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She dived down, deeper and deeper. She had to save the woman in the water. She had to find Pete. This was no time to give up, because now, with all that had happened since the first day of Christmas, she realised she had too much to live for – her family, Pete and now Finn, her job, her life – she was going to live enough for both her and Rachel. Wasn’t that what she’d promised herself only hours earlier?
And then, just as she felt she could swim no more, about to give up and head for the surface, she saw them. Standing on the water’s edge. But they couldn’t be, because they were deeper than she’d imagined the canal bed could possibly lie. It was Rachel. Rachel and Pete together, as if standing in some magical snow globe. And she was watching them from outside. Oh, they looked so happy, Liv felt as if she might burst with the overwhelming feeling of happiness and sadness that welled up in her heart to see them both together again.
She started to walk towards them, half afraid that by moving she might spoil this moment of perfection, even though some part of her knew that this was not right.
They were calling her.Liv.Liv knew, she had to go to them.Rachel.She whispered her sister’s name, felt it dry up on her lips. It was so sweet just to feel she could say that name and know that Rachel might be here.
Yes. It’s okay, Liv. It’s me. Everything is going to work out perfectly, for both of us.She imagined her saying the words. It was in her imagination, wasn’t it? But then Rachel looked at her, a sudden deadening panic in her eyes. She couldn’t catch her breath. Was she drowning, here in the darkness, just when it seemed she had so much to live for?
She felt herself spin around, trying to figure out what was what. Everything was completely confused, as if she’d fallen into a maze and she couldn’t figure out what to do next. They were identical. It was like looking in a mirror, but where she just felt so happy to be here with Rachel, she could see the panic rising in her sister’s eyes.Go back, go back; it’s time for you to go back to your life,Rachel was saying, but Liv couldn’t leave her, not yet. She swam towards her now, the gut-wrenching exhaustion, a mixture of freezing cold and an emotional shock beyond any she’d ever imagined, began to tug against her chest. She was swimming hard and still getting nowhere. There was no way forward and she watched as her sister’s eyes filled with the sort of fear that Liv had only ever felt when she’d watched Rachel pass slowly away from her. She had to get to her. She pushed harder, harder and harder until it felt as if her whole body might explode with the effort and then she knew, she was moving forward. She was making her way slowly towards Rachel and Pete.
But they were screaming at her now.You have to go back. You can’t follow us. It’s not your time yet.
Liv wouldn’t go back; she just wouldn’t leave them here. She had to concentrate. She couldn’t for one moment take her eyes off Rachel. It seemed as if she’d been swimming forever, but somehow, here she knew that time had frozen over as surely as the ice had begun to patch itself along the water’s edge.
When she stood opposite them, it took a moment to gather her wits. She had to save them both. And then she realised she couldn’t save Rachel. She couldn’t help it, she threw her arms around her sister, grasped her to her as if she’d never let her go.I love you,she mouthed to Rachel,Don’t forget me.
And then, she felt herself being pulled away from them. Dragged up, held firmly with strong arms around her. She was out of breath. She hadn’t noticed before, but now, it felt as if her lungs might explode. The pain was excruciating. It was just a short distance, but the effort was mammoth. Liv thought that she’d never experienced anything like it. This is what it must feel like to push back a tsunami from the edge of the world. The water wolfed more fiercely against her skin. It dug in malevolent daggers all around her body. Just as she felt her body giving up, a tiny crack of light appeared above. Green emeralds shooting off across the water. She looked back at Rachel who was smiling at her. It was their sign. Shooting stars. Somehow, Rachel was still standing next to Pete and Liv cried out. It was too late.
She felt her body, as if it was something separate to her, being dragged to the top of the water. Finn O’Connell. He’d swum out to save her. She must be dreaming. He was pulling her back to the bank now, wading along with her in his arms, murmuring into her wet hair.Oh thank God. I thought I lost you. I couldn’t bear to lose you, Liv.It was all too much. Liv closed her eyes. Pete and Rachel. They were both gone now.
‘Oh, thank God. Thank God, Liv. You’re safe now, you’re going to be fine. I have you now.’ He was leaning over her, on the towpath. Liv could hear him, but she couldn’t speak. Was it too late? Had it all been for nothing? She heard Rachel’s voice, pleading with her from beneath the water, urging her to live.Please, you can make it this time. Wake up, please, just wake up.
‘What the…’ She was spluttering, now her body was taken over with a paroxysm of coughing, doubling up and expelling the filthy canal water.
‘Oh, Liv, never do that to me again, do you hear?’ Finn O’Connell was crying, but he sounded more relieved than anything else. ‘I don’t think I could have coped with losing you now,’ he breathed into her wet hair.
‘That’s the second time you’ve saved my life,’ she murmured, but she was trying hard to make out the shapes beneath the water. Finn was completely unaware that he was being watched from halfway across the canal. In the darkness, Liv lying on the bank strained to see what she could only imagine was there. And then, a pang of loneliness swept through her. ‘Pete?’ She was crying, because she already knew the answer.
‘I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I couldn’t see him anywhere.’ Finn wrapped her in his arms and pulled her close to him. Somewhere in the distance she heard the sound of a siren, pealing through the busy Dublin streets towards them.
‘Oh, no, not Pete…’ A shot of pain ripped up through Liv and she shivered with the ferocity of engulfing sadness that seemed to shroud her so instantly that everything went completely black.
21
They had swapped places. That was Liv’s first thought when she woke up in her hospital bed the following morning. Finn O’Connell sitting forward on the hard chair, holding her hand, waiting for her to come round.
‘Oh, thank goodness. I have to call someone to tell them you’re awake.’ He started to get up.
‘No. That can wait. Tell me first, was it a dream? Did that really happen?’ she asked, but maybe she already knew, because the aches she felt in her body were nothing compared to the gaping hollow that had opened up in her heart.
‘A dream?’ He looked around the room a little awkwardly, as if he wasn’t fully sure what to say. ‘I’m so sorry. Your friend – he seemed nice, Pete?’
‘Ah, yes, Pete.’ Liv smiled thinking of him and for a moment she wondered where he was, but then, as if someone had picked a tuning string at her heart, she knew instantly what had happened. ‘He’s gone, isn’t he?’
‘I’m so sorry. They still haven’t found him. It’s as if he just…’
‘Disappeared.’ She felt a fresh surge of anguish rush up in her, catching her breath so ferociously that for a moment it felt as if she was drowning all over again. It was like a wave that when it crested, she knew would wash her out with the most consuming grief. But then, she remembered what had happened underneath those emerald stars. As images of Pete and Rachel came back to her. It was tempered with something else too, something she’d probably never be able to explain, but she knew, wherever Pete was now, he was finally happy. ‘He’s with Rachel now. That’s what he wanted; he told me so just before the fireworks started.’ She found herself smiling, despite her tears. Finn slipped his arm beneath her shoulders, pulled her up towards him.
‘Oh God, Liv, I’m so sorry I couldn’t save him too.’ She could feel his regret slipping with every word from him.
‘No.’ She held him a little away from her. ‘You don’t understand. He’s with Rachel now. They’re both happy. Iknowthey are. They were always meant to be together and now they are, forever.’
‘Oh, my darling, darling Liv.’ He kept saying over and over again. He was holding her so closely; she had a feeling he would never let her go.
‘What happened?’ she asked, rather stupidly. ‘I don’t remember anything after you pulled me from the water?’
‘I’m not sure I remember half of it myself. Someone called an ambulance and then the fire brigade arrived too. They brought us here and…’
