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I could tell Joaquin wanted to look away from me, but I wouldn't let him. It was no secret how much I hated Pierce, and I meant what I said about only one of us surviving, and I damn well intended to make sure it wouldn't be him. But there was something going on in Joaquin's head that he was hesitant to say. Did something happen when he was locked up in the cellar? "Papi, talk to me. Don't start keeping secrets now. Not when it's this important."
He groaned. "No, I don't think we should save him. I think Clotho is right, he can't be saved even if we wanted to. There's too much hate in his heart to save."
"But you wish we could."
"He is my stepbrother, Rosie," Joaquin reminded me.
"P'Joaquin, where is this coming from all of a sudden?" Kai asked the question that was hovering over all our heads.
"There were some things Pierce said when I was his captive. He reminded me how heavily abused he was by his father, and how nobody cared enough to help him. Not even me or my mother. When Pierce had enough, he killed his father, ending the years of torment and ridicule, but that only seemed to fester his hatred more."
"And you feel guilty for that," I concluded. I heard from Pierce himself how he was trained to become an alpha by his father, and how extraneous it was. I didn't think it was that bad. Not for the first time, I could see the parallels between him and my brother. Javier was also abused and went through hell to become an alpha. In a sick, twisted reality, he could've easily ended up like Pierce with the Blue Moon Pack. What stopped him was me. Not just because I stopped him from losing himself, but because Javier loved me more than anything else. He didn't want me to give up on him, so I didn't.
The same couldn't have been said for Pierce and Joaquin. They were step siblings, and didn't like each other from the start, if I recalled correctly. Pierce didn't have anybody to pull him from the darkness before it could ensnare its shackles around him. It probably was too late to save any shred of humanity he may have had left, and Joaquin knew it. Normally I'd be all for trying to do everything we could to wake him up from whatever nightmare was plaguing him, but then I thought back to all the things Pierce had done to obtain the Wolf Moon's gift. Blackmailing me, nearly killing Kai, kidnapping Abuelita, putting Joaquin through hell, and according to Byron, he killed a pack member in cold blood. The damage was already done.
"Joaquin." I reached out and took his hand in mine. "Blaming yourself for Pierce being the way he is now doesn't undo everything he's done to us. Nor does it erase the fact that he needs to be stopped, or all shifters will be in danger."
"I know," he muttered quietly. "I just wish I could've done more. Maybe then it wouldn't have to be this way."
"Look," Kao spoke up as he pushed back his hair. "I'm no expert on what happens in the universe and why it happens, but I'm pretty sure that if Pierce was the good guy he could've been, then we may not have been here with our girl. Sabina once told us that there are many possibilities on where Fate would lead us, and the Wolf Moon's gift served to add more. We came together because of Pierce, that was what connected us together in the first place. If he was different, and Rosie truly fell in love with him, do you think she would've still wanted us?"
It was an interesting theory to think, how the slightest change could've affected how our lives were now. Would I have still wanted my boys if Pierce acted differently? Would I have found a way to love him? It was hard to think about it since the very idea of ever loving that bastard alpha was comical.
"At this point, I don't think it matters," I said. "This is our life now, and whatever changes could've been made is redundant. Clotho clearly knew that, and that's why she was telling you to fight your inner demons before it consumed you all too."
When I spoke, I looked at all three of my men, knowing that it pertained to all of them. "If we're going to win this war, we all need to stop dwelling on the past, and what could've been. I'm not saying it's easy, but it won't help us now. It would only hinder our progress."
I walked over to Kao and started with him. "You still hold on to the guilt of not being strong enough to protect Kai all those years ago, and now you're worried you won't be enough now. You're so much stronger than you realize, and you're improving more and more. You want to be strong enough, then do it. But you won't accomplish it if you're still stuck on the guilt you felt when you were kids."
I then went to Kai, knowing we already talked about it in the car with Rowan earlier, but felt the need to remind him. "You are not your Berserker Wolf, Kai. And you are not the monster you think you are. You killed out of protection, and you even what happened a few days ago was because you needed protecting. You're now in a position where we can help you tame the wolf, but you have to stop fearing the worst. If you don't want to be a monster, then don't be one. Give yourself more credit, Kai."
My last stop was Joaquin, and I wanted to make sure that he wouldn't fall to the pit of regret and despair for thinking he could've prevented Pierce's reign of terror on everyone. "Everyone is responsible for their actions, Joaquin. Even if you found a way to help him early enough, there's no guarantee that Pierce wouldn't still act the way he is now. You guys were barely siblings, and you were a kid. There was nothing you could've done to save Pierce from his father, and I need you to believe that. The only thing we can do now is make sure he doesn't harm anyone else again."
Neither of them spoke as I relayed my messages to them, but I could still feel the tension in their bodies when I spoke to them individually. I was holding on to faith that we could do this, but not if my mates are drowning in the sea of their past events. I hoped my words sank in, and they would start to let go. Not just to get themselves ready to fight, but for themselves. The only forgiveness they needed was from themselves, and I believe they could do it. It would take time, but we were united for a reason.
I huffed out a breath, hating how the mood shifted during the night. More than ever, we needed to release all the pent-up tension we were feeling. We needed to come together.
14
ROSIE
I was worried that our earlier discussion ruined the mood for our whole night. If they weren't up for a night of passion and lovemaking, I wouldn't force it on them. I would've been just as fine getting to sleep huddled around the men who each held a piece of my heart. As soon as we finally made it to my grandmother's old house, I pulled the key out from my pocket and unlocked the front door. Stepping inside seemed to have flipped a switch on my boys because once that door was closed, and we were draped around the darkness, my mates' shifted wolf eyes glowed with heat as they surrounded me.
I squirmed but stayed still as they left no space between us. Even without partially shifting my eyes, my heightened senses allowed me to see in the dark. Kao was the one who faced me. He leaned forward, tugging on my lips with his teeth as he let out a growl. Joaquin, who was to my left, began trailing kisses from my neck down to my shoulder and collarbone. Kai, on my right, moved my hair away. His nose inhaled my scent before licking a trail up my neck and over to my ear where he sighed heavily before nipping at my lobe.
I moaned into Kao's mouth as he took ownership of my mouth. I could feel myself pooling between my legs, more turned on that I'd ever been. The way these men were working me with their mouths could have me coming on the spot. When Kao pulled away, Joaquin grabbed me by my jaw and forced me to turn to him. His rough dominance had me melting in his embrace before his lips pressed against mine. While he worked himself into my mouth, Kao's lips ghosted over the curves of my breast before licking the thin material of my dress where my nipple was. I gasped in Joaquin's mouth while the twins used their teeth to tease and tug in different areas of my body. Fuck, we needed a lot less clothes on us. All of us.
I sent a telepathic message through our mate bond. Message received. My boys backed away, leaving me panting, needy, and desperate to have them all shove their dicks inside me. "We need to go upstairs, like yesterday," I breathed out.
Kai giggled. "I believe our queen has spoken."
"I declare you're correct," Joaquin said, grabbing the front of his shirt with both hands and ripping it off his body with one pull.
Ave Madre Luna, that was fucking hot!
"Show off," Kao deadpanned, going for the more practical approach by gripping his shirt collar and pulling it up and over his head. He discarded the shirt on the ground and smirked at the brute. "So, what do you plan to do with in the morning? Just walk back shirtless?"
Joaquin shrugged. "What's wrong with that?"
