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I hadn’t said that. I felt like I was being pushed to Jeff. The more people told me that I couldn’t have something, the more that I wanted it. Sure, it didn’t make sense, but there were a lot of things that didn’t make sense and love was definitely one of them. Lester had just painted a target on his friend’s back for me. Talking about him made me want him more.
16
Jeff
Iheard a knock at the door and had no idea who it would be. Since I hadn’t talked to Lester for so long, I figured that he was calling to let me know that what had happened between us was crazy and he didn't need any of it. I would say the same thing. I didn't want this weird tension between us that had never been there before. I was far more convinced that all we had to do was talk it out and everything would be fine. I couldn't think of any other alternative. Lester and I had been best friends for a very long time. I couldn't even imagine us not talking. The last couple of days truly felt like torture.
“Hey, man, I was just about to…”
My words stalled on my lips. It wasn’t Lester there at my door, it was Beatrice. She was probably the last person I expected to be here, but not the last person I wanted to see. I felt like there was a lot between us that had been left unsaid and needed to be spoken. “Are you going to invite me in?” Beatrice asked, unsure.
She had a smirk on her face, like she knew what kind of torture she was putting me through and she moved past me to get in. What was I supposed to say? Was I supposed to tell her to go?
“What are you doing here?” I inquired.
Beatrice pouted. “I was hoping that you would want to see me. Do you not?”
Of course, I wanted to see her. I had been thinking about her quite a bit lately. I hadn't really talked to her since the whole incident happened. Lester seemed a little bit calmer, but it had been awkward and left much to be desired.
She looked good, had a rosy glow to her face, and I tried not to focus too much on that because I wasn't even sure if I should. There were just so many unanswered questions. I wanted to find out where the conversation was going to go or where it was starting. It didn’t seem like too much to ask, then again, she was probably leaving me in the dark for a reason. I started to think that the reason was not one that I was going to like. What if this was simply the “Dear John” discussion where she told me that it would be better if we were friends? I couldn't be sure that's what she was doing, but I absolutely abhorred the idea of it. I didn’t want to be Beatrice’s friend. I had enough damn friends and most of them I didn’t want to have my way with. That was a hard feeling to reconcile when it came to Beatrice.
“So, what's new, buddy?”
She grinned and clicked her tongue. “Is that what you want to be? Do you want to be my buddy?”
At this point I didn't think there was another option, or I would have said it out loud. I still had no clue how she was taking any of it, and I was certainly curious.
“I want to know what you're really doing here, Beatrice. I don't think you're here because you want to talk about us being buddies. So, why don’t you tell me what's really going on?”
Her smile faded a little bit. Her lip went out and she pouted some more. “You really are no fun, are you?”
My frustration got the best of me, and I couldn’t answer the way she wanted anymore. “I don't know what the hell is going on and you are probably the last person I expected to find at my door. Don't be mad, Jeff, I'm just trying to figure out what is going on.”
“I’m not mad.”
“I just wanted to come see my friend. Does my brother get to tell us who we can be friends with?”
She was talking about one thing, but it didn't even feel like that was really the subject at hand. I asked her again what she was doing here and again she just kind of gave me this answer that did not make much sense to me.
“You had told me before that I was welcome to stop by again. Remember? Is that offer no longer on the table?”
I felt like an idiot. Here I was thinking that she was here so that we could be together, but really, that wasn’t it. I’d thought we’d have this great moment and then we were going to be together. That's how it played out in my silly mind, and I was quite disgusted with myself. I was so worried about something that didn't even matter. She wasn’t here for sex; she was here to swim, most likely.
“You are always welcome here, Beatrice. I meant it. You are always welcome here, no matter what.”
“Good, I know that everything has been weird since Lester found us sleeping like that, so I just wanted to make sure that things hadn’t changed.”
I assured her that nothing had changed, and she seemed to be visibly happy after hearing that. I didn't know why I wanted to play it up more than it really was. I had let my imagination get the best of me. She probably didn't want to offend me, using kid gloves like I couldn't handle things.
“So, do you mind?”
“Mind what?” I had no idea what she was asking me because my mind was certainly elsewhere.
“You know, if I can use your pool.”
I was having a hard time believing that she was there just for that, but I told her that she was more than welcome to. I had used too many assumptions as it was.
Beatrice gave me this beaming smile that confused me more than ever before. “You are such a gentleman, Jeff. I told my brother that. I told him that you would never hit on me. You aren't like that. You’ve had more than enough opportunities and never took them.”
