AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Two things you smell
One thing you taste
Running through my exercise, I calm myself down enough to drive back to my motel. The drive is a bit hazy as I think through every worry and what-if of the future. The thing about anxiety is it makes even the most unbelievable possibilities seem like reality. It’s terrifying and debilitating worrying about the worst case scenario like it’s the most probable scenario. What if they lure me to the visitation to kidnap me into a human trafficking ring? The logical side of my brain knows that’s fucking absurd, yet the emotional side is convinced that’s what could happen.
I need to breathe and remember that life isn’t always my worst nightmare. It’s just so hard to remember when my worst nightmares are based off of my real past. I don’t know if I can go say goodbye to Declan. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to see his friends again and act like I’m not a broken woman one step away from shattering. This trip is the exact opposite of what I was expecting. Everyone knows you shouldn’t get your hopes up because it’s the fastest way to disappointment. Still, I was so desperate to find my comfort zone again that I ran headfirst not just into disappointment, but also brutal heartbreak.
I can do this for him. He would have done it for me. I can say good-bye then leave. Just head back to the empty life where I’ll forever be alone. Sounds perfectly horrible which is exactly what I deserve for ever leaving him.
Chapter Four
Rhys
“She’s just sitting there,” Riggs growls impatiently, looking through the front window. “I should go check on her. I don’t want her to be alone while she breaks down like that, it’s not right.”
“Leave her be,” I chide Riggs. Squeezing his shoulder, I move him away from the window. Alayna doesn’t need us witnessing her in this vulnerable moment.
“I just don’t understand what happened.” Riggs shakes his head, his brows furrowed in confusion. “Everything was going okay after the initial reaction to the news. Wasn’t it?”
“Do you remember how Declan would get wasted and talk about his past?” I ask, continuing when he nods. “He didn’t tell us much about what happened to Alayna, he preferred to talk about her and their happy times. But based on the fact that they shared that house of horrors, I can surmise what happened to her as well.”
Riggs' face goes pale as understanding washes over him. If even half the shit that happened to Dec happened to Alayna, she’s going to have deep scars. It won’t be easy showing her she can trust us, but we need to. There’s no way in hell I’m letting that beautiful, broken woman walk away from us. I couldn’t help Dec fight his demons, but I’m sure as fuck going to help Alayna slay hers. Looking out the window again, keeping an eye on her, I sigh when I see her car gone. I hope she drove when she was more pulled together. It’s dangerous to drive when emotions are that high.
“She wasso scaredof us,” Adam mocks, walking into the room with a bottle of water in his hands. “I have no fucking idea why she willingly walked into our house if all that shit happened to her. Declan took months to warm up to us yet she let Riggs touch her almost right away. I don’t trust her.”
“She just found out Declan died you fucking prick,” Riggs shouts, his knuckles turning white with his anger. “You don’t trust her because she had a vulnerable moment when she found out someone she loveddied? What the hell, man?”
“If she loved him so fucking much, where was she the last ten years?” Adam retorts with an eye roll. There’s so much resentment pouring off of him as he speaks. “Even the last fucking five years? You want me to believe that it’s completely coincidence that she showed up as his music took off then he died, leaving a suicide note with a vague mention about giving her everything?”
“Alayna has nothing to do with his death,” I snap, pinching the bridge of my nose. “If you even try to suggest that again I will kick your ass so hard you’ll need a wheelchair. We don’t know her story and until she tells us, you will not insinuate anything. Have some goddamn respect for Declan and the woman he loved.”
“How would she even know about Dec’s letter? It’s not public knowledge,” Riggs jumps in with a good point, looking smug as hell.
Adam is always jumping to the worst conclusions with no proof. He thinks everyone is a liar, cheater, or just evil. You can’t convince him to give second chances to anyone. You can’t ask him to overlook flaws or bad choices. His impression of you will forever be a negative one unless you can somehow earn his trust then never lose it. I have never met anyone with more trust issues than him and that’s saying something since I work in law enforcement.
Used to work in law enforcement, I remind myself. I’m on leave for the foreseeable future, which really means forever. I can’t even find it in me to be upset about that. I can’t find it in me to feel much of anything.
“The cops probably called her,” Adam shouts, continuing with his accusations. “That or his lawyer since he was trying to find her for that bogus inheritance letter. She probably already knew he was dead and just wanted to fucking grave rob him.”
A red haze fills my vision as my intense anger takes over. It’s an odd change from the numbness I usually feel. Grabbing Adam by his dress shirt, I throw him against the wall and push my forearm against his throat. I refuse to let him speak like this about the only good person Declan had in his life before us. This is my house and he will not be disrespected like that.
“You better watch your tongue, asshole,” I bite out. My lips are pulled back in a sneer as I stare him down. “There will be no disrespect of Alayna or Declan in my house. Do you understand? One more word and you’ll find yourself on the street.”
Adam swallows deeply before speaking a raspy understood through his near closed throat. Releasing him, I step away and give him space to collect himself. The tensions are running high between all of us and we need to separate from each other for a bit. This visitation is too important to have us creating a scene and ruining everything. Especially now that Alayna will be there and this will be her only goodbye. We had a few hours with Dec while he was in a coma to say our peace, she didn't have that.
"Let's finish getting ready so we can go to the visitation. We all need to cool down and be on our best behaviour," I suggest calmly. "We'll meet back down here in twenty minutes so we can head off."
Both Adam and Riggs nod, heading in different directions to get ready. I sit in the chair in our living room, dropping my head in my hands while I work through everything that's happened.
I can't believe she's here. If I had a dime for every time Dec raved and swooned over his first love Alayna, I would be able to afford an island off of Hawaii. The fact that she showed up three days after he killed himself makes me sick to my stomach with heartache. They were so close to being back together. So. Close.
This is all so messed up, but sitting here fretting over it isn’t going to do anything. We have the visitation to get to and that means I need to get ready.
Pulling myself up to get through tonight is difficult. It constantly feels like a weight is sitting on my shoulders making it difficult to do anything. My emotions have shut down permanently. At least that's what I thought before I walked into our living room to see the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on. The fact that she'stheAlayna only strengthened the protective, intense feelings I have for her. I know her, almost as well as I know the guys, and I will do whatever I can to protect her.
I finally make my way to my room to finish getting myself put together. I take more care with my appearance than I had originally planned. The reason I repeat to myself is that I'm honouring Declan. The truth is not as beautiful as that. The truth of why I want to look my best is a thought that should never have crossed my mind.
I want her. I want her badly.
