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“But he didn’t deserve you.” Her eyes welled with tears. “He didn’t deserve your mum, and he didn’t deserve you. You are far more of a man than he ever would have been. You are so much like your mother that I don’t believe you could ever be anything like him.”
I dipped my chin, fighting back my own tears. I’d never heard her criticise my father before—she’d always defended him, as any parent would, and I didn’t know what to say to her.
Because I felt the same.
He was my father.
I loved him.
He’d been my hero for the longest time, until he’d become the villain in my life.
I hated him.
He took the person I’d loved most in my life away from me, and what should have been a peaceful retirement for my grandmother after my grandpa died turned into her raising another child.
Me.
She hadn’t deserved that, either.
“You didn’t deserve what he did to you, Grandma,” I said quietly, meeting her gaze. “You went through so much after Grandpa died, and you shouldn’t have had to raise me, too. He treated us all horribly, and I think the sooner we realise that he was just a bad person unwilling to do anything to change himself, the better we’ll be.”
“Oh, I know that, Max. Your father wasn’t a good person. Not when he died, anyway. Good people don’t do what he did.”
“It’s not your fault. You know that, don’t you?” I walked over to her and took her hands. “You gave him everything. He had the world at his feet, and he chose not to make the most of it. He chose the worst possible path for all of us.”
“Oh, I know. If I ever doubt it, I just look at you, my darling.” She squeezed my hands tightly. “You are the single best thing he ever did in his life, and for as much as I wish your mum could see you now, I am so grateful that I’m lucky enough to be here to do just that. I am the luckiest woman to have been able to raise you into the wonderful man you are today.”
Shit.
I was going to cry.
“Which is why you need to tell Ellie that you’re in love with her,” Grandma continued softly. “My greatest wish in my life is to see you happy, and I have never seen you quite as happy as you are when you’re with her.”
“I don’t want to hurt her.”
“You have to stop carrying his burden as if it’s your own. Let go of the guilt that you couldn’t protect your mum.” She held my hands tighter. “You were a child, Max. Protecting her was not your job. She wouldn’t want you to punish yourself for your entire life because of what Michael did. Isabel would want you to grab life by its balls, to be happy, to fall in love and live how she did. Because despite what Michael did to her, she always looked on the bright side.”
“Like Ellie.”
“Like Ellie.”
“But we want different things. She wants marriage and a family and—” I stopped, swallowing.
Grandma raised her eyebrows. “The family that you do actually want, despite your protestations. Don’t argue with me, Max. I know you do,” she added when I did my best to glare at her. “When Matthew told you that Eva was pregnant, you were thrilled for him, but I could see your sadness. Alexander is married now, and his grandmother told me that he and Adelaide are talking about trying for a baby soon to give Olympia a sibling.”
I swallowed.
“Fred will meet someone soon. William will find a lovely young woman to marry. Even Gabriella and that lovely young man Miles are going to get engaged soon, if what Cat tells me is true. Hugo and… Stella? Sasha?”
“Sophie.”
“Sophie! That’s her name. Their cottage is almost done and then they’re moving in together, according to Evelyn. Then there will be Spencer, Oliver, George… One by one, they’ll fall, and you will have the same miserable look on your face as soon as you turn away.”
I slowly let out a deep breath.
“I know you want that. And you have a chance, Max. She’s right here, five minutes away, and I see the way she looks at you. It’s the same way you look at her—like she’s the whole world.”
“Grandma…”
