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But I need this.
I really need this.
I start to hurry.
Soon enough I’m at the coffeeshop.
And when I see Rosa, I feel a sudden surge of relief.
I just stand outside the coffeeshop and wait for Rosa to come to me.
When she does, she can tell right away something is wrong.
“Jaci…”
“I just need stuff,” I say. “I’m sorry. I know I sound like a bitch. Just give me something right now.”
“Is everything okay? Are you safe?”
“Don’t worry about me,” I say. “Just hook me up. Pretend we don’t know each other.”
“Well, we don’t know each other,” Rosa says. “Doesn’t mean I can’t ask what’s wrong.”
“You know what’s wrong? I don’t have what I want.”
Rosa nods. “Got it.”
Rosa reaches into her pocket and I move closer to her and hug her.
The exchange is made and I find myself hugging her a little longer.
I don’t know why.
Somewhere in my head I find myself fantasizing about everything all at once.
Which is why I need thezazas.
I fantasize about life if I never left Faye’s house.
I then think about running away with Rosa.
She and I hanging around the coffeeshop all the time.
Dealing drugs?
I pull away from Rosa.
“Thanks,” I say.
“Please be safe,” Rosa says to me.
“I’ll do my best.”
I turn and walk away.
I don’t waste any time in tossing twozazasinto my mouth.
I look up to the dreary, autumn sky and swallow the pills.
