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The pub is busy when I get there, and I can’t see Josh straight away. I walk through the bar, scanning the tables as I go, and eventually spot him near the back. He doesn’t see me, and that gives me a couple of moments to study him surreptitiously.
He’s grown a beard. It’s neatly trimmed and actually quite suits him. It makes him look more mature somehow. His hair is cut shorter too, and the floppy fringe has gone. He’s wearing a well-ironed white T-shirt, and there’s what appears to be a black leather jacket on the seat next to him.
‘Hello, Josh,’ I say as I sit down. His eyes widen in surprise.
‘Bloody hell, Charley! You look amazing! I don’t think I would have recognised you. You’ve had your hair cut. It really suits you.’
I have to confess that I did take quite a bit of time getting ready for this. I’ve gone for the maximum ‘see what you’re missing’ look, with a plunge bra, close-fitting low-cut top, and a pair of white skinny jeans. I smile at him.
‘Thank you,’ I say. ‘Nice beard, and is that a leather jacket?’
‘Vegan leather,’ he tells me. ‘It’s made from sustainable materials. Sorry, let me get you a drink – what would you like?’
I ask for a Diet Coke as I’m driving, and he goes off to the bar. I watch him as he gets the server’s attention and places his order. He definitely seems more grown up and self-assured. I grudgingly admit that Scarlett seems to have done him some good.
‘So,’ I say to him after he’s come back, placed the drinks on the table and sat down.
‘I’m so pleased you came,’ he tells me. ‘I wasn’t sure you would.’
‘Neither was I. However, I’m here now. What do you need to tell me?’ I’ve role-played this conversation in a few different ways over the last day or so, and I’ve decided to go with cool and aloof, to make him squirm.
‘Firstly, I’m sorry. I mean it, Charley. I could offer you various excuses, but the plain truth is that I behaved like a shit, and you deserve much better.’
‘You did, and I do. Look, Josh, I’m not going to tell you that it’s fine, that I’m over it now and it’s all water under the bridge. I am over you, but that doesn’t alter the fact that you cheated on me. It’s bad enough that you were having sex with Scarlett behind my back, but to have sex with her in our bed? That’s more than shitty, in my book.’
He looks suitably chastised, and it makes me feel good. I feel in control of this conversation, and powerful.
‘I know,’ he replies. ‘Believe me, I’d do anything to go back and do things differently, but I can’t. All I can do is tell you how sorry I am.’
‘Why now? Is this because you and Scarlett have split up? Are you hoping I’ll say it’s all OK and come running back to you?’
‘No, of course not! Scarlett and I split up in April, so I can assure you it’s not some weird rebound thing. I’ve known since it happened that I needed to apologise, but you were so angry, and then time sort of passed, and it became harder and harder to do.’
‘Of course I was angry!’ I can feel my voice rising and I hastily bring it back under control. ‘You basically took ten years of my life and flushed them down the toilet. I’d say that’s good grounds to be royally pissed off, wouldn’t you?’
‘Yes, of course it is, and all I can do is repeat how sorry I am. I’ve missed you, Charley. You’ve been such a big part of my life and, although I know we can never have what we had before, I hoped we might be able to be friends at least.’
The fight starts to go out of me. He’s so penitent that it’s not fun any more; it’s starting to feel cruel, like kicking a wounded animal. ‘I don’t know, Josh. My life is pretty sorted right now, and I’m not sure if I want you back in it in any capacity. I came tonight because I wanted to hear what you had to say, but I’m not going to make any promises after this evening, OK?’
He nods.
‘So, what happened with Scarlett?’ I ask him.
He sighs. ‘It was like living in a tornado, and never knowing which way it was going to go next. She’d have these sudden rages that would go on for days, and just when I was getting to the point where I couldn’t take any more and was contemplating ending it, she’d suddenly be sweetness and light again. It was exhausting. I spent my time walking on eggshells around her, terrified that something I’d say or do would set her off. And the mess! I swear that woman could manage to use every pot and pan just to make a salad. In the end I think we both knew it wasn’t working and we agreed to end it. I was so relieved when she moved out.’
‘But don’t you have to work with her? Isn’t that awkward?’
‘No, that’s the second part of what I wanted to say to you tonight. I’ve moved departments. In fact, I’m now the head buyer for Earthkind, and it’s all thanks to you!’
‘Me? How?’
‘Your rant about the Earthkind range got me thinking. You were right that, although they had the environmental credentials, they weren’t as good as the equivalent mainstream product. When I went back to work, I talked to Roger and Brian about it – do you remember them?’
Roger and Brian are the co-founders of Earthkind. I met them a couple of times when I went to Josh’s office. They’re exactly how you would picture them: long beards, faded clothes, evangelical zeal. I nod to Josh to continue.
‘They got pretty excited and suggested I move into the buying team, to see if I could improve the range. It turns out I’m pretty good at it, and now I’m the head buyer.’
‘That’s amazing, Josh. Well done!’
