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“Yeah?”
“Can we talk?”
“About?”
Mariah looked back briefly before stepping out into the hallway and making her way over to me.
“I know you and Hosea are good friends and I’m not sure what your situation is, but I was wondering if you could stay somewhere else.” My scoff didn’t slow her words from spewing. “Now that I’m back, I really want to give my relationship with Hosea a chance. If he has to worry about us and you, his priority will be split. Can you please leave so he can focus on us and the baby?”
I was conflicted. Because of my childhood, I want every child to have both parents and their presence when it was possible. That alone made me want to leave. I took up a lot of Hosea’s time, and I knew he would still try to make time for me and keep me as his priority.
The other part of me didn’t want Hosea to believe I was yet another woman walking out on him. I also felt like leaving would give Mariah a clearer path to him. Did I trust Hosea not to have sex with her while we were doing what we were doing? Yes, but I was more concerned about the emotional connection that would be made.
“If I leave, it will be because me and Hosea decide that’s for the best, not because of you. You don’t get to come in here a year later and call any shots.”
She laughed as she crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m trying to be nice, Cartier.”
“I don’t give a fuck. You hurt him, and I feel some type of way about that. If you think I’m going to make it easy for you to get close to him just to hurt him again, you’re out your motherfucking mind.”
Her eyes rolled as she groaned. “God, here we go with this shit. I had every right to leave, just like I had every right to come back. If Hosea isn’t giving me a hard time about the choice I made, I for damn sure won’t take that shit from you.”
“Hosea loves you, but I don’t. He might not call you out on your shit, but I will. You were foul then, and there’s something about you that’s foul now. I don’t know what it is, but I hope Hosea finds out before you waste another year of his life.”
Without waiting for her rebuttal, I headed out of the suite. I definitely wouldn’t be able to stay here as long as she was here, whether Hosea wanted me close or not.
Twenty-Six
Hosea
“Tink, I don’t like you having to stay away from our home until I get back just because you’re avoiding Mariah.”
She sighed into the receiver. “It’s for the best at this point. I try to ignore her, but every day for the past week, she’s been trying to find a bullshit ass reason to say something to me. I’m losing my patience, Hosea, and I really think it will be best if I leave.”
I didn’t want that, but I also couldn’t be selfish. Something had to be done because things couldn’t continue the way they were. For the past week, they had been going back and forth, mostly because of Mariah. Cartier tried to avoid and ignore her, but Mariah would always find a reason to talk to her. I knew she did it because she knew Cartier didn’t like her, and I asked Cartier not to feed into Mariah, but that felt wrong, too. I shouldn’t have been asking Cartier to deal with Mariah’s pettiness just because I wanted all of us under the same roof. That wasn’t fair to either of them, but especially Cartier.
“Can we talk about this when I get home, Cartier?”
After several long seconds, Cartier agreed with, “Fine,” before quickly disconnecting the call.
My eyes closed and head flung back against the couch.
“That didn’t sound good,” my mom pointed out while she and my dad played with Santino on a pallet in the middle of the floor. I hadn’t wanted them or my sister to meet him until I got the DNA results back, but when they heard there was a possibility I had a baby out here, they insisted on meeting him.
I was attached to my lil’ guy already, but I didn’t have the bond I thought I would have with my son. I wasn’t sure if it was because of the lingering test results or the fact that I’d missed Mariah being pregnant with him and the first few months of his life. He felt more like a baby I was keeping for a friend more than my own son, and I didn’t like the feeling of that.
I’d been spending literally all of my free time with him, trying to shake the feeling, but that was easier said than done. The more time passed, the guiltier I felt for not having the fatherly bond I thought I should have. I tried to show myself grace and give it time, but that was easier said than done, too. If Santino really was my son, he deserved to have the bond with me that I had with my father, and I was not going to give him anything less.
“Cartier wants to leave, and as much as I want her to stay, I might have to let her.”
“Well, son, that’s a small space for big tension,” my dad said. “Are they still having their spats?”
“Yeah, and I feel bad about it. Mariah hates when Cartier and I have Santino, which creates tension. If I’m with him, she expects me to be with her too. I barely get to spend alone time with Cartier unless we’re sleeping because I’m trying to bond with my son, but I don’t know. It just doesn’t feel right.”
“It’s not going to feel right if you’re trying to force it. It should be natural,” he said.
“You have to separate Mariah from Santino,” my mother added. “When you see him, do you see your son, or do you see the baby she kept from you and randomly showed up with a year after leaving you?”
“Honestly, I see an innocent child that she’s trying to use to get close to me. To receive my protection.”
