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Usually, I have no problem ducking unwanted calls, but the woman raised me – and with manners, too - so I head to the back to see what she needs. Her voicemail is brief, and to the point.
“Phineas Henry Dashford the Fourth…”she announces,because she knows my full name makes me squirm.“I’m thinking of taking a little trip up to see you. Dinner, the theatre… Perhaps you’ll have someone to introduce me to, as well. I’m not getting any younger, and neither are you. And I would so love some great-grandchildren to continue the Dashford name…”
I hang up with a wince.
“That doesn’t look like good news.”
I turn. It’s Charlie’s cousin, Olivia, regarding me with a smirk. “Don’t tell me someone letyoudown for a change.”
“The opposite,” I reply, tucking my phone away. “My grandmother is pining for me to settle down. I bet you a hundred bucks that she’ll show up for lunch with a date -- for me.”
“And that’s a problem?”
“With the kind of women she picks? Hell yes.” I shudder. “A parade of perfect princesses from her country club, believe me, I’ve seen them all.”
And suffered through interminable charity events, making polite conversation with girls who only care about my family’s credentials, not the guy behind those Roman numerals.
“Well, if you ever need an alternative, I would be able to rustle up some non-princess options.” Olivia produces a card.
“That’s right,” I remember. “Your fake dating agency. Although, you’re kind of failing on at least one of those fronts,” I add. “Since basically every couple you set up gets together for real.”
“Call it a gift.” She grins. “Anyway, let me know. I have everyone from former ice skating champions to Pulitzer prize nominees on my books. I’m sure we could find someone to keep your grandmother happy.”
“I might just take you up on that,” I agree, tucking her card away. But who am I kidding? Just because grandma Zelda is ready to rush me down the aisle doesn’t mean I need to change a thing just yet. The bachelor lifestyle is treating me pretty good so far, and on a night like this, with the city’s most beautiful women crammed in the bar, settling down can wait a year – or ten.
At least, that’s what I think. But it turns out, fate – and my grandmother – have something else coming my way…
Sooner than I expect.
TO BE CONTINUED…
