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Oh fuck,oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck.
I’m trying to stay calm and act like I’ve got it together. Like I’m totally in control.
Well, I’m not in control. I’m freaking out!
I’ve been alone formonthson this dreaded island—eight, nine, I have no idea—and all of a sudden some hot guy with a plane arrives out of nowhere and leave it to me to threaten him with a spear! Actually, this is hardly a spear. It’s just a random stick I grabbed off the ground.
I was out picking those pink fruity things with the spikes that are so incredibly bitter, just walking around killing time on this boring ass island because what else is there to do, when this loud clunking plane slammed into the water out of nowhere. Next thing I know, Mr. Hot Pilot is dragging his rusted hundred-year-old plane onto my beach.
I should have been happy. I should have been jumping for joy. Two out of the three things I’ve been praying for the most came dropping out of the sky—a hot muscular man and an airplane. If he has a box of chocolates with him, then we’ll be three for three, baby!
But instead, I panicked because well, being alone for whatever amount of months I’ve been alone makes you get a little loopy when you finally do see someone.
Now, I’ve got this random stick pointed at this random guy and he’s nice enough not to burst out laughing at my pathetic display of territorial assertiveness.
“I don’t mean you any harm,” he says in a soft steady voice.
Phew!
He puts his hands up and shows me his palms. His hands arehuge. All of him is huge.
He better not eat all of my pinky fruit spike balls!
This man looks like he’s got a ravenous appetite. He’ll probably eat everything on the island (hopefully excluding me) by dinnertime. He’s got big broad shoulders, long muscular arms, and a hulking chest that I can see behind his loose white t-shirt that’s flapping in the wind. The breeze takes his shirt up a little and I spot a chiseled six-pack. Not the worst person to come crashing down on my desert island, I guess.
He smiles warmly at me as he slowly reaches into his pocket.
I squeeze the stick and stab the air in warning. Again, I’m thankful that he pretends to take it seriously and is not bent over laughing.
“I have something for you,” he says with his eyebrows up.
My eyes widen as he pulls out an energy bar.
“For showing up on your island unannounced,” he says as he tosses it to me.
My mouth waters as I catch it. Food. Real outside food. An energy bar and it’s peanut butter! Ilovepeanut butter!
I’d love to be able to say that I eat it like a lady, but then I’d be a liar as well as a slob. I rip it apart with my rabid teeth and practically swallow it whole like a dog catching half a hot dog that fell beside her owner’s feet.
“What else you got?” I ask, violently chewing while eyeing him carefully.
“Is there no food on the island?” he asks as he looks around.
“Do you have any chocolate?” I ask with my stomach rumbling. “Or, alcohol? Or chocolate?”
I really miss chocolate.
“I have a few granola bars in the plane,” he says as he glances back at it.
“Chocolate chipgranola bars?” I ask as I lower the spear, my back straightening, everything in me perking up to attention.
“I think so,” he says. “I’ll go check.”
I’m watching in awe as he walks along the beach, the back of his feet kicking up sand with every step, and opens the door to his plane.
He’s a miracle. He’s just what I’ve been hoping for and I’m handling it all wrong. I toss the stick onto the ground, smooth back my hair, and push up my boobs while he’s distracted in the cockpit.
I climb down from the rocks and watch him as he searches through his things.
