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Shaking my head, I laugh at her facial expressions and lean back into the couch. “I get sleep! I mean the guys do keep me busy, but I’m just exhausted lately. The stress of the bar, the threat against me and the guys, the feeling of unease from the stalking, it’s all just getting to me. I can barely keep my eyes open sometimes.”
“Has this happened to you before? This isn’t the first time life has been stressful for you,” Juliette says, putting her hand on my forehead to check my temperature. “You don’t feel like you have a fever or anything. Stress can increase the need for sleep, but this seems almost excessive.”
Thinking back, there was the one week of doing nothing but sleeping after finding Rachel’s body. It was a different kind of exhaustion, though, the kind that creeps up when your thoughts are too much for your mind to process. Instead, you sleep away the thoughts and bad memories, waking up only when necessary until you’re ready to deal with it all.
That’s not exactly how I’m feeling now, though. I’ll be perfectly fine sometimes, happy even! There isn’t the intense, soul-destroying sadness that’s normally accompanied with the tiredness. After a nap I’m usually okay, until about nine or ten at night, and then I’m exhausted again.
“It’s a little bit more than usual, but I’m not feeling super depressed or anything so I’m not going to worry about it right now.” I shrug, not overly concerned. I’m sure once things calm down, it’ll go away. “I’ve been doing so much to get everything started with the bar, and it’s more work than I had originally anticipated.”
“I can’t believe you bought The Hopped Haus! I am so freaking excited for you,” Jules gushes, grabbing some fruit and tossing it in her mouth. Danni makes a happy sound from the ground, now hitting the light up puppy to make it swing back and forth. “Did you finally pick a contractor?”
“I’ve narrowed it down to two, but I’m not thrilled with either of them. They seem to be pushing for things I know I don’t need, and it’s putting me off working with them,” I explain, laying my head down on the back of the couch. “I may keep looking a bit. I just don’t want to prolong the process too long.”
“That’s fair. Don’t pick someone you’re not one hundred percent confident in.” Juliette lays her head back as well, giving me a small smile. “I actually may know someone who could help you. My brother’s best friend co-owns a contracting business with his father, I could text you their information if you want. My brother used them for his house renovations, and I’ve known the family for years.”
“That would be great! Sorting through all the results online is getting exhausting.” Sitting up, I grab a handful of green grapes to munch on. “How are things going with you? Is your ex still being a tool?”
Juliette looks over at Danni who’s rolling onto her belly, grabbing at the toys on the ground in front of her. “He’s always a tool. So far he’s been quiet, but I think that’s almost worse than him threatening and yelling at me. At least when he’s attacking me, I know where he is and what he’s thinking. I’m so scared he’s going to try and fuck me over. He’s a pro at manipulating everyone around him, and he could make my life a living hell.”
Grabbing her hand, I squeeze it in comfort. “He could try, but I guarantee he’s not prepared for you to have the support system you have. If there’s one thing I’m really good at, it’s putting assholes with inflated egos in their place. He won’t fuck you over, I won’t let it happen. Focus on Danni and yourself. If something comes up, let me know. We’ll get you a good lawyer to punch holes in all of his bullshit manipulation.”
Juliette sniffles, trying to discreetly brush a tear from her cheek. “You’re too good to me.”
“Nah, I’m not. This is what friends do. At least, I think it is.” I shrug, popping a grape in my mouth. The minute I bite into it and the juice hits my tongue, I feel sick. My stomach revolts at the taste. Slapping a hand over my mouth, I rush to the bathroom and manage to open the toilet seconds before my stomach empties.
“Lay? Are you okay?” Juliette comes around the corner with Danni in her arms, her eyes wide with worry. “What happened?”
Sitting back on my heels, I brush my hair out of my face and grimace at the taste in my mouth. After flushing the toilet, I look over at Jules. “Something about that grape did not sit right with me. Once the taste hit my tongue, my whole stomach revolted. I must be coming down with something.”
“Hun, don’t take this the wrong way, but when you’ve been with the guys, were you using protection?” Juliette asks, cringing as the question comes out of her mouth.
My mouth opens and closes like a gaping fish, my mind running a mile a minute thinking through all the sexual encounters from the past month and a bit. Riggs used a condom the first time, I remember that for sure. That said, neither Rhys nor Adam did, and none of them used one two nights ago. Shaking my head no, I stare at my hands in my lap, my mind running in fucking circles.
“Are you at least on the pill or something?” She looks at my face closely, biting her lip when my face completely falls.
“No, the pill made me suicidal, so they took me off of it. I didn’t have sex often enough to worry about a different kind of birth control,” I mumble, dropping my face into my hands and groaning.
“Fuck,” Juliette curses, her face full of sympathy. “You might want to take a test, Lay. The exhaustion, the sickness, the unprotected sex, it all sounds like a high chance of pregnancy to me. I can go with you if you like?”
Shaking my head, I get up off of her floor, washing my mouth out with water and then the small cup of mouthwash Jules hands me. The minty taste almost makes me lose it again, the nausea ramping up my anxiety more than it already is.
“Can I just borrow your car? I’m going to run to the store and grab one now. I just don’t know if I can handle having anyone with me while I buy it,” I confess. My eyes fill with tears that I forcefully blink away, not yet ready to face any of the emotions at the moment.
“Of course. Let’s go get the keys.” Jules walks ahead of me, Danni sitting on her shoulder staring at me. What once was a happy sight, now fills me with anxiety and dread. There’s no way I can be a mother, I can barely be a person sometimes.
Once I have the keys in my hand, I basically run from the apartment, needing definitive answers before I break down. The drug store is thankfully only a five minute drive from her place. Any longer and I would have had to pull over with how badly I’m fucking shaking from head to toe.
Getting into the store is almost a blur, my body moving faster than my mind is capable of processing at the moment. This feels like a fucking dream, and I’m just running on auto-pilot as my brain has a fucking meltdown. If this test comes up positive, I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do. The guys would probably want to keep it, but I’m not parent material.
The woman ringing me through gives me a look of sympathy, the panic clearly written all over my face. She doesn’t comment on the tests, keeping her demeanour sweet and professional. She makes zero effort to do small talk with me, something I am super grateful for. Having to chit-chat with a stranger right now would not go well.
After I buy them, I get the fuck out of there and head to the gas station across the street. Locking myself in their bathroom, I psych myself up as best I can, needing to just get peeing on a stick out of the fucking way. The bathroom is surprisingly clean for a gas station, thank fucking God for small miracles.
“It’s answers,” I whisper to myself, a single tear rolling down my cheek. “Answers I’m not fucking ready for, but I can’t just ignore it. There could be an actual baby inside of me right now, and that’s something that I can’t just ignore.”
Digging my fingernails into my palms, I let out a huge breath, releasing as much tension as I can. Fuck, I’m going crazy. Talking to myself in a gas station bathroom with a fucking pregnancy test in my hands that’s terrifying the living shit out of me. What a fucking shit show this day has turned into.
Not letting myself put it off anymore, I pull my pants down, shoving the test between my legs and attempting to stick it under the stream. It’s a lot fucking harder than I thought it would be. Shit, this is basically rocket science! Cursing myself, I pray that I got enough on the stupid thing when I can’t push anymore out.
