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The minister drones on about the difficulties with death and grief, making me grind my teeth in frustration. Declan would fucking hate this entire speech. He would hate the dull, dryness and the almost painfully slow pace of the entire thing. When he was alive it was a constant rush with him, he wanted to do as many things as he possibly could in as little time as possible. It’s almost like he knew he wouldn’t grow old and grey and he wanted to do as much as he could. He probably did know that this was his fate, he chose it after all.
If I could punch his teeth in for leaving like this, I would. Everyday I fight between my sadness at losing him and my anger that he did it to himself. We were right there with him, helping him and supporting him. We’re all fighting our own versions of demons, but we were fucking fighting together. He opted out of the fight without even a backwards glance and that’s what will linger with me for the rest of my life. He left our brotherhood, our family, without even giving us a chance to battle his demons with him again.
“One of Declan’s best friends, Rhys, is going to give his eulogy now,” the minister says, pulling me out of my thoughts.
Rhys walks up to the podium, his crumpled speech in his subtly trembling hands. His face is a mask of calmness even though I know he’s been a wreck about this eulogy. It’s something he’s perfected over the years of being a police officer. If you didn’t know him enough to check for his nervous ticks, you would think he does this shit every day.
“Thank you, Minister Evans.” Rhys smooths out his speech on the podium, swallowing thickly as he does. “Declan Hallows was one of the best men I knew. When I met him, he was a scraggly man with nothing but a guitar strapped to his back and twenty dollars in his pocket. While his eyes told a haunted story, his smile drew you in and made you instantly feel connected to him. I knew he had a story to tell, one that wouldn’t be all rainbows and fairy tales, yet I wanted to hear it all. We were a group of misfits, people that never fit in with others, and he fit with us perfectly. We’re all a little bit broken, but we glued each other back together. He was one of my best friends and I’m going to miss him so much.”
A single tear falls down Rhys’ cheek as he pauses to gain his composure. My teeth clench with utter determination to keep my own emotions locked tight inside of me. Balling my hands into fists on my lap, I breathe deeply in through my nose and out through my mouth. Alayna’s hand slides over top of my closed fist, soothing out the tension for me and grabbing my hand tightly in hers.
“Dec was the kind of guy that just grabbed your attention when he walked in the room, his presence unlike anything I had seen before. You wanted to get close to him and listen to every word he said.” Rhys looks out at all of us, his eyes full of emotion as he allows us to see inside his pain. “His music was no different. Every song he wrote, every time he took a stage, people would shut up and listen. Dec was the master of his art, he spoke to your soul with every song he sang. Losing him, it’s like losing the sound of our hearts. There will never be another Declan Hallows and this world is worse off without his light.
We may never know exactly why he left us and it’s something that will torment me until the day I die. We love you, Brother. May you sing the panties off of all the sexy demons in hell. When I make it down there, we’ll crack open some cold ones like we used to. Rest in peace, Declan. You’ll live on in our hearts, in our souls, and in your songs.”
Alayna’s hand is squeezing mine in a death grip that’s cutting off circulation to my fingers. Glancing at her, I take in her shaking shoulders and heavy breathing as she fights to keep herself from crying in front of everyone. Adam has moved closer to her, his hand rubbing the middle of her back. Rolling my eyes at his show of affection towards the woman he claims to hate, I spread my legs a bit wider to press against Alayna in comfort.
Rhys makes his way back to us, nudging Adam away to take his spot back beside Lay. Alayna grabs one of Rhys’ hands as well, giving comfort to the both of us when she could clearly use it more.
“Thank you Rhys,” Minister Evans murmurs, nodding towards our pew. He rambles on a bit more, talking about beautiful souls being called home and the tragedy of young death. It feels like forever before he ends the service. We wanted it as short and sweet as we could. Dec was never big on making a show of himself unless it was on stage with a guitar in his hands.
“To end this service, we will be playing a song of Declan’s as we hang our heads in a moment of reflection. This song was written, sang, and produced by Declan and I’m told it was the one that meant the most to him. Please hang your heads in reflection as we play Save Her by Declan Hallows.”
My eyes dart to Alayna and the guys as the first chords start for Save Her. We all know this song is about Alayna and to be honest, I completely forgot about this request in all the hustle. This is either going to give her the closure she seeks or it’s going to tear her fucking heart out. Either way, I’m not prepared for the outcome.
Alayna
The moment Rhys talked about Dec’s smile, I almost completely lost it. It was only my focus on the big man beside me that kept me from sobbing in front of this crowd of people. I thought that when I got through that, that nothing could get to me. It was one of the men that knew him best, talking about the boy that I loved. I was a fucking fool. Of course they would play Declan’s own songs, it just makes sense.
The name of this song struck me like a sword through my fucking heart. The moment his voice starts singing, that sword of pain twists and tears my broken, torn apart heart right out of my chest. Closing my eyes, I allow the tears to flow as I’m assaulted with the force of my grief all over again. Drowning in the sound of his voice, I absorb the agony of his words.
There's so much pain
There's never enough light
Drowning in the nightmares
Of everything not right
The images haunt me
When the shadows appear
The anguish still lingers there
Mixed with my every fear
Save the girl that stole my heart
Save the girl that's torn apart
Her pieces are perfectly imperfect
Her life meant for so much more
Save the girl, set her free
Save the girl, please save her for me
