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Blair shrinks a little as she explains, “She threatened to cut off his thing if he touched me. Aunt Stacy attacked my mama. Then, Dad slapped Mama and shoved his sister. When Mama told Dad about my cousin, he started punching until Darry’s face got all messed up.”
Blair’s nearly hyperventilating by the time she finishes. I squat down and look her in the eyes. That only makes her breathe faster.
“When I was scared as a little boy, I’d breathe in through my nose and hold it just a little before pushing all that air out of my mouth. You need to do that now or you’re bound to faint.”
Blair follows my lead until she’s breathing normal. “I don’t like getting people in trouble.”
“Look, your cousin did right by Beau, but that doesn’t mean he can do wrong by you. And him wanting you to be his girlfriend is sicko shit.”
The brokenhearted little girl I see in Blair’s blue eyes guts me, but I keep my temper in check.
“Mama said when she was young, she almost got tricked into doing that stuff. She told me it’s not my fault. How it’s confusing because I like my cousin, and he wasn’t hurting me. It seemed like he wasn’t doing anything wrong. But he was, and that’s why she got mad,” Blair explains and then looks down at the ground. “I still don’t like being why people get in trouble.”
“I get it. You don’t want to snitch. But you’ve got to take care of yourself, Blair. Women got problems in life that men don’t. You have to put yourself first sometimes. To protect your body and heart, you might need to tell someone you like to fuck off or be willing to hurt them. There’s no martyr award for taking the most shit from people.”
Though I sense Blair might not understand all the words I said, she gets my point.
“Did you ever get picked on when you were little?” she asks as we start walking again.
“Yeah, and I was a big motherfucker. But I didn’t talk much. Like I said, I’ve always hated people. They’re loud and selfish and eat their snot. I never had any interest in that crap.”
Blair laughs at my words, seeming calmer now. As we move through the shadowed path, she doesn’t get spooked. I think she really is only afraid of people. That makes her smarter than I was at her age. I genuinely worried about that monster under my bed.
“Do you like my mama?” Blair asks as we wind around the path until we’re headed back home. “Like as a girlfriend?”
“Yes. She’s beautiful and kind. If Landry can love me, I’m going to keep her forever. If she can’t, I’ll still want her around. Some people in life make you happy, so you need to give them everything. Others will make you miserable, even if you give them everything. You need to be smart. I wasn’t before, but I am now.”
Blair starts breathing too fast again. “I want my mama to be happy. She does so much for me. Like, how I’ve never had a lot of friends at school. My best friend in first grade lived on the other side of Beehive Ridge. Mama would drive me over there all the time, so I could be around someone who was nice to me. She works hard, so I want you to take good care of her.”
“How come that girl isn’t your best friend anymore?”
“She moved away. No one wants to live in Beehive Ridge. Mama said ugly places get pretty names to trick people.”
“It’s not a bad place,” I reply, having spent more time there in the last few months than in my entire life. “But McMurdo Valley’s nicer.”
Blair stops walking and seems bothered. “I’m not real smart. My grades are only okay. What if the better school is too hard?”
“You’re getting your wires crossed. A better school means more resources to help you with your grades. Better teachers, more class aides. And if that shit isn’t enough, Rosemary used to be a teacher. She tutors kids around the Valley. I’ll just pay her to help you.”
“Is that expensive?”
“Don’t worry about it.”
Despite my reassurances, Blair’s gotten herself all wound up now. I see Landry get the same damn way when she feels overwhelmed by life. There’s only so much juggling a person can do before everything starts falling down.
“Do you have any other friends?” I ask as we walk again.
“I had one girl on our street. She only came during the summers to stay with her grandma. She liked to ride bikes. I’d run around with her since I didn’t have one. But then, Mama worked really hard babysitting these rotten kids. That’s how she got the money to buy me a pretty pink bike for my birthday.”
“Your mama didn’t put a bike on the list yesterday. Do I need to go back and get it?”
Blair shakes her head and gets the same look as Landry does when she’s remembering something she wishes not to relive. I consider telling the kid not to worry about it. I can get her a new bike. Easy fix. Why dig up old issues?
Except Blair’s gotten very chatty with me on our walk. I sense all her info is connected to something we haven’t hit on yet. My normal move here would be to distract from all this downer talk. Anger feels like a righteous emotion. Shit gets done when people are pissed. Sadness just sinks a person deeper into a dark pit.
However, I don’t change the subject. Blair is my kid now. I claimed her. She’s my responsibility, and something is digging at her heart.
Besides, I’m curious about Landry and her kids. I’ve watched Blair for months. I want her to feel real.
