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One
Cartier
I started my day the same way every morning. No matter how many hours early I had to get up, I made sure I did everything on my list before starting my day. The only time I switched up my routine was if I was sick or on my period, then I’d cut a few things out. Other than that, my sanity and peace depended on me getting up just a few minutes before the sun rose to spend time with myself and God before anyone else… even my boyfriend, Raven.
Just at the thought of Raven, I smiled. Ours had been a whirlwind romance. We met exactly one year ago in Memphis, my hometown. We dated for a month before Raven asked me to be his girlfriend. Three months after that, Raven moved to Los Angeles and asked me to move with him. The only reason I agreed was because my brother, Saint, lived in Los Angeles with his wife, Tristan. Though his career as a rapper kept him on the road, I felt more secure moving over a thousand miles away, knowing family was still close.
When Raven asked me to move with him, I thought it was a joke. We were visiting Saint and I expressed to Raven how much I loved Los Angeles. Admittedly, the parts I’d gone to were for tourists, and my opinion of the city changed when we lived there. Raven had a habit of giving me anything I wanted and needed, which made me fall for him fast. A week after we made it back to Memphis, he was looking at condos and apartments for us. It took me a few days to process the fact that Raven was about to make a move here possible, but as soon as I did, I was packed and ready to go!
Los Angeles and Memphis were both cities filled with hustlers. Even with me working as an academic advisor at LASC, I still worked evenings at Tristan and Saint’s bar and grill. I couldn’t stand my sister-in-law, but the woman had a brain for business. That was the only reason I could see them staying together because they hated each other and didn’t hide it. It could get tiring working two jobs, but I was too proud to let Saint take care of me… especially since I’d moved here with Raven. Unfortunately, he’d lost his job about two months ago, and that was weighing on both of us heavily.
Raven could easily get a job working at a store or restaurant, but his ego kept him from doing anything that paid less than what he felt he was worth. I could respect that, but as a man, I expected Raven to do whatever it took to provide for us. Where I came from, a man’s ego took a bigger hit if he couldn’t take care of his woman… especially one like me. Raven knew I would never cheat on him, but between my jobs alone, there were men trying to pursue me daily. I had a great deal of love for him, though we weren’t in love, and that was the only reason I was still with him.
That, and the fact that the apartment was in both our names. I could afford it myself, working two jobs, but it was definitely not something I wanted to make a habit of. Every part of my body literally ached for him to humble himself and find work soon so I could get a break. Until then, I would do whatever I needed to make sure our bills were paid. And that was why it was so important for me to start my day with my routine. Once I left the house, I would be bombarded by one energy after the next. I needed peace and calm and the power to keep negative energy from consuming me.
Making my way inside from the patio, I headed directly for the kitchen. I turned on my gospel playlist and lit a few candles before washing my hands to start breakfast. It was Wednesday, which meant I had to work both jobs today. When I did, I usually fixed breakfast and packed lunch, but had dinner at the bar before I started my shift.
Once I had all the ingredients I would need out on the counter, it didn’t take long for me to fix a few eggs, sausage, and pancakes. There was already a small bowl of chopped fruit in the refrigerator, so I pulled that out, too. By the time I was done, Raven was sluggishly making his way out of our bedroom while scratching his head. I couldn’t help but smile at the sight of him. He’d been good to me from day one. A lot of women might not have stuck around to give their man time to get back on his feet, but I didn’t mind.
We had an agreement, though. If he didn’t have a job in six months, we were going to separate.
“Good morning, baby,” I greeted, setting a plate for both of us on top of the bar area.
“Morning,” Raven replied, wrapping his arm around my waist and placing a kiss on the top of my head.
It wasn’t the usual full hug and kiss on the lips we gave each other, but it would do. After pouring us both a glass of orange juice and cutting the music off, I sat next to Raven so we could eat. He said a quick prayer before stuffing his face. I wanted to question him about why he was eating so fast because he didn’t have a job to go to, but I hoped he had an interview. Not wanting to make it seem like I was pressing him about finding work, I asked, “You have anything planned today?”
Licking his lips, Raven swallowed the food that was in his mouth, then wiped the corners of it.
“Yeah. I got a few runs to make,” he said.
“Oh. Are you going to be able to meet me for dinner still?” His head shook, but he didn’t answer me vocally. My brows bunched in confusion and head tilted as I set my fork on my plate. “Are you feeling okay?”
Raven sighed and looked over at me briefly. “I didn’t want to talk about this right now.”
“Talk about what?” He sighed again and I chuckled. “Spit it out, Raven. What’s going on?”
He ran his hand across his mouth and rested his elbows on top of the counter. Even with uncertainty in his eyes, Raven was still attractive. His body drew my attention to him first. It was evident he stayed in the gym by his sculpted muscles. He had a hairy chest with tattoos underneath, and every time he went shirtless, it drove me crazy.
“I think we should take a break,” he announced.
I didn’t take breaks, but I was willing to hear him out. “Why?”
Raven’s eyes shifted straight ahead. He gripped my thigh, and I had to keep myself from removing his hand. While I attached quickly and easily to men, I didn’t hold on to them if they wanted to leave. I just suffered silently until I was able to detach from them instead. Mentally, I knew steps to take to remind myself that people weren’t possessions and all that jazz, but when you were as in tune with your emotions as I was and your heart was hurting, that was a lot easier said than done.
“I don’t want to do something I’m going to regret.”
“Like what?”
“Like cheat on you.” I scoffed before I could stop myself, causing Raven to look at me. “I feel like less of a man here with you. I’m not going to lie, I was out last night and met someone new. She doesn’t know about my situation, and it was nice talking to someone that I felt like I could impress. I feel like I’ve failed you, and I don’t like how that feels.”
I considered my response because I didn’t want him to feel like I was belittling him or not taking him seriously. But to be honest, what he said sounded like bullshit. Were men really this damn dense, or did Raven think I was a fool?
“So instead of getting a job to fix how you think I perceive you, you’re just going to leave and start over with someone else? What do you plan to do? Lie about not having a job? This isn’t really making a lot of sense, Raven.”
“It doesn’t have to make sense to you, Car. It’s how I feel. What I’m going through. I can’t stay here with you taking care of everything, so I think we should take a break.”
“I don’t take breaks, so we can break up.”
