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He was pulling over a few blocks from my mom's house and I asked him what he was doing.
“Something that I have wanted to do all night.”
One minute we were driving down the road, and the next we were pulled over and Jeff was kissing me in one quick motion. I was stunned. I didn't know what to say to any of it, and I didn't have a chance to say anything more. His lips were on mine, pressing hard and teasing mine open.
I heard the pleasure that snuck between my lips, and I knew that there was nothing I could do to stop the sound. I wanted to. I didn't want him knowing how his jealousy and rudeness affected me. He wasn't very good at hiding his emotions, most men weren't, but Jeff’s were impossible.
One kiss led to another, and I didn't know how but he was on top of me a few moments later, overwhelming all my senses and making me question everything. Jeff wasn’t stopping. He was all wound up, but I felt his hands on my chest. I pushed him back a little bit and asked what he was doing.
His eyes were glazed over, and he didn't answer. It took him a minute to realize what he was doing and then he pulled back, moving back to his seat. “I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me.”
It was clear what was coming over him, but I didn't want to say that out loud.
“I thought we had agreed that we were going to just be friends?”
“Then why were you dancing with every guy in the place? You knew what it was going to do to me,” Jeff accused.
“I did no such thing. We're not together. I don't owe you anything, and I was trying to have fun. I can't help it that other men wanted to dance with me. I can't help it if you didn't ask.”
I got out of the vehicle because now there was another block or two to walk before I got to my parents’ house. I didn't know why I was so worked up, but I was. Jeff was acting like it was my fault that he couldn’t control himself. That wasn't the case at all. I could dance with whoever the hell I wanted to, and nobody was going to tell me otherwise. I already had Lester getting into my business more than I was comfortable with. I certainly wasn't going to let Jeff do the same thing. I'll be damned.
He called to me a couple of times from the open passenger window, driving alongside of me for a moment. “This is a small town, Jeff. You don't want to get people talking.”
“What if I don't care?”
I stopped and turned to him and walked back to the car, leaning in the passenger window. “I do care. I haven't been back here in years and the last thing I need to do is make it more complicated with you. I don't know why you keep acting like I don't have a say in this. I remember you being a little pushy, but this is a bit ridiculous.”
Jeff got a lost look on his face, and I was afraid that I had been a bit too harsh. I meant every word of it of course, but I could have worded it better. I stood up and then told him I would see him later. I hated to think about the fact that I was going to see him at work. That was not going to be fun. He wanted to own me, and he couldn't have it both ways. He couldn’t hide his feelings, but then also have no one approach me because of him. He wanted to be my man, have the benefits, just not the commitment.
When I got home, both of my parents were out thankfully, and I walked as quietly through the house as I possibly could. I went and laid down in the same bed that I had laid down on as a teenager and looked up at the ceiling, thinking about Jeff like I had so many times in the past. Had I danced with everybody tonight? Was I trying to get his attention? I had, but had I done it for me or had I done it for him? I didn't like the latter idea, because then he would have been right in some of his accusations. Instead, I liked to believe that I was just making my own decisions.
Sleep didn't come for a while and when it finally did, it was filled with Jeff. His words had gotten to me, true, but it was that damn kiss that was haunting me more than anything. I could still feel his hard body against mine, the desire that had encompassed my every thought. That wasn’t something I could forget about. Jeff had broken my heart not wanting me so long ago, but if I didn’t know any better, I would think that him wanting me might be just as bad. It certainly felt like it.
* * *
The next weekwent by without a hitch, even though I had been very concerned about it because of the incident between me and Jeff. I didn't like how we had left things, but the only place that I saw him was the firehouse, and we had both agreed that there was no way we were going to start anything there. It was both our jobs. My brother worked there too, and the firehouse was probably one of the best gossips mills I had ever seen. I knew who was doing who, who was cheating on whose spouse, and everything short of the social security numbers for all the employees by the second day. Constance was not only a hoot to work with, but she also had more information than the FBI. I didn’t want any of these people knowing anything about me.
Probably by about the third day I was working there, Constance decided that she was going to get me up to speed on all of the firefighters that worked there, starting with Jeff. He might have come in and she might have seen him to kick it off, but after he left the admin office, she asked me if I knew Jeff. It threw me off because of how I made it a point to never mention him, ever. Why would she ask that?
“Through my brother, yeah, I know Jeff. They are good friends. They used to live next door to us when I was in high school.”
“Oh, that's right, I didn't even think about that. So, you knew each other well?” Constance asked with a suspicious smile.
It wasn't even a question, more of a comment to herself that she had said out loud and I had heard as well. I didn't know what to say to that, starting to feel a little uncomfortable, because it sounded like she was implying something more. I had only been here a few days. It wasn’t that obvious, was it? Did she know about Jeff and me?
“Yeah, we know each other well. We hadn’t talked in years since I left Jericho, but we danced the other night at Billy’s. He is always around my brother, so I don’t even notice him after a while.” I was talking fast, breathless. I tried to stop, knowing that I was going to have Constance looking at me funny if I didn’t pull it together.
Constance didn’t narrow her gaze, but she was paying attention. I had to watch myself around her. While I was trying to get information from her, she was picking up every little piece that I was trying not to give away. Constance was very adept in learning the truth. If she found out how I felt about Jeff, it would be a disaster, worse so if Jeff found out about it as well.
“Well, whatever it is I just saw between you two, I feel like I should warn you. Jeff isn’t the kind of guy that dates long-term, though you should know that. You’ve been gone a while, so I thought you should know. He isn’t Mr. Right, but a right now kind of guy.”
I hadn’t heard the term in a while, but I knew the meaning of it. “No, don't worry. I am not trying to get involved with Jeff or anyone else. Jeff is like I said, just an old friend because he has been good friends with my brother. There is nothing more between us than that, just friends.” I hoped she believed me, but I didn’t feel all that believable. I knew the truth, and I knew it was crap. I hoped she didn’t pick up the same.
Constance pressed her lips together and nodded her head, but she did not believe me. Not at all. As much as I wanted to deny it even more, Lester was coming into the office where the dispatchers were, and he just smiled. Both of us were quiet as he set some paperwork down and left again.
“Well, whatever is going on or not going on between you and Jeff, I don’t want anything to do with it. The two of them are best friends and they never fight. I think you would be a reason for them to fight and we all love Lester so much here.”
Constance said it like there was nothing else to be said about it. I caught her looking at me a couple of times through the rest of the day, and I tried not to take it personally. She just didn't understand, that's all. Or she understood too well and that’s why I was avoiding being alone with her again. I couldn’t take that honesty, not when it came to Jeff. He was my blind spot, making me do things that I knew were wrong, but there wasn’t much I could do about it.
