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“You have to want to fix it, Callahan.”
He felt a headache forming behind his right eye. “And why would I be asking about it if I don’t want to fix it?”
She finally looked at him then. Her eyes were angry, but there was something else in their depths.
“I’m not sure. You pick and choose when you want to care and when you don’t. It’s impossible to know which one I’ll get at any given time.”
“Explain,” he bit off when the fire drew her gaze with a loud pop and she didn’t continue.
“You have no problem wanting me with your mouth and your fingers and your cock. But I don’t want that. I don’t want only that,” she amended.
“What do you want?" his voice sounded hoarse to his ears, and he couldn’t stop staring at her.
“I want something you’re not interested in giving me.”
“Try me.”
She looked at him, and that feeling he’d had when he’d seen her at the top of the stairs lanced through him again. He still couldn’t name it, but it made him want to reach out and touch her.
“I want you to care about me. About all of me. And not just when we’re naked or I’m in danger. I thought I could do it. I thought I could settle for what you were comfortable giving me, but I can’t.”
She took a deep breath. “l can’t live this way. So either you want me all the way, or you need to let this marriage stand in name only.”
The way she said it had his throat tightening. “Meaning?”
“Meaning you get exactly what you said you wanted from the beginning. A ring on my finger and nothing to do with me.”
When she got up and moved to the bathroom, he said nothing. He couldn’t make all the thoughts flying around in his head make sense enough to speak. He heard the door close and the lock slide into place. After a beat, water started running into the tub.
He sat staring into the fire while drawers opened and closed on the other side of the bathroom door. Eventually the water stopped, and he imagined her reclining against the edge of the tub with her hair piled on top of her head.
It wasn’t that he didn’t want her, all of her. It was that he was afraid to. For a long time, he had carefully built walls around himself to keep people out. Women, his brothers, and even his friends were never allowed to get too close. It was easier that way.
Easier than the way his father had been devastated over his mother’s death Aidan’s entire life. Easier than the way Evie’s leaving Declan had nearly broken him. Easier than the terror Brogan experienced when he thought he’d lost Libby.
Excavating those walls to let Viv in felt dangerous. It sent warning signals to his brain. He’d never wanted this. But now that he had it, now that he had Viv, he didn’t want to let it go.
Pushing to his feet, he crossed to the door and tested the knob, resting his forehead against the wood when he remembered she’d locked it behind her. He took two quick steps back, staring at the sliver of light under the door before turning on his heel and rushing from the room.
The idea of losing her made him feel like he couldn’t breathe. And the idea of keeping her terrified the shit out of him.
ChapterTwenty-Five
Aidan swirled the scotch around in his glass but didn’t take a sip. He’d let the guys talk him into going out tonight for no other reason than he didn’t want to admit he’d rather be at home and couldn’t think of a better excuse to say no.
After their discussion the other night, Viv had reversed the roles on him, and now she was the one always standing just out of arm’s reach. He didn’t like it. She wasn’t mean; she never let his goading devolve into arguments. He would have preferred that to her icy politeness, a glimpse into how the rest of their lives might go if he didn’t make a decision. He missed her fire.
“Earth to Aidan!”
On a sigh, Aidan tossed back the rest of his scotch and set his empty glass on the tabletop. He really regretted agreeing to this drink.
“Where is your head tonight, man?”
“I’m right here.”
Liam snorted. “Yeah, right. That blonde over there has been making eyes at you for the last ten minutes, and you’re looking right through her.”
Aidan’s eyes followed Liam’s nod to the bottle blonde in the too-tight dress. “That’s because I’m not interested in that blonde over there.”
