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“I am sure that it wouldn’t be so interesting.”
I disagreed. Whatever she had to say was going to be interesting. Beatrice had come back out of the blue. I couldn’t help but think that now there was something possible on the horizon, something new and full of promise. I was sure that I had given up on women, but maybe as I always suspected, I was just going after the wrong one. Could Beatrice be it?
I didn't think it mattered either way, I rationalized with myself. I’d probably lost my chance with her. I didn't see Beatrice moving quickly to forgive me. I didn't know if I had ruined things with her or not. I didn't want to believe that I had, but it was a possibility. If nothing else though, I missed her so much since she’d been gone that maybe being her friend would be enough.
3
Beatrice
It was late when I got back to the house. The whole neighborhood was quiet, and I truly didn't want to go in. I knew what awaited me, a long night where I would replay the mistakes of my life repeatedly, until I finally went to bed exhausted, sure that there was nothing at all that I could have done to change things. Being in my head right now was probably the last place I wanted to be. I wish I was in the city. If I wanted to get away from my thoughts, it was easy because there was always somewhere open and some place to be. That's what I needed now, a place to be where my thoughts would not be so chaotic. Here in Jericho, it was easier said than done though.
I snuck back in my room and of course, the main topic on my mind was Jeff. I had thought about him since I knew I was coming back home. I knew we would run into each other. I’d just thought that I’d have a little bit more time before I ran into him in town. I had wanted more time. But just like most things in my life though, I never seemed to get what I wanted.
Jeff was the same, but different. He still looked as good as I remembered, had the smile that made my heart go quiet. I was hoping that after all this time, Jeff wouldn’t have the same power over me as he had before. I didn’t want him to be able to play with my emotions by just being there.
He had broken my heart and probably didn't even realize it, but I was young and naïve and insignificant to him. A lot had changed in five years, and I certainly wasn't the impressionable kid that I was when I left Jericho. Now, I saw the world for what it was. That was probably one of the hardest things that I had to learn.
He seemed so different to me, how he looked at me, but maybe it was something that I thought I saw. It had been so long since we’d seen each other, so I wasn't quite prepared for him when he was there on the pier. I could have handled things better, said something the right way, instead of completely failing as I felt I had now. If I was going to be back in Jericho, I was going to need friends, and whether my brother would have been weirded out by it or not, Jeff and I had been good friends for quite some time and I did not want to lose that.
I didn't know why I was playing hardball with him. I would track him down tomorrow. He used to live next door to me when we were younger, which was probably why he and my brother were best friends pretty much their whole life, but he didn't live there anymore. I'm not sure who lived there now, but it was one of the many changes that I had noted since I’d been back. The small town of Jericho was a place that I’d once loved, as well as hated. Was Jeff the same?
Surprisingly, I got to sleep not too long after lying down. It was probably just the exhaustion between all the chaos. I was still trying to let it all sink in. I was divorced, about to be officially divorced, and the life that I thought I was going to have, was now a thing of the past. I had been so sure that I knew what was coming next, made plans, did everything that I was supposed to do the right way. It didn’t matter though. My husband still cheated on me, and I still didn't get the happily ever after that I was convinced was to be mine.
When I got up the next morning, I felt distraught, probably bad dreams, and I couldn’t pull myself out of it. Going downstairs to my mom and dad at the kitchen table took me back years. It was not something that I had seen coming before. How different my life was changing, and I struggled to feel like there was anything I could do to stop it. I was on a collision course with the future, and it didn't look good.
“Good morning, sweetie. What do you plan on doing today?” Dad asked with a pleasant smile.
I smiled back at dad and told him that I wasn’t 100% sure. I had a bit of savings, but I didn't want to use it all up just in case, so my first order of business was going to be finding a job. I worked at a PR firm in the city, but I knew those kinds of jobs were basically non-existent here in Jericho. The best I was going to hope for was a clerical job, maybe a secretarial job at one of the local law firms. There weren't a lot of options and none of them sounded too wonderful right off the top of my head.
He gave me a couple of options and then mentioned that he saw a sign at the firehouse that they were looking for a dispatcher a couple of nights a week. He was quite pleased with himself for remembering such a thing, though I had never done anything even remotely like that. It was also the fact that he was letting me know in his own way that he wanted me to stay. Dad had never been the reason that I wanted to go. I felt like he understood that I needed to see the world and be free. I liked to think that anyway, though I couldn't be sure.
“Oh, that's a great idea. You know that Lester works over there and can put a good word in for you.” Dad was genuinely getting excited about it.
However for me, working with Lester didn’t feel like a dream come true. We barely got along and almost never talked. Like most siblings, we had a complicated relationship that only time and space seemed to cure. I didn't know if the two of us working together would be a good idea.
“I don’t know if that would be a good idea, dad,” I tried to reason. He knew how things were.
“Oh, nonsense. I don't know why the two of you don't get along. Every time I turn around, you have one reason or another to be mad at each other. You’re brother and sister and are going to only have each other when we’re gone,” Dad blurted out, making me wonder if he was sick of something.
It was usually mom that was the dramatic one. I did know though that her heart was in the right place. I told them that if I couldn't find anything else, I would go down there, which wasn't necessarily a promise, but it was the closest thing to a promise that I was going to give.
I left after a very short breakfast and a cup of coffee because I didn't want the rapid-fire questions like I had the night before. There would be time for all that later, but right now I needed to find something. If nothing else came up, then I might have to actually go check into the firehouse.
I hoped someone around here wouldn’t remember me from my youth, or I might not get a job at all. My rebellion when I was younger was well known. I had already gotten several strange looks from being back, but that was to be expected.
The job situation in Jericho was about what I figured it would be, not the best. I had an interview the next day at the local grocery store for the deli, but let’s just say that it was a job I would rather leave to somebody else. I wanted something better, something with purpose. By the end of the afternoon, I was promised a few interviews, but I was truly no closer to a real job than when I started. I was just going to have to figure something out.
When I got home, there was a phone number to call and though I was happy that mom had written anything down at all, I was hoping for a little bit more information. I didn't like to go in blind, but in this situation, I didn't really have a choice. I let it ring a couple of times before it was finally answered, and I started to relax. Whoever it was, I was about to find out. The last person’s voice that I thought I would hear was Jeff’s, but it immediately made me smile to myself. What did that mean?
“What are you doing calling here? You know that my brother wouldn’t want you calling me.”
“It has nothing to do with your brother. I was hoping that we could talk.”
“What is there to talk about?”
“I'm hitting the beach later tonight and I was wondering if you wanted to come with me,” he asked hopefully.
“The water is going to be freezing. Are you crazy?”
