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He seriously thought that? "You're clearly not paying attention if you think I'm keeping it all together. I don't know what the hell I'm doing, Javier, and now I have an entire pack depending on me, who chose me to be their alpha, Javier. I already had enough pressure dealing with the Wolf Moon's gift, and now I have a pack."
"I'm pretty sure they're synonymous with each other. After all, isn't the gift meant to create the strongest pack of our generation? Well, you have a pack now, one that'll become the strongest."
"But how?" I threw my head back and groaned. "How am I supposed to do that? I don't know the first thing about being an alpha, and yet Byron and the others put their faith in me. What if I mess up? What if I fail them?"
"You won't fail them," Javier stated flatly. He grabbed my arms and held me in place, looking me dead in the eyes. "You're not giving yourself enough credit, Rosa. You don't realize how you're already fitting into the role of Alpha."
"What are you talking about?" I asked, tilting my head to the side.
"You commanded an entire crowd to hear you out, with your friends backing you up. You stated to that fucker that Kingsrose was yours to protect it. You knew Byron had more knowledge about the betas he brought with him and trusted him to arrange a schedule that best suited them. You took charge and looked after your mates in their time of need. You know what all that sounds like, Rosalinda? An alpha. A good alpha who worked with what she had. While it's true you didn't have proper training, you still have the fundamentals on what it means to be a true alpha, which is looking after your pack, your home, and your mates. Qualities you had since before you formed the Kingsrose Renegades."
I didn't think anything I did was special. Nothing that someone else in my shoes couldn't have done. I wasn't even sure if the other shifters in Kingsrose would be joining us or not. I held no blame towards Kai for what happened, but at the same time, having one of my co-alphas and mate going batshit crazy and nearly killing someone, certainly didn't give us a good impression. What if we blew our chance to win them over?
"Stop it." I jumped at the sound of Javier's voice snapping. "I can see the gears turning in your head, Rosa. You did fine today."
I wish I had his confidence. I wish I had his knowledge. Javier was an alpha and was more than prepared to take on the role after our adopted father. Watching him command his pack, he made it look so easy. "How do you do it, Javier?" I asked. "How do you handle being an alpha?"
Releasing his hold on me, Javier leaned back against the rail, his elbows resting on top as he recalled his time running the Blue Moon Pack. "It's not something you can overthink. It's more of a feeling, of knowing what needs to be done, and getting it done. When I first took over, I was just as overwhelmed as you are now. I didn't want to be a bad alpha, but I damn sure knew I didn't want to run the pack the same way Gregory had. I had to follow my own path, trust in my own instincts. I had to put my own feelings aside and make the tough choices that were for the good of the pack."
"Were you ever scared of failing?"
Javier snorted. "Every damn day. Even now, I'm worried that I'm failing my pack by not being there. I know Malcolm and Nash are watching over them, but it's not the same as physically being there."
That had my heart tightening with guilt. He'd been with us for nearly a month, which meant he was neglecting his duties for the sake of protecting me. I knew Javier and the others chose to be here for me, but I still felt bad for taking them away from the pack for this long.
"Before you even think it, don't," Javier said, already knowing where my mind went. "I may feel bad for being away from the pack for this long but going back and worrying about you wouldn't have me focused. I want to make sure you're safe first before I go back."
"I'm not in any danger right now," I pointed out. "And I've made it this far."
"Yes, you did, which is why you're more than cut out to be an alpha. You had a goal in mind, and you stuck to your guns. You were determined to find answers about the Wolf Moon's gift and look where we are now. You have the goal, and the desire to see this through to the end, and you won't have to do it alone. You're not the same Rosalinda who left New York to find her own way in life. You're now the Rosie who found it. Y estoy tan orgullosa de ti."
"I'm proud of you too." I straightened and looked towards the door, finding Joaquin standing there with a soft grin on his face.
My heart skipped a beat at seeing him, once again relieved that he seemed to have made a full recovery. It almost felt like a dream seeing him up and about after spending days worrying about him, not realizing how much pain and torture he endured just to protect us.
Javier straightened up and stretched his arms over his head. "Well, that's my cue to head back inside. I'm going to check on my crew, then get some sleep." Before leaving, Javier pulled me into a tight hug, kissing the top of my head and wishing me goodnight. Joaquin stepped aside to let my brother through. Once he was inside, Joaquin closed the door behind him. Now that we were alone, I did the one thing I wanted to do since realizing he was awake. I rushed over to him, jumped into his arms and enveloped his lips with mine. Kissing him reignited the flames that burned between us, fueled by passion and desire. The hungry growl that came from the base of Joaquin's throat had my toes curling. He dove straight into my mouth when I opened for him. His kisses were his way of letting me know he was back, he was home, and I was still his.
I could already feel his growing erection pressed against the flat of my stomach, which sparked my own arousal and the need to feel him inside me. Not in a dream, but in reality. Joaquin gripped the back of my neck holding me in place, his tongue owning every ridge of my mouth. My hands snaked inside his shirt, my fingers tracing over the lines of his rock-hard abs. Fuck, he was as sexy as I remembered. We finally pulled back for air, but Joaquin still held me close. He rested his forehead to mine, breathing in my air like he needed it as a reminder that we were truly here together.
"God, I fucking missed you," Joaquin said hoarsely.
"I missed you too. So much, Joaquin," I said back, then recalled a distant memory that had me punching him in the shoulder.
Joaquin cried out, backing away and rubbing the spot I hit, looking lost. "What the hell was that for?"
"You bastard! You put yourself in danger and told me you loved me knowing damn well I wouldn't be able to respond at that moment. What the hell, Joaquin?"
It took all of five seconds for Joaquin to realize what I was talking about, but when he did, he frowned. "I'm sorry. I wanted you to know how I felt in case—"
"In case you died, right?" I finished for him, still pissed. I lifted a hand to press it against my beating heart. "Do you have any idea how much it pained me to see you pinned down like that while we drove off? It felt like a piece of me was being left behind. My heart felt like it was cracking every day I was without you. I couldn't breathe, Joaquin. Kai and Kao were there for me every step of the way, but we felt incomplete without you."
"I know," he muttered. Looking down, Joaquin inspected the pale slab of skin around his wrists. He ran his hands through them as he said, "No matter how much pain I went through, no matter how much Pierce tried to break me, I never cracked. I pushed Kai out the way to save him, and I don't regret that. I don't even regret being under Pierce's mercy. The only time I was scared that something would happen to you was when Pierce told me you wouldn't be able to stay away from me for too long. That sooner or later your wolf would force you to come looking for me."
My body relaxed as all the anger I felt diminished. There was no point in getting mad about what happened in the past. It wasn't going to solve anything. The important thing was that Joaquin was here now. "Yeah, I heard about that too. My brother told me. It was why Del went to rescue you herself, but Kai joined her. He blamed himself, you know, for what happened to you. He felt so guilty that you risked your life for him, saying that we would've been better off if he was captured and not you."
"He doesn't need to feel guilty about it. It wasn't his fault. And no, we wouldn't have been better off if he was the one captured. I know how Pierce is, the torture would've done Kai in. Either that or the silver would've killed him."
I didn't want to think about the idea of Pierce torturing Kai. I didn't want to think about Joaquin being tortured either. I didn't want to think about anything that had to do with the Wolf Moon, or Pierce, or curses, or magic. Right now, all I wanted was to get reacquainted with my mate and remember why I fell in love with him. I wanted this night to be about us. Joaquin must've noticed the change in my demeanor, his body melting against mine as our lips found each other once again. This one was softer, meant to savor, not devour. It was chaste, and sensual, and intimate. It spoke of possibilities in our future. A future I wanted to have with all my men.
