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She agreed and I told her that I would make sure to get off of work early. I was excited about the prospect. Something was bound to happen. It had been bound to happen since we met, even under those crazy circumstances. Amber and I had a connection. I could feel it every time I was around her and I knew that I wasn’t the only one.
* * *
The weekend came quickly.I was excited to be going out with Amber. I knew that she was seeing someone, but that could change. I was going to change it if I could. First, I had to figure out who the guy was. If I was going to be competing against someone, I at least needed to know what I was up against.
Amber was ready to leave when I got home from work and she acted like she wasn’t excited, but she was. Or at least, I really wanted to believe that. There was something in the air and it felt charged. I was all charged up and when I looked at her, there was anticipation in her eyes. Did she know what I was trying to do here?
She was dressed to impress, tight black dress and heels that made her legs look even longer. It was clear that Amber did see dinner as a date, at least that was what I wanted to believe. I wanted to believe that it was going to be magical. My head was worn out from thinking about it so much. The more I didn’t want to think about it, the more I couldn’t help it.
“You look good.”
“Well, you’re all dressed up too, so you look good as well, Frank, though you always look good.”
She said the last part under her breath, and I heard it, but I didn’t comment. Amber was just like me, feeling the same way. I had to show her that our feelings were valid. It wasn’t just a feeling that I had, some fluke with her, it was the real deal, and I would do anything to make it work out. I’d known that I wanted her since seeing her in my ER. Now, I knew that there was a reason. There had always been a reason, even if I didn’t see it at first.
I walked her out to the car and asked her if I was messing with her plans.
“No, not at all.”
“I mean, I see you leaving most nights, so it’s not going to cause friction, is it?”
Amber blushed like I wasn’t supposed to know about her night-time activities. She wasn’t hiding it though, not that I knew of. It just seemed like she really didn’t want to talk about it. I wondered why, but it was just something else that I needed to keep to myself. It was just that simple.
I couldn’t though.
“No, it’s fine.”
“So, your boyfriend knows that we are going out?”
“He knows that I have a meeting with my boss about his daughter.”
She smiled and I returned the gesture. I didn’t want to be her boss though, I wanted to be so much more than that. Couldn’t she feel it? Look at her dress, I thought to myself. She could feel it too.
19
Amber
Once Frank asked about Tommy, I knew that this was more than just a conversation over a meal. He was all dressed up, in a suit that I’d never seen him in, and he was far more handsome now. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of him and as we drove to the restaurant, I didn’t know what to say. The tension was high in the room, able to be sliced with a knife.
“So, how was your day, dear?”
He laughed and said that it felt like we were a couple.
“It’s like we are a couple, me and you, but we’re the type that doesn’t get to have all of the fun. We just get the sharing of parenting and household chores.”
“Well, I don’t know about sharing of household chores, Frank. You still haven’t fixed the doorhandle in the bathroom.”
He chuckled again and said that he was going to get to it and that I should make him a honey-do list. I thought that it was funny, but it made me feel weird. We weren’t supposed to be close like this, so easy between us. I am pretty sure that’s the last thing that needed to happen. As much as I liked Frank, he was my boss, and I was trying really hard not to make that more complicated than it had to be.
“Maybe you just need to give me a reward and I would be more compliant.”
I scoffed. “Oh, no. I already tried that route, and it didn’t do me any good. You will not see me making the same mistake twice. A girl only has so much inside of her to be turned down in such a way. It killed my confidence; I’m not even going to lie.”
Frank looked over at me surprised. “I wish I hadn’t denied you, Amber. I’ve regretted it ever since. I haven’t been able to really say anything though because you don’t want to and because you started seeing someone that same night. I came back to try and see if I could change your mind, but you were gone with another.”
He knew more than he was supposed to, and he knew the exact time that it had all happened. It was after he denied me that I went back to see Tommy. I had known it was a mistake, that’s why we had broken up the first time, but something had called to me. It was sad how badly I needed sexual attention. Sex was one of the only departments that Tommy and I seemed to agree on. He was fairly good at it and would want it no matter what was going on or what time it was. He was always down for it, and he had been then, just like I knew he would be. He wasn’t supposed to know that much about Tommy though. That was a problem.
I could feel heat rising in my face and I didn’t really know what to say. I could see that he regretted things, but that didn’t mean that it made it any easier to figure out exactly what it was I was supposed to do. This was what I wanted, I think. It was still going to cause problems if it ever went bad, which it always did in my experience. My body and mind were torn.
