AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Can I help you?” Big Guy rumbles out. Damn his voice is deep as fuck. I get stuck on that fact, my mind a jumbled mess because of the nerves. “Look little girl, I don’t have time for you to piss your pants with fear over my size. Tell me what the fuck you want.”
His sneer oflittle girlpulls my bitchy side out. “I’m looking for Declan Hallows,” I snap, my patience completely used up in this short bullshit conversation. “My name is-”
“What?” Big Guy cuts me off, his voice turning icy and monotone. “Is this a fucking joke?”
I grind my teeth at his attitude, becoming increasingly agitated. “Why the fuck would I joke about that? Can you get him for me or not? Tell him it’s-”
“Are you stupid or are you one of those sick fucks who get off on disturbing shit? Either way, get the hell off of our property!” He yells at me. I have absolutely no idea what this guy is on about, but I’m at the end of my patience. He tries to close the door on me so I strike my hand out, stopping it before I use my other hand to punch him in the gut. This brings him closer to my level and easier for me to grab his shirt to bring him eye level so he can see every ounce of fury radiating in my gaze.
“Listen here, fuckface. I have no idea what the fuck I did to you or why you think I’m into some sick, disturbing shit, but I’m just here to find my childhood friend. If you would stop cutting me off I was going to tell you my name. It’s Alayna Morgan and Declan would want to see me,” I state confidently, looking directly in his eyes to show him I mean fucking business. I watch his face fall as I say my name.
My hand drops, letting him go as I take in his change in attitude, not sure why he looks so defeated all of a sudden. A sick feeling starts in my stomach as he drops his head and straightens before opening the door to let me in. He doesn’t say anything as I walk past him into the foyer. He leads me to the living room and yells into the house for an Adam and a Rhys. He motions me to have a seat on the couch as he pours himself a glass of whiskey. Two more jacked up, asshole looking guys walk into the living room.
“What the hell is going on? I need to finish getting ready. Who is she?” The tattooed asshole motions at me.
“Her name is Alayna Morgan,” Big Guy says before downing his entire glass in one go.
“Shit,” the long haired asshole mutters. He turns to me. “You’re really Alayna?”
“That’s my name. Is someone going to get Declan?” I ask as I stand back up, not liking all of these large men standing over me.
“She doesn’t fucking know?” Tattoo Guy looks stunned as he turns to Big Guy. “How is that possible?”
“Somebody better tell me what it is that I don’t know before I blow a gasket. He’s okay, right?” My voice is shaking. I think my whole body is shaking as little things start to piece together. I need confirmation though. I’m praying my imagination is just getting away from me.
“No,” Longhair Guy states quietly, averting his gaze from mine. “He’s not okay. He passed away.”
“That’s not possible. The private investigator just found him a few days ago. He would have seen if he was-” I choke back the word dead. “Gone.”
“That’s because he was alive up until three days ago. You’re just in time for the visitation tonight and the funeral tomorrow,” Big Guy answers, his gaze sympathetic and still so defeated.
“No,” I whisper. “No.”
The one word repeats in my head over and over again. They’re wrong. They have to be wrong.
“I’m afraid so.” Longhair Guy pauses to look at his friends, all of them silently communicating around me. “He killed himself.”
That can’t be true, no. I can’t wrap my head around what they’re saying. Declan can’t be gone. I came back for him. I came to be with him and get the happy life we both deserved. He wouldn’t kill himself. He always promised me that he would never do that. It was supposed to be my turn to save him, I was supposed to save both of us. This wasn’t meant to happen. I don’t want to believe it, but the sadness and grief I see written all over the three guys in front of me, tells me that they aren’t playing me.
I drop to my knees, too weak to hold myself up any longer as my own grief consumes me. A broken wail tears through me, the sound so loud and piercing, it doesn’t even feel like me.
Fuck!I had to take so fucking long to come to him. He needed me and I wasn’t fucking there. Of course I can’t save anyone, I can’t even save my-fucking-self. I’m still tortured every night in my nightmares because I’m a fucked up person pretending to be okay. I’m not okay, just like Declan wasn’t okay and I wasn’t even here for him. My chest hurts as I think about the pain he must have been in to feel he needed to end it. I want to rip out my heart as it shatters inside of me at the thought of Declan feeling like he had nothing left to live for. At least nothing that helped him deal with his demons that haunted him.
I vaguely feel someone touching me, but my body is so numb. I should be terrified of being in a room with three large men and in such a vulnerable state, but I don’t fucking care anymore. It’s like I can’t care about any potential danger I could be in when all I want to do is follow him. If Declan couldn’t handle this world and the shit we went through anymore then there isn’t any hope for me. He was always the strong one between the two of us. He was the one who talked me out of taking my own life when I saw no way out as a teenager. If there was no hope left for him, I have no hope of beating this either.
“It’s okay, Alayna.” I hear a deep voice whisper, trying to bring me back from the dark abyss my mind has spiralled into. “It’s going to be okay.”
“No!” I scream. “Don’t you understand that it’s never going to be okay? He saved me so many times and I failed him when he needed me to be the one to save him.”
“You can’t put his decision on yourself. We were here and we couldn’t save him either. He thought about finding you, but he was so messed up. He didn’t want to screw you up even more with his demons.” I look up, surprised it’s the big guy beside me talking and rubbing my back. His tone is soft and soothing, but it barely scratches the surface of the agony tearing me apart. “You aren’t to blame for someone else’s choices. We can’t save people who don’t want to be saved and he didn’t want to be saved.”
I stare at him for a moment before dropping my head between my legs. I know he’s trying to talk sense into me. I know what he’s saying makes sense, but my grief is clouding my mind and not letting any of his words penetrate my head. There’s so many questions in my mind. There are so many things I feel like I need to know surrounding his death but I can’t bring myself to ask the questions. I can’t bring myself to hear about his struggles or how he hated life so much that he felt his only option was death.
“He broke his promise,” I whisper to no one in particular, my voice breaking along with my heart. “He promised he would never take his own life. He promised he would always find something worth fighting for. He promised.”
“He promised us, too. But Declan was great at breaking promises. He wanted to please everyone too much so he just told you what you wanted to hear,” Tattoo guy chimes in. “If there was one thing you could count on him for, it was always telling you exactly what you wanted to hear.”
“I never noticed that about him before. I guess you guys knew him in different circumstances than I did though.” I sigh, shaking my head and slowly pulling myself together. “When is the visitation?”
