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Saint scowled at him. "Are you fucking serious? After everything, you would let her do this?"
Lachlan sighed and leaned forward. "What I'm saying is that if it's a way to keep her from having to run, then I think we should at least hear the plan. And then we get the final veto power. There's nothing wrong with having a plan. But this she's-not-doing-it thing doesn't help. If it's a good enough plan, one that even you think will work, don't we owe her peace?"
Everywhere around me, people were having conversations about me like I wasn't there. Gemma, who had been in the corner just listening, sat up. "Um, hi, I've met all of you by now, but for anyone who's forgotten, I'm Gemma, the bestie. My real question is, will he keep coming after her to the point that she has to hide every day of her life?"
Gabe nodded. "Igno will stop at nothing. Absolutely nothing. She can get him to his goal, to what he really wants. She's never going to stop looking over her shoulder. She'll run forever."
His gaze skittered to Saff, who patently ignored him.
Finally, I stood up. "Well, I'm glad that all of you have decided these things for me. You all have your opinions, and you want to carry them out. I understand. But not a single one of you has asked me whatIwant. And I recognize that you're used to that. Making decisions where the fate of the world is at stake. Look, I hear you Saint, I do. I don't want to be bait for this guy. I don't want to invite that kind of chaos into my life. And let's be frank, he managed to get one over on several undercover agents."
Gemma, ever the peanut gallery, called from the corner. "Actually, that was Andrew's fault."
She wasn't wrong. It was Andrew's fault. But the point was, Igno was good. His men were good. And they would keep coming for me. "I don't want to just sit here waiting for something bad to happen. That doesn't work for me. I can't do this. So maybe someone should ask me what I want and what this looks like for me at the end?"
Saint's gaze landed on me. I could tell that he wasn't thrilled. His jaw ticked. "Okay, what do you want?"
"I want a life where I'm not going to have to hide all the time. I'm exhausted. The constant running around and looking overmy shoulder. I'm tired. I want this to be over. I'm a person, a whole-ass human being with a whole-ass opinion, and I want my life back. I want to be able to go to school and know my friends and family are safe. I don't want to worry that someone's flat is going to get blown up or that someone's going to get kidnapped. And if I can do something about that, if I can make a change so that no one has to worry or be afraid, I will. I'm a grown-up, Saint. I didn't ask for any of this, but I'm here now. You can't just tuck me in the corner and hope and pray that you've given me enough protection, because there will never be enough protection. And meanwhile, Igno gets to live a free life, walking around, enjoying his wealth. I want to enjoy my free life too. So whatever it takes, I'm ready to fight back whether you want me to or not."
CHAPTER 40
SAINT
I reached overand took Kaya’s hand as I opened the car door for her. We were on the way to Edinburgh to follow a lead left by her mother. "Thank you for letting me come with you."
"Would you really have let me come on my own?"
I shook my head. "Of course not."
"Then don't sit there and thank me as if I had a choice."
I laughed at that. "Touché. But I'm glad I'm doing it with you."
Kaya gave me a soft smile. "As annoyed as I am to have a constant babysitter, I'm glad you're here too."
We'd started the drive up to Edinburgh early in the morning before the sun rose. We could have flown or taken the helicopter like last time, but it gave us some time together, and some time for Kaya to go through more of the paperwork while I drove. The more we tried to apply logic to the choices her mother had made, the more the answers to her clues eluded us. But what was really fascinating for me was the years that she'd spent on the run with no support from Rogues. Completely on her own, out in the cold, with a daughter to protect. I had no idea how she'd done that.
Kaya didn't know, but I'd pulled her mother's file and reviewed it. I was curious to know what had brought her into thegroup originally and what insights could be gained from her case files. Unfortunately there wasn’t anything useful there. She was a really good agent. Decorated. But she was steadier than she was outstanding. From what the paperwork said, she was quiet, steadfast, and did her job. She understood the assignments, was good in the field and had everyone's back. So why had Rogues hung her out to dry when she left Igno? Why had she been forced to make that choice? I intended to find out. That wasn't what Rogues was about. We didn't leave our agents under fire. We got them out. But I decided that was a problem for another day because we were driving into the city.
Kaya glanced around. "I really hope we find some answers here."
"But if we don't, your mother will have left a trail. She knew what she was doing. She knew that she had to protect you."
She slid me a gaze that made my heart melt. I could see she was grateful to me for saying that. I could see how isolated she must feel in trying to understand what her mother had wanted from her.
Kaya pulled out the sheet with the address on it. "I hope he can help."
"Me too."
More importantly, I hoped we were going to find a friend, not a foe, but I wasn't telling Kaya that. When we arrived at the address in question, Kaya lifted the gate release and took a deep breath. "Well, here goes nothing."
As we approached the door, she hesitated for a moment. "I'm not sure about this."
"Sure you are. You’ve got this. Besides, I'm with you. Anytime you want to leave, we can go, okay?
She slid her tiny hand into mine, and I gave her the strength I could. With another deep breath, she opened the gate as the rainstarted to pelt us as if we'd angered the gods by daring to come this far.
Kaya rang the doorbell, and I could tell she was holding her breath by the set of her shoulders. When footsteps approached, her shoulders started to relax a little. The door opened, and presumably, Martin Altair stood on the other side. I had been tuned in to Kaya's response, but I hadn't been ready for his. His eyes went wide in shock and surprise. And then he staggered backward, clutching his hand to his chest and murmuring, "Holy shit, Dove."
