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Beatrice
Ilooked around my old childhood bedroom, and I still couldn't believe that I was back here. I hadn't been back to my parents’ house since I ran off when I was 17 and decided that I knew better. I was going to live my life the way that I wanted to, and I had. The only problem was it hadn't turned out the way I wanted it to at all. I had found the man that I thought I was supposed to love, married him, almost had a child with him, and then lost everything.
That is what brought me to where I stood at this very moment. I was surrounded and overwhelmed by a room covered in posters and pictures. My mom and dad had left the place untouched, like a shrine to me and it was a little creepy. I’d been gone five years. I’d walked away from Jericho, and I’d walked away from my family as well, my friends, everything I knew and loved. I had always just wanted to get out of this tiny town that suffocated me and was full of small-minded people.
I was sure that once I got out into the world, people would be different. People would have open minds and compassion for one another. It turned out though, people are people. There are no good or bad ones, there's a bit of both in each one of them. I didn't know why it took me so long to figure that out, but now that I did understand, I was right back where I started. That seemed to be about right.
“Beatrice, are you coming down for dinner?”
Dinner? What time was it? I looked at my watch and realized that it was already 7:30. I had been up here since five and I couldn’t even tell you what I’d been doing. I’d been sitting on the bed, reliving it all and wondering how I had gotten back here.
I went downstairs because it was easier just to go along with it. Mom had a very strong personality, and since we hadn’t been around each other in a while, I figured it was better not to poke the bear. She hadn't changed, which made me leery, because neither had I. We’d always struggled to get along.
Dad was already sitting down, and he asked if I was getting settled in okay. I nodded that I was, knowing that upstairs I hadn’t unpacked a thing. I had just stared at the wall, the posters, the memorabilia, the volleyball trophies, track, homecoming. All of it had sent me down the rabbit hole in my mind and I didn't even know how I was out of it yet.
“I can't believe that you are finally back home. Took you long enough.” Mom piped up from over by the stove. “We were hoping that you would come home eventually. This is where you belong, this is where your family is. You’ve been running around like a gypsy for five years. It's time to stay in one spot and let some roots grow.”
I smiled at her and nodded, hating when she made every metaphor about plants. I didn't know how many times I'd heard a metaphor for a plant from her. It was annoying and I just tried to ignore it. My father had taught me that a long time ago. Don't take everything to heart, he would tell me, don’t let it stick.
“Now, Diane, she just got back. You don’t have to read her the riot act just yet.”
I was glad that he had my back, and I looked down at the plate. They had gone vegan, and I couldn't recognize anything on the plate. It was colorful, it made me want to pull my phone out and take a picture of it to post it, but it didn't look like food. It looked like art. I didn't want to eat art. I wanted a cheeseburger from O’Henry’s, the one that made the whole brown bag greasy from the bottom half down. That’s what sounded good being back home, not colorful art.
“Do you like your dinner?”
I tried to muster up something but the feeling I really had for dinner. “What is it?”
“It's coconut curry with butternut squash,” Mom proclaimed happily, like she was proud of her creation.
“That sounds good.” I could say that truthfully, because it did sound good, but that didn't mean that I wanted to eat it. “It's beautiful, mom, really.”
She kept looking at me expectantly. She wasn't going to stop watching me until I took a bite of the food and after a moment, I just sent up a final prayer and took a bite. I didn't like curry, I didn't like butternut squash, there was a lot of problematic things going on with the plate in front of me, but the sweet coconut seemed to finish it off right. My mom wasn't the best cook, wasn't even in the ballpark of cooks that produced edible food on a consistent basis, but it wasn’t so bad.
I told her how good it was, then she smiled and went back to her own plate. I looked over at dad, seeing the look in his eyes. He was slowly starving to death. I knew that he had a stash around here somewhere. His six-foot frame was not going to run on butternut squash. I told myself I would find out where the stash was later, but for now, I took a few more bites and tried to dodge the questions that were coming at me in a quick-fire rotation.
“Have you gone to see your brother?”
“No, I just got in a little while ago. Remember?”
Mom agreed, “That's right. I don't know where my mind is sometimes. It's just so good to have you back.”
“It's good to be back.” Lies just started coming to me as quickly as the questions. I felt like I was seventeen again, when I was sneaking out and making tall tales to get where I wanted to go.
“What do you plan to do here?”
I shrugged, not really sure how to answer mom. “I don't know, not see Phillip walking around everywhere at work and in town. That will be a step in the right direction.”
“You still run into him in the big city?”
It wasn't that big, it's just bigger than here. Everywhere is bigger than Jericho. I ran into him enough. He had gotten a new girlfriend, she was pregnant, it just became too much.
“Enough.”
Now I had to move on. I knew that but knowing it for six months hadn’t made it any easier. The marriage was over, and I didn’t know what I was going to do next. I never even answered the question because my mind was sent in so many different directions.
After that thread of conversation was done, so was I. I told them that I had to get some rest. It was most likely me running off, but dad smoothed it over, keeping the peace like always.
