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‘I was thinking about what you told me when we went to the cash and carry together that time. When you were growing up, why didn’t you just pick a gang and join it? Wouldn’t life have been a lot easier for you if you had?’
I see his jaw tighten, and I wonder whether I’ve crossed a line. There’s an awkward silence.
‘Sorry,’ I continue. ‘I don’t mean to pry, if it’s something you’d rather not talk about. I was just curious.’
He sighs. ‘No, it’s fine. You might as well know it all. I used to have a sister.’
The penny starts to drop. ‘When you say you “used to have”, I take it that means…’
‘She died.’
‘God, I’m so sorry.’
‘Yeah. She was seven years older than me. I thought we were close, but it turned out I didn’t know anything about her at all. She worked in the local newsagent, but used to keep strange hours. She’d come home really late, or sometimes not at all. If I asked about it, she’d say she was with friends, and I had no reason not to believe her. It was only after she died that I found out she was doing sex work. She was my world and I loved her. Mum was useless, so Laura was the one that made sure I had a uniform for school and all that stuff. I had no idea that she was selling her body to pay for it, and I still feel guilty about that to this day.
‘She was found inside one of those big bins that shops have out the back. The post-mortem said that the cause of death was an overdose, but she didn’t climb in there by herself, did she? Some bastard put her in there. I don’t know if she was with a client when it happened, and he got spooked and dumped her in there, or whether it was someone from the gang, but it didn’t matter to me. In my mind, the gang was responsible, and the way she was disposed of showed that they didn’t even care when she died. They just moved on to their next victim. I was so angry. You know I told you where my scar came from?’
‘Your best friend at primary school, if I remember correctly.’
‘Yes, well, that’s not quite the whole story. He was a member of the gang, and I was sure he was somehow involved in her death, so I went looking for him. When I found him, I messed him up quite badly. Stupidly, I didn’t think that there might be consequences. A week or so later, he and some of his mates jumped me. His mates held me while he sliced my face open and told me that I was a marked man. That’s when I realised that I had to leave.’
I can see the pain in his eyes and my heart goes out to him. It shifts something in me to hear a story that’s just as tragic as mine in many ways. I feel less alone, somehow. I want to hug him, but I’m very aware that, although he’s bared his soul to me, our relationship is still fundamentally a professional one, and I don’t want to cross any boundaries that could make working with him awkward.
‘Thank you for trusting me with it,’ I say instead.
‘It’s not a story I share a lot, but knowing what you went through made it a bit easier, I suppose.’ He glances at my empty plate. ‘Would you like a coffee?’
‘No thanks, I’d really better go. This was absolutely delicious, though. Thank you.’
‘My pleasure.’
* * *
Nan, Grandad and Katie are all home before me, sitting in the kitchen with cups of tea.
‘Ah, there you are, Daisy. We were starting to worry!’ Nan exclaims.
‘Sorry, when I got your text saying you were going out, Matt very kindly offered to cook for me.’ Out of the corner of my eye, I see Katie’s eyebrows shoot up. ‘Nothing like that,’ I tell her firmly. ‘I was just so tired at the end of my shift that he took pity on me. I slept in his spare room for three hours, then he fed me, and then I came home.’
‘You have been burning the candle at both ends, love,’ Grandad chimes in. ‘I’m not sure how long you’re going to be able to keep this up for.’
‘I know. Something’s got to give, but I just don’t know what to do.’
‘What does your head say?’ Grandad asks.
‘Easy. Stick with the job at Holdsworth & Speke. It’s steady, reliable income from a job I know how to do. It’s safe. I can do up Fred’s flat, let it out, and that will give a boost to my salary, plus Katie can have half to put towards her uni costs. I back off from the café, leave Matt to it and just act as book-keeper until it’s hopefully stable enough that we can sell it.’
‘And your heart?’
‘The total opposite. I’d love to get properly hands-on with the café, reintroduce the specials that Matt doesn’t have time to cook, extend the menu, see if I could make something of it. It’s got so much potential, I know it, but it’s also a massive risk. I still don’t really know what I’m doing; I’m completely reliant on Matt. What if I make a complete mess of it, or Matt leaves? I don’t know if I’m ready to make such a big leap of faith.’
‘I’m not being funny,’ Grandad observes, ‘but you’re sitting on nearly half a million in cash, plus the value of the building, which will be there even if the café fails. I’d say you can afford to make some pretty expensive mistakes. Let’s say you stick with your current job and back away from the café. How will you feel?’
I take a moment to contemplate it and envision it in my head.
‘Frustrated, I think. I’ll always wonder if I missed an opportunity. I’m no believer in fate, as you know, but what if this is where I’m supposed to be?’
‘Okay. Now look at it the other way. You take on the café, and for some reason it doesn’t work out. How would you feel then?’
