great big golden retriever. Overhead, the rocket seemed to have played itself out and in the smoky darkness it left behind Liv felt an overwhelming sense of loss crush her once again. She hadn’t felt desolation overwhelm her on this level, not since Rachel died.
Then she noticed it. There was something in the water. A trail of green, probably some sort of underwater weeds, but the more Liv stared at it, the more it seemed to glow in the reflection of the city above. It was hypnotic. It looked like the northern lights, revealing life in the water beneath her. She leant over further, craning her neck as far as she could to get a proper look. Suddenly, she began to slide towards the water’s edge, the damp ground beneath her providing no grip, and then her hip gave way from under her, propelling her forward so she fell further and further down the embankment. It felt like slow motion, as if the trail of green below were pulling her in. Liv heard herself laugh. A strange tinkling sound, as if she were a child, tickled at some funny story, or maybe playing a game that held her tight so her nerves made her react with a sound that was neither happiness nor excitement, but instead fear coiling up inside her as if it might snap at any moment. It was obscure but not unwelcome.
She thought she heard the woman from the bridge laugh. It was just a sound in the darkness, but it echoed within her, as if perhaps it had come from her own lips. Liv looked up. She had an odd feeling that it was like looking in a mirror. There was something about the woman, something that made her stop and stare for a moment, but it was no good; she couldn’t make out anything properly from down here.
Overhead another shot. A long trail of green lights flooded up higher and higher, arching far above the city, before setting off on a trail, from north to south. Liv felt herself moving, her head craned, back as far as she could manage it. They were almost over her, directly above her. She forgot about holding on, forgot about the icy patches that could be treacherous on the path, never mind down here at the water’s edge.
All she could see was a long trail of green lights – like the ring she’d believed was hers. Like shooting stars, flooding across the night sky. They filled up everything with green, even the canal. Her eyes were drawn now to what had just been an inky ribbon before. From here, on the bank, it seemed she could see within the water’s depths, strangely lit by shooting stars. The reflection of the fireworks above worked themselves into a mesmerising display in the water. They were like emeralds trailing down to its very deepest parts.
It was beautiful. The most fantastical sight she’d ever seen. She had a crazy notion that she wanted to follow them. Somehow, she felt a growing surge of peace rise up within her. It radiated from her heart and warmed every bone in her body. The pain in her hip melted and she felt happy. She looked up again, watching as the fireworks trailed away, burning out so they were vanishing into the night sky, leaving behind just a soft puff of smoke. She sighed, deeply.
And then, she felt the oddest thing. As if someone had breathed something in her ear. It startled her, unsettled her, so her fragile grasp on terra firma was lost and all of a sudden she was slipping away, towards the water below.
Somehow as she neared its edge, she could still see the trail of emerald stars, just wavering beneath the smooth surface of the water.Splash. She thought she screamed as she lost her footing, hitting the water with only the slightest splash. She felt oddly calm, despite the cold, despite the fact that she was quickly out of her depth on one of the coldest nights of the year. Perhaps someone would hear her.Help. Help.Only Liv could hear her own panic; the sound was strangled in her throat. The people on the bridge were too wrapped up in each other to have anything to do with her. The fireworks were over. It was time for everyone to go home.
When the black water finally dragged her under, Liv welcomed it. Somehow, rather than making her cold, it actually felt as if it was wrapping her with a welcome of home, so she didn’t even struggle. Instead, she found herself gliding along the trail of green glinting stars. All around her, she thought she could hear whispers, calling her home. Even if she could clamber back onto the towpath now, part of her knew she didn’t want to.
This time, there would be no losing Rachel, because really how can you lose yourself?
*
The iciness of the water was a shock that she should have been expecting. Liv dived in without thinking of anything beyond the fading circles of where that woman had just disappeared into the darkness. The truth was she hadn’t imagined she’d ever jump into icy canal water in the dead of night, but she hadn’t had the time to think, much less the time to have any expectations, of freezing water, darkness or fear. Pete was in here too, somewhere, and the icy feeling about her heart had as much to do with the fact that he had disappeared from sight as completely as if he’d never been there to begin with.
She swam across, trying hard to find the reflection she’d seen from the towpath. Scrambling about in the water, they had both vanished. The woman had gone; she knew for certain the woman had not surfaced again, not after she went in, but that couldn’t be right, could it? Surely, even if she intended to jump into the water, human instinct would propel her up again? Liv swam round in what felt like an ever-widening circle, dipping her head beneath the water, trying to see in the darkness, hoping each time she came up for air that Pete would be by her side.
It was no good. She was almost out of breath, her hip aching from an injury she couldn’t remember ever having, her breath gasping because her lungs felt as if they’d been stabbed directly through her cumbersome clothes by the canal’s freezing fingers. And then, although she couldn’t see anything but the shimmer of the lights overhead – the last array of emerald stars dropping slowly towards the ground – something pushed against her. It was big, too big to be anything but another person. It rubbed along her back, spinning her about in the water. Twisting her around so she didn’t know which way she was faced anymore in the blackness of it all. She dived further down, the water clogging up around her clothes, so she had to work harder to move. Down here, she kept her eyes peeled for some hint as to where the woman was, where Pete was, but the darkness was impenetrable; the only way was to swim through it.
And then, as if someone whispered in her ear, she found herself turning about in the water, a gentle tugging at her, not against her clothes, but something vibrating within her, drawing her deeper into the canal, compelling her forward. Her eyes adjusted to the murk and darkness of the stinging water until she saw the reflection once again.
A small, winking trail of green, probably the reflection of the fireworks above, but it was the only guiding light she had. She heaved her body up once more and gasped for breath, then dived in the direction she was certain those lights had been just moments earlier.
On and on she swam, a tightening panic that she might be moving in useless circles while the water’s cold cloyed further into her bones. It wasn’t far, but already she was out of breath. Her oxygen levels were making her heart beat too fast, her pulse race in her veins, exhausting her, so even if she made it to the point of where the first light had been, she would be fit for little more than to float off up to the surface.
