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“Two dudes and a chick. It was like one of those sitcoms, where she had to go on more than one date in a night.”
“What happened?”
“I don’t know,” he said and shrugged. “I changed the channel and missed the end.”
Silas always says these things in the manliest way possible. Half the time, I can’t tell if he’s joking. He also never smiles at his own comments. The man is fascinatingly weird.
“I’ve known Nomad since we were kids,” Wynonna says. “I thought he was gay for a while. He tends to get this look with women like he’s horrified by how they’re stinking up his personal space. I mean, sure, he was getting laid in high school like the others. Still, I didn’t think he actually liked women as human beings.”
“What about Goose?”
“Have you met her yet?”
“No.”
“Didn’t think so. She doesn’t act like a woman. And that’s coming from me who isn’t exactly super feminine. Like, once, I was talking about pregnancy bloating to her since we were the only women in the Pigsty right then. She proceeded to share a very detailed story about a huge shit she took a few weeks earlier. I could imagine this information being of great interest to her club brothers, but I just didn’t need to know that much about her crapping habits. It was like talking to Hoyt when he’s drunk. He’s very focused on bodily functions once the booze hits him.”
“What does Silas talk about when he’s drunk?”
“Um, he never said much. Booze makes him quieter. Well, one time, he stood up and announced his mom was a terrible hugger and nearly broke his jaw once. Then, he walked away and took a nap outside.”
Learning closer, I whisper, “I like how he’s weird. I think that’s the only reason he could want me.”
“Are you unaware you’re hot?”
“I look okay for a baby factory.”
“Well, Nomad can’t be with scrawny women. He needs curves. Apparently, in high school he nearly fucked a skinny chick to death. Her name was Toothpick, and she loved cock. But his was nearly too much and almost tore her in half.”
“That’s not real.”
Wynonna laughs. “No, probably not. It’s just a story she told when someone asked why she didn’t fuck Nomad anymore. She literally teared up talking about her near-death experience. It was funny, so I’ve decided it was true.” After glancing at Brooklyn, who is playing my belly like the bongos, Wynonna whispers, “Have you been impaled yet?”
Shaking my head, I reply, “He claims he can’t do it for safety reasons.”
Wynonna snorts. “I was totally sure this kid,” she says and gestures at my belly, “was his. Like you two were hooking up in secret.”
“No, we just met a week ago. Well, he knew me, but I didn’t know him.”
“Yeah, he’s been off the grid a lot lately. I thought he’d gotten heavy into drugs and was communing with nature in the woods. But it turns out, he was just stalking you.”
“My mommy,” Brooklyn announces suddenly and frowns at Wynonna before hugging me.
“Look, little girl, I’m not your enemy,” Wynonna says and then shrugs. “Yet, anyway. When you’re older, we might go at it. I don’t know. I’ve only had one genuine enemy in my life. Her name was Gayle. We were friends despite her being a royal cunt. She told everyone I shit my pants after anal at a party. I claimed she was the one giving me anal.”
Wynonna flips her hair over her shoulder and shrugs. “Hoyt insisted my burn wasn’t successful, but I felt like I put the bitch in her place. We were frenemies for years. Gayle mocked me when I lost man after man in my long journey to find a keeper. I mocked her when she was in a car accident and lost a foot. We had a good thing going. Then, she died when her fake foot slid on something wet at a party and she fell off a deck. Anyway, I don’t care what anyone says, I won that battle.”
I stare at Wynonna who stares back at me. A smile slowly warms her face, making me laugh.
Grinning, I explain, “I never once defeated an enemy.”
“I’m telling you. The solution is to slash those assholes’ tires. It’ll be cathartic.”
“Can you imagine me squatting next to their cars?”
“You won’t be pregnant for much longer. Then, we’ll run around, fucking up people’s shit. It’ll be like the good old days when I used to have girlfriends.”
“What happened to them?”
