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Shrugging, she popped a piece into her mouth.
“I did push it, though. He asked me to stop, and I didn’t. I haven’t spoken to him for a whole day.”
“Not a whole day,” Meg deadpanned. “However will you cope?”
“That’s not helping.”
“Jesus, you are in so over your head with this guy, aren’t you?”
I didn’t reply, momentarily averting my gaze instead.
“Wow.” She paused, then leant in closer to her camera, making her face bigger on the screen. “I was kidding, but… Ellie, you really like Max, don’t you?”
I looked down at my dusty, crumb-covered keyboard from my date with a bag of salt and vinegar Chipsticks earlier. “It doesn’t matter,” I said quietly, flicking my gaze across the keyboard from one key to the other. “Even if it did, we want very different things out of our lives. I understand him not wanting kids or marriage, more than I did before now that I know why. I’d never try to convince him otherwise. You probably think I’m an idiot and will tell me something else.”
“I’m not going to argue with you.”
“You’re not?”
“No. I’ll give you my opinion, though.”
“I would expect nothing less.”
Her lips twitched. “Just be honest with him, El. I think you owe it to yourself to tell him how you feel. You’re obviously quite close, and I’d be surprised if he didn’t feel a similar way to you. Surely it’s worth opening a discussion about whether there’s a future for you.”
“I don’t think so. Even yesterday he was adamant that kids won’t happen for him, and that’s a dealbreaker for me. I want to get married and have a family whether they’re my kids or I adopt, and they aren’t options for him. He was very clear about that.”
“You’ll always wonder.”
“Maybe I will, but it is what it is. I just… need to finish this book and come home so I can get back to my normal life.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Do you really think your life will ever be normal again after meeting him?”
I swallowed and swept my tongue over my lips, then reached forwards and closed the lid of my laptop down, ending the call and the conversation in one sweep of pettiness.
I didn’t need to answer the question.
Because no.
It wouldn’t.
My life would never, ever be the same after meeting Max.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
MAX
Reality Bites Harder
Icouldn’t shake the heavy aching feeling that had settled on me since I’d walked away from Ellie.
I shouldn’t have walked away from her.
I shouldn’t have opened up like that and then left. It wasn’t because I needed space. It wasn’t because I needed to be alone.
It was because I was terrified.
Terrified that I’d opened up to her in a way I hadn’t to anyone else, perhaps ever.
