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“I didn’t tell you because you’d tell Chris and then he’d tell Aiden. I couldn’t risk Aiden finding out. Aiden’s relationship with his father is on rocky ground as it is.”
She shakes her head. “You should’ve trusted me. I know trust is a big thing for you, but I’ve known you for most of my life. If you didn’t want Chris to know, I wouldn’t have told him. Chicks before dicks, remember?”
I half-smile. “All I can say is I’m sorry. I really don’t know how I’m going to get past this ingrained fear I have of men. I mean, Niall turned out like his father, so why wouldn’t Aiden do the same?”
“That’s not fair! I don’t think Aiden’s anything like Niall. Not. At. All. I’m confused as to why you think he would go down that path.”
Urgh, she’s not getting it.
“Sarah, I don’t think I can do this anymore. I am scared of men and how they may turn out. Let’s face it, my track record isn’t good. I mean look at Aiden right now. His knuckles are grazed, and his eyebrow is cut. He obviously beat Jason severely for his knuckles to look like that and be questioned so heavily by the police. How do I know he won’t get angry and do that to me?”
“Jeni, listen… Aiden would never hurt you. He loves you too much. Jason attacked you, Jeni. Aiden was protecting, you!”
“Jason said he loved me and look what he did,” I rebut, pointing at my face.
Sarah sighs. “Okay, this isn’t getting us anywhere. Maybe take a few days to think about it. Don’t make any irrational decisions just yet. You’ve been through something extremely traumatic, and I honestly don’t think you’re thinking straight because you’re not making a lot of sense.”
“Sarah, I’m thinking the clearest I have in months.”
She grimaces. “Please… talk this through with Aiden before you decide on your next step. It’s only fair that he knows how you’re feeling.” I take in a deep breath and then sigh. “You’re like the sister I never had, and I’m really worried about you and not just your physical health, your mental health as well,” she admits, taking my hand in hers and holding it tightly.
“I know, but don’t worry. I’m fine. A bit bruised and battered. I will figure it out.”
“But what about the way you’re reacting to men?”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s like you’re scared of them… all. First with the male nurse and then Aiden—”
“I was beaten… by my ex-partner. I think I have the right to be a little fucking uneasy around men, don’t you?” I defend.
“I’m worried, that’s all. You might need some help with this.”
“I know.”
“Look, Aiden’s outside. Do you want me to tell him to come in? I can stay right here if you need me.”
Why can’t she understand what I’m saying?
“For fuck’s sake, Sarah. Have you not listened to a word I’ve said? I don’t want to see him. I don’t want him near me. I don’t want… him, or any man,” I yell.
“But, Jeni—”
“No. No buts, Sez. You don’t understand…” I run my hand through my hair. “Just leave.”
She shakes her head. “Jeni?”
“Go!” I yell.
Sarah puts her hands up in defeat. Tears pool in her eyes as she gets up and leaves.
Why won’t anyone listen to me?
I don’t want a man in my life—any man—they just cause me so much pain. Honestly, right now, I can’t see myself being with anyone ever again. All I can see is a future where I’m on my own. My eyes flood with tears as I curl myself into a ball and cry into my pillow.
A little while later, a nurse strolls in. “What’s wrong, Jenifer? Are you in pain?” I shake my head. “Then what’s wrong, sweetheart?”
I can’t say anything because I’m incapable right now. Maybe my head is so screwed I’m not making sense. The problem is, in my mind, I am making perfect sense.
