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I’d already reached out to Assad Black about Gino, and he promised me he would be taken care of ASAP. The robbery was one thing, but putting his hands on a woman, my woman, sealed his fate. As soon as they found him, Gino was dead. My mind constantly wondered how she would act when she knew she was truly safe. Would her desire for me change?
“So you don’t feel a connection to him at all?” my dad asked.
My head shook. “Not familial. No. I mean, I care about him, and I do feel attached to him. I enjoy having him. But I don’t feel like he’s mine.” Mom asked when the DNA results were set to arrive and I told her, “Hopefully within the next three to seven days. I paid a lot of money to get rapid testing and results, but it’s still taking time.”
“Well, son.” She exhaled a hard breath and stood. “I’m going to pray for you, but I’m also going to give you advice as a woman. If you care about Cartier at all, separate those women as quickly as you can. What you’re doing is noble, but if Cartier feels slighted or disrespected, she will resent you. And from the sound of it, you’re not getting time to nurture your relationship with her. That might be okay now, but if the baby turns out to be yours and you create a habit out of that, she’s going to feel neglected. Dedicate at least an hour a day to yourself and an hour a day to Cartier alone, minimum. Don’t take advantage of her willingness to work with you while you sort this mess out.”
I agreed with everything she said. I needed to fix this soon. Santino had me wanting to keep Mariah in the suite with me so I could be close to him. When Mariah left, I thought I was hurt because I loved her so much. Now that she’d returned, I didn’t feel that way at all. I realized I was hurt because someone I loved hurt me. For the past year, I actively nurtured that hurt, but the love had long since dissolved.
It was easier for me to shield my heart by telling myself Mariah had it, but the truth was, it was still in my possession. Every broken piece. Cartier’s love was shining through, providing light to the darkness that had been consuming me. If anything came from having my heart shattered by Mariah, it was the careful way in which I loved Cartier.
I loved Cartier.
Whether I had the courage to say it or not, my heart knew it.
As broken and open as it was, it longed to be filled with Cartier’s love.
“Fuck!” I roared, leaping up from my seat. The night Mariah came back, Cartier made it clear she wanted to commit to me. It was all I’d been wanting and hadn’t even given it a second thought. “I’msosorry, Mama,” I said, giving her a quick kiss on her temple. “Please forgive me.”
Her head shook as she chuckled. “I’m going to assume that outburst means you had an epiphany.”
“I did. I know what I have to do.”
“Good,” my dad said. “And it better be putting Mariah and Santino in a suite next to yours until you get the results back. Then, you’ll take care of your son by any means necessary, but you’re also going to take care of my daughter-in-law, too.”
I chuckled as I sat back down. “Slow down, Pops. I gotta make her my woman first.”
“She should havebeenthat! You got the girl staying with you, and I’m sure you’re having sex,” my mother said as I picked Santino up.
As she continued on, I lost myself in the sight of Santino’s gummy smile. I think she was right—Mariah was what was making it difficult for me to connect with Santino. If he was really my son, I’d have to make sure we had boundaries in place that would keep her from ruining being a father for me. No matter when I found out about him, Santino was a child that I could honestly say was created in love if he was mine. My love, whether his mother returned that sentiment or not. And because of that, Santino would receive all the love I had to give.
* * *
When I made it home, Cartier was sleeping. While I waited for her to wake up, I gave Santino a bath and fed him in preparation for his bedtime. As I fed him, Mariah sat next to me and took several pictures and videos. When she started getting in them herself, I told her…
“Don’t post that on social media and try to make it seem like something it’s not.”
Her eyes rolled. “We’re a family, Hosea.”
“We share a child. You and I are not family.”
She looked at me as if she couldn’t believe the words coming out of my mouth, and she probably couldn’t. Mariah was used to me talking sweetly to her, but those days were over.
“Zay…” she called sweetly, rubbing the back of my neck. “I regret leaving you. I should have talked to you so we could figure things out together. Leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life, and I really want to fix that. Please tell me we still have a chance.”
“I’m with Cartier,” I clarified.
“Do you love me?”
“What does love have to do with anything? Love didn’t keep you from leaving me.”
“Baby, I’m sorry, okay? What more do you want me to say?”
“I don’t want you to say anything, Mariah, especially while I’m trying to get him to sleep.”
She released a hard huff. “You’re never going to give us a chance as long as she’s here, are you?”
Without answering, I handed her Santino. Clearly, she wasn’t getting the message, and I was tired of trying to make her understand. I made my way into the bedroom, locking the door at the sight of Cartier sitting up in bed.
