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I’m shocked, one, that she’s telling me about this and two, that she’s talking to me with her doctor. “Okay, and? Did it not go well?”
"Yes and no.” She's silent for a beat. “Well, I told her about how kind you’ve been but that I’m still scared.” She lifts her eyes to mine and gives me the softest look I’ve ever received. “You don’t scare me; I’m scared that I’ll get attached and that Talia will find a way to ruin it.”
“Baby girl…”
She shakes her head. “I know you believe that you’re going to protect me. I can’t help this fear that I have.”
I understand that, the fear she has; it’s been ingrained in her for a while and until she can overcome it, there’s no way I can eradicate it for her. The only thing I can do is continue to be here for her. Showing her just how much she means to me. I know without a doubt that I want to spend the rest of my life with her.
“What did the doc say?”
“She asked me if we’d been intimate.” Her cheeks flame. Jesus, she’s so fucking beautiful. “I told her that we hadn’t and what you had said about me wanting to heal first.” She smiles. “My doctor thinks it’s a good idea. I do too, but I’m not sure how long it’s going to take. John, I can’t expect you to wait around forever.”
“I want you and not for just a quick fuck. I am thirty-three years old, Reli; you’re only eighteen, but I know what I want. I've screwed faceless women for two decades; I'm done with that shit. So yes, I’ll wait around forever if that’s what it takes."
"Why me?" she asks in a small voice.
"Because you're gorgeous, you're smart, you’re vulnerable, and you're a fighter." I smirk at her; she’s so fucking strong. She’s survived what that fucking bitch did to her, and she’s coming out the other end.
She shocks me by leaning forward and pressing her lips against mine. The softness of them almost has me losing my control; she opens her mouth slightly and instinctively I sweep my tongue in and brush against hers. The small moan she releases makes my dick strain against my pants. I slant my head and kiss her deeper and harder. Showing her just how much I want her.
She moans again and I pull back; she whimpers as I do. "No, baby girl.” I tell her and I see her lust filled eyes along with the just kissed, pink, puckered lips and all I want to do is pull her to me and do it again. I can’t. We’re meant to be going slow.
“John?” The confusion in her voice fucking stings.
“God, I want you, Reli. I fucking do. But we agreed that you need to heal.” I run my thumb over her lips and she relaxes under my touch. “You’re doing so well; I don’t want to do anything to set you back.”
She nods. “Okay, but what about…” She trails off, her gaze on her fingers that are on her lap. She swallows, her throat bobbing. “Can we kiss?”
I close my eyes; she’s fucking killing me. “Yes, baby girl, if you’re comfortable with that. Then yes, we can kiss. Did you talk to your doctor about it?” She nods and I smile. Good, at least she’s thinking about there being an us. “Eat,” I tell her and place a chaste kiss against her lips.
Her body relaxes further as she reaches for food. “You’re a good man, John Princeton,” she tells me as she gathers food on her plate.
“Thank you, baby girl,” I reply as I stare at her. God, how did I get so lucky to find her again?
Thirteen
Reli
Four Weeks Later
I stare at John’s back as he moves toward the door. Things between us have been getting better. We still only just kiss; he won’t let anything else happen and I’m actually grateful for that. We still have separate rooms and he climbs into bed with me whenever I have nightmares, which aren’t as many as before. I get them maybe twice a week now, and I’m actually able to sleep deeply because I know that John is here to keep me safe.
I’m in love with him. I know that for sure. The man is amazing and has treated me with so much respect and kindness, even after finding out about the abuse. I still haven’t told him about the worst thing yet, and I’m scared that he’s going to think badly of me. My counselor tells me that he won’t, that he’ll see it just as she does and that it was more torture that Talia inflicted on me, but I’m not so sure.
Today I’m meeting with his family. I’m nervous; I know that they all know about the things Talia has done to me and I hate that they do. When people know that you’ve been abused, they look at you differently. They see a victim and I’m trying my hardest to get over what’s happened, but as soon as someone gives me a pitying look it sends me back to that headspace I’ve been working hard to get out of.
He’s talked about our families, his and mine, and for the first time in years I feel closer to my parents than I ever have, even though they are no longer living. His mom and dad were my parents' best friends, they were a major part of our lives, and yet when dad passed, I lost them. Having John talk about them makes me feel safe and at ease; he’s given me something I never thought I’d have again, the feeling of having them with me.
Voices grow louder, and I tense when Markus and Sharon walk into the kitchen. I told John that I wanted to cook tonight; I thought t
hat it would keep me busy and keep my nerves at bay. It hasn’t, but I can hide in here under the pretense of cooking if things get too hard.
“Oh my darling.” Sharon gasps as soon as she sees me and I glance at John, who’s watching us closely. She rushes toward me and pulls me into her arms. “I’m so happy that you agreed to see us.”
Oh God, I was so scared about meeting them again that I didn’t think about how they were feeling. “I’m sorry,” I whisper, the guilt at keeping them at bay hitting me hard. I fight back the tears.
“Don’t apologize, I understand. I just wanted to give you this,” she tells me as she tightens her arms around me. “I didn’t know if anyone had given you one.”
