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At least I’ll feel good soon.
Idon’t feel good at all.
I’m drunk and high.
And my mind keeps racing.
Maz forces me to sit on the couch.
Birdie sits next to me.
“I know you can’t talk about things,” Maz says. “You can always trust us though.”
“I just know what happened,” I say. “An old friend of mine is gone. He’s gone forever. I just know it.”
“Did you see it?” Birdie asks.
I look at Birdie. “I didn’t need to see it. I just know it happened.”
“Are you scared?” Maz asks. “Hurt? Worried? Talk to us.”
“I understand it,” I say. “That’s the thing. I want to get upset and freak out, scream and run away but I know I can’t. I know if that were me, I’d do the same thing. That’s what has my head spinning.”
“You’re really messed up right now,” Birdie says. “You need to drink some water.”
“No water,” I say. “I just want this to keep going.”
“Being high? For how long, Jaci?”
“Forever,” I say.
“This is more than what you saw,” Maz says. “This is all your feelings mixed together. The guys who pleasure you are the guys who are killers. It’s tough to accept that.”
“I do accept it,” I say. “Believe me, I do. It’s just… something was said. And Cullen looked right at me and knew what I was thinking.”
“What is it?” Birdie asks.
“It’s about Faye,” I say. “She raised me. Okay? Was she the best caretaker? No. But I was dropped on her porch. You know? I was just left there. She could have given me up right away. But she didn’t. She did her best. She deserves more than what’s happening. It’s not fair.”
“Oh, Jaci,” Maz says. “That’s what has you all messed up.”
“I want to go see her,” I say. “I want to see her and help her. I want to…”
My head feels mushy.
The room begins to spin.
I lean toward Birdie and she holds me.
She strokes my hair. “It’s okay, Jaci. You’re here with us.”
“She needs some sleep,” I hear Maz say.
“Should we call Cullen? Or Archer?” Birdie asks.
“No,” Maz says. “They can’t help her right now. I don’t think anyone can. We just have to make sure she doesn’t get sick and accidentally hurt herself.”
I try to open my eyes but they’ve called it quits.
