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I was a coward, though.
I was selfish and I was weak.
I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t build that wall between us. Something wouldn’t let me. The thought of opening our text thread or calling her or going over there to tell her this had to stop made me feel sick.
This woman had a hold on me unlike anything I’d ever experienced.
I couldn’t walk away from her.
This would only end in heartache. I knew that, and I still just couldn’t bloody do it. I wanted to spend every second with her that I could, because it wouldn’t last forever. Her time here was always limited, and I was using that as a pathetic justification for my actions.
I needed a reason to be weak, and that was it.
That she was leaving anyway.
She’d been here for a month already, and although she had a three-month tenancy, I knew her book was going well. She’d said as much at some point last night and I knew she was going home when she was done, so I wanted to make the most of the time left here.
I would probably never see her again after that.
And that was likely for the best.
I could go back to my quiet, simple life where my grandmother made the odd comment about marriage and great-grandchildren, and Ellie could live her happy life in London and find the person who would give her everything she wanted out of it.
I wasn’t sure I was able to be him.
The problem was that there was a part of me that might just want to be.
•••
Winston sat on the top step, right in front of the door, and stared at me.
I stared right back.
“Merow.” It was high-pitched and pained, so I walked up the steps to him and scratched his head. He closed his eyes, leaning into my hand, a weird noise that mildly resembled a purr vibrated out of him.
This cat made the strangest noises, truly.
The door swung open, and Ellie stopped with a start. “What is this? Are you having secret meetings without me?”
I peered up at her, still loving on Winston. “No. I was coming over here and he shouted at me, so I was obligated to pay him attention.”
“That’s not how it works. You have to argue with him for at least five minutes before you give in or he’s going to get spoilt.”
“Yes, this is what’s going to spoil him.” I stood up, fighting back a smile. “I see your brother is still here.”
“Ugh,” she groaned.
Winston stretched and walked inside, rubbing himself against Ellie’s legs as he did, and she frowned after him for a second before turning back to me.
“Give me two minutes to put some shoes on,” she told me, then turned around.
I waited for her to slip her feet into some trainers and grab the keys from the inside of the door, then she stepped outside with a sigh.
“That bad?”
Ellie shrugged. “Not really, it’s just a bit more drama than I have the energy for.” She skipped down the steps ahead of me and put her hands in her dress pockets.
There was only one appropriate thing to say to her here.
