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“What about all the other stuff I just said?” I mustered a smile, but he did not.
“Please don’t be funny right now.”
“Okay.”
“I don’t want anything to change. I don’t want things to be different.” His grip around me got tighter with every word he spoke. “I don’t want to lose you.”
Every tear that dropped from his eyes was like a gunshot to my sternum. I tried to breathe through the pain. “You will never lose me. Not now, not ever. Do you understand? My heart is yours.” I took another breath. “For as long as you still want it.”
He dropped my duffle from his shoulder and slammed his lips into mine. Our tears mixed together on their way down to our lips. He kissed me with such a sense of urgency, as if it was the last time he would ever kiss me. Though he did not want to say goodbye, his kiss certainly did.
“Sir,” the security guard said. “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to leave her here now.”
When his lips pulled away from mine, he took my breath with him. I felt like I was about to faint, as I begged my knees to stay strong just a few more minutes. I had to keep it together until Chase left. My heart pounded out of my chest as we looked into each other’s eyes one last time, unsure of when we would see each other next.
“Don’t go,” he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut as he pressed his forehead against mine.
“I have to. But I will straighten myself out.”
He kissed my cheek lightly, and then my lips. “I know. I love you.”
“I love you.”
I watched as he hung his head, and turned away.
“You can stay until he turns the corner,” the security guard said gently. “Then you need to board your plane.”
I nodded. “I know.”
“Are you going to be okay?” she asked.
“That I don’t know.” I saw Chase look back over his shoulder one last time before he turned the corner. His eyes were red, his shoulders slouched. It was the last glimpse I had of him before he was gone.
I cried throughout most of the plane ride. I ignored the stares, and prayed that no one asked me if I was okay. I stared out the window, until my eyelids felt heavy. The turbulence shook me awake right before we landed.
Walking through the airport on my home turf, I was reminded of how happy Chase and I were as we held hands on our way to board the plane to California. Now, I rolled my suitcase alone, with a broken heart.
“Oh, God! You look like shit!” Shelly cried, as I approached her outside.
“Shelly!” Brody scolded.
I half-laughed. “I did just take a plane ride from the other side of the country.”
Shelly threw her arms around me. “You look like you haven’t eaten or slept in days. How was the flight?”
I tossed my duffle bag into Brody’s trunk with her still hanging onto me. “I slept most of the plane ride.”
Brody touched my arm. “How was he when you left?”
I tried to swallow the lump that had not left my throat. “I’ve been through a lot of pain in my life. I lost my mom, I lost my dad, and I’ve been trapped inside of a burning car. This… this was worse.”
He gently pulled Shelly off of me. “I’m so sorry, Merr. This separation is only temporary. You guys are going to make it through everything, and you’ll be together again.”
The tears brimmed over my eyelids again. “When?”
He wrapped his arms around me. “I don’t know.”
A car waiting to pull up beeped its horn behind us.
