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Why? Why would Lucian want to sever our bond?
* * *
Lucian
Ismelled Natalie the second she teleported into the house. I could tell Sif did, too, because she looked to the house and widened her wings excitedly.
"You like her, don't you? So do I." I ruffled her feathers, and we both turned to walk back to the house when Natalie jumped over the back patio's railing.
“Hey, sorry I missed your call. Sif had a bone stuck inside her mouth, and I was having a hell of a time removing it." The closer I got to Natalie, the more obvious her pain was. "Natalie? What’s wrong?” I asked, seeing the tears in her eyes.
“Why?” she asked, her voice low. “Why have you been trying to break our mate bond?”
I went still. “What?”
“A witch from Esavale was just at my house telling me about it. She thought it was a mutual decision." Natalie laughed, although it was more mocking than humorous. "I was so confused, because hey, I thought we were okay. In fact, I thought this was going pretty well for the most part. But maybe I was wrong."
I closed my eyes and turned away. As I did, Natalie cried, "Don't walk away from me! What the hell is going on, Lucian?"
"I'm not walking away from you, Natalie, and nothing is going on. I'm not trying to undo our bond—not anymore." Her head twitched as if I'd slapped her, but it was her red-rimmed eyes that tugged at my heart. “I can explain, okay? There are things you don’t know, things about my past.”
She said nothing, but she neither looked away nor blinked. The blue in her eyes was dotted with black. I could tell she was struggling to keep her wolf and her emotions in check.
"I had a partner on Earth . . .” I said. I should have told her this sooner, and I had been a fool and a coward not to. "She was a werewolf, and she died by my hand. That’s why I’ve been afraid of growing close to you, to anyone.”
To say such a thing now—and to Natalie I felt like a monster.
She finally blinked, but she didn't say anything or even move, and somehow, that was more terrifying than when she was yelling. This wasn't how I wanted to tell her about my past. And the way she was looking at me, as if she didn't recognize the man she was seeing, felt like a knife through my chest.
I pulled my necklace from beneath my shirt and held the ring out to show her. “Her name was Otsana, and this belonged to her. The pack I’d settled with after years of being a nomad was hers. And after we helped a witch coven survive a vampire attack, they made two rings for us, identical rings. Our traditions for mating were different from that of the coven, but the witches gifted us with the rings just the same."
I took a deep breath.
“A day before we were to be officially mated, the village was attacked by a vampire General. I'd killed the General's mate, who had been a part of the attack on the coven, and so he came for revenge." I swallowed audibly as memories I’d kept buried sprung free. “I wasn’t at home when it happened. I’d left with two others to go hunting, so we had no idea what was happening until we saw the smoke clouds. We hurried back, but by then, it was too late. Children, adults, old and young, they were all infected. Not one wolf was left pure enough to be granted passage to the God Realm.”
I turned away, unable to stand Natalie’s look of betrayal, and my body grew cold as my powers were awakened. “The General didn’t kill Otsana. Instead, he made her watch as everyone in the village was slaughtered. Then he bit her and left her to be found by me. When I got there, she was already turned . . .” My claws pierced my palms. “We fought, and that's how I got this scar."
I touched the scar on my face that ran through my eye. Once again, I felt the moment Otsana’s claws had sliced through my flesh. I’d tried for so long to avoid fighting her, but in the end, I had no choice.
"My wolf took over. I was refusing to fight her, and she would’ve killed me. Finally, I lost control. For a second, she recognized me. She saw through her bloodlust, and she begged me, begged me to kill her.” I closed my eyes, wishing I could forget the feeling of my claws digging into her flesh. “She’d suffered because of me—because of my actions and from my own hands.”
Even after so many centuries, I could still smell the blood and burning bodies. I could still smell Otsana’s scent, an odor that had changed from one I'd adored to something that stung my nostrils. She was the only woman I'd ever loved. And as powerful as I was, as much as I was considered the strongest by everyone else, I couldn't protect the woman I loved.
How was a man to ever move on from something like that? I still closed my eyes and saw her eyes, once beautiful and blue, turn as red as the blood she craved.
“She should be the one here!” I turned to face Natalie and found tears running down her cheeks. “She was the one who deserved a second chance, the opportunity to experience all of this. Not me! I don’t deserve to be looked at the way you look at me, the way she looked at me. For a long time, I believed that no woman was safe with me. Look at what happened at the festival. You were caught in my attack. I should have taken you home. But I didn't.”
"I'm sorry about what happened, Lucian. I am." Natalie wiped at her face. "But let me get this straight. You vowed to never love another because you believed you caused the demise of your village and the death of the woman you loved. You think that me being with you will only lead to disaster, right? Is that what you're saying to me?"
"The village had never been attacked before, in all the years they'd been there. Upon my arrival, the whole pack was annihilated."
Natalie looked away, then combed her hair back with one hand. "Ruby, who is at the S.R.F right now, is the one who ended my life. A vampire bit me, Lucian, and I was on the brink of transition. I begged her to take my life while I was still an Enchanted. She didn't murder me, she took mercy on me. And as hard as it was for her, I'm sure, she did what I asked. And I'll be eternally thankful to her for that. You didn’t murder Otsana. Her blood isn’t on your hands. It’s on the hands of that vampire General who’s now long gone. You helped to save lives, only it led to others being taken. But that's not on you. And if she loved you the way you say, and she asked you to put an end to her suffering, she would never want you to punish yourself like this."
Then Natalie’s eyes turned black. “I wish you had told me all of this. You could have told me the truth. I asked about that ring so many times because I figured it belonged to someone special. But this, this isn't right, Lucian. You've been pretending to care for me this whole time, all the while, trying to figure out a way to get rid of me."
"That's not true," I told her as she pressed her palms into her eyes. "I've fallen for you, Natalie. I confess, I fought it. For centuries, I've been content to be alone. I deserved to be alone. But . . .” I ran my hand through my hair. “But I fell for you."
Natalie shook her head. "You being bad luck didn't lead to this disaster, Lucian. You chose to do this! And to think, you've been complaining about sharing me with Rumir when you didn’t even want me in the first place! You should have rejected me the second we met!”
