AllFreeNovel
Share Us
‘Look, I was putting stuff away because I only just got your message, and I didn’t want to be here when you arrived, okay?’
Now he looks hurt. Good.
‘I don’t understand. Why didn’t you want to be here?’
‘For fuck’s sake, Matt!’ I cry in exasperation. ‘It’s obvious that you’ve only come to collect your stuff, before you disappear back to Peterborough and your mum for good. Why would I want to be here to see that? I’m hurting enough, I don’t need to be hurt any more, okay?’
‘I’m not going back to Peterborough,’ he says simply. ‘In fact, I was hoping you might need a chef.’
There’s a long pause while I digest what he’s just said. I was so sure he was only collecting his stuff that I can’t get my head around it.
‘Are you saying you’re back for good?’
‘If there’s a place for me.’
A bubble of joy forms in my stomach, but I can’t give it free rein yet. If he’s back then that’s the best news ever, but a piece of the jigsaw is missing.
‘What about your mother?’ I ask.
‘Fuck her.’
Okay, whatever I was expecting him to say, it certainly wasn’t that.
‘I think you need to tell me what’s happened,’ I say to him.
‘I will, I promise. But there are other, more important things I need to tell you first.’
Uh-oh. I don’t like the sound of this.
‘Go on.’ I might as well hear him out. If he’s going to tell me that he wants to come back as a chef, but that the relationship between us is over, then I’m not sure what I’m going to do. On the one hand, I really need the help in the kitchen, but I don’t know if I can work with him and not touch him. Even though things feel really weird with him standing there, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot, I still want to touch him.
He’s obviously having difficulty forming the words he wants to say. He goes to speak several times, but nothing comes out. The silence just makes everything even more strained, and I can’t bear it. Eventually, I decide to take the lead and lance the boil.
‘Just spit it out!’ I tell him. ‘If you’re trying to build yourself up to tell me that it’s over between us, just do it, will you?’
‘Is that what you want?’ He looks horrified.
‘I don’t know,’ I tell him. ‘I missed you so badly when you first went, it was like a physical pain. But then, as time went on and the phone calls started to dry up, I figured you were losing interest in me, and that hurt in a whole new way. You’ve been gone for such a long time and I’ve been a mess, Matt. I’ve never felt as strongly about anyone as I do about you, but I don’t know what you want any more, and I’m scared to find out, in case it’s not me. So, if you’ve come to break up with me, do the decent thing and get it over with quickly.’
His eyes fill with tears. I’ve never seen him cry before, and it sets me off too, but he still doesn’t speak. ‘Just tell me why you’re here, Matt, please,’ I beg him.
He takes a deep breath, and finally some words come out. ‘I’m here because I’m an idiot,’ he begins. ‘I’m here because I let myself be fooled by a woman who should have loved me, but didn’t. I’m here because I bloody love you, Daisy Jones, and I’ll do anything to earn your forgiveness. I’m here to do whatever it takes, for as long as you want me, because I never want to be apart from you again.’
I’m gobsmacked, but the bubble of joy is growing. There’s still a niggle of doubt, though.
‘I want to believe you,’ I say. ‘You have no idea how much I want to believe you. I want to come over there and wrap my arms around you and never let you go. But I can’t go through something like this again, Matt. It’s just been too painful. You and your mum have obviously had some sort of falling out, and I trust you to tell me about that in your own time. But what happens next time there’s a crisis?’
‘There won’t be a next time.’
‘You can’t be sure of that. Whatever she’s done, she’s still your mum.’
‘I can be sure of that, because she won’t be able to get hold of me.’ He takes the ancient Nokia out of his pocket and extracts the SIM card. ‘Pass me the scissors behind you, would you?’
‘Oh, Matt. Are you sure this is a good idea?’ I say, handing them over.
‘I should have done this years ago,’ he growls, as he neatly cuts the SIM card in half and throws it in the bin. ‘Can I have a hug now, please?’
There’s no more doubt. The bubble explodes in my stomach, and I can’t help grinning through my tears. I throw myself into his waiting arms, and we stand there, just holding each other and crying together, for what seems like an eternity.
