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She brings a chair over next to my bed and sits beside me, laying a gentle hand on my arm, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Let it all out, sweetheart. You’ve been through something horrific, and you’ve every right to cry. To be honest, this is cathartic and the first step to healing. I’m here, and I won’t go until you tell me to.”
“Thank you,” I mumble through my sobs.
I continue to cry, and it feels good to let my emotions out. The nurse doesn’t leave my side, moving her hand to mine. After what I’m sure is hours, my crying subsides to hiccups and the occasional tear running down my cheek.
Dinner is brought into my room, and the nurse smiles at me. “I think you should try to eat something,” she urges calmly. She brings the table across so it’s over me, and I sit up as best I can on the bed. She lifts the cover off the plate to reveal shepherd’s pie, and it instantly reminds me of Nana.
Oh, goddammit! An overwhelming sense of grief for the family I’ll lose if I leave Aiden, a family I have grown to love, washes over me.
The nurse senses my shift in my mood, so she sits back down next to my bed. “You know, everyone is worried about you. Maybe you should let some of them in, but only if you’re ready, of course.” She treads carefully and speaks quietly. “Now, eat your dinner. You have to keep up your strength.” I pick up a fork and start to eat the lukewarm pie. “That’s a good girl.” She leans back in her chair as I place another piece into my mouth. “How are you feeling now?”
“Better. Thank you for staying. It’s helping. What time does your shift end?”
“Never mind that. I’m here for long as you need me, Jenifer.”
I know I can’t keep her for much longer, she’s been in here for hours.
Another nurse walks into my room. “Sandy, your shift ended about…” she looks at her watch, “… four hours ago.”
Sandy looks at the new nurse with her brows furrowed while I almost choke on some of my pie.
“Oh God, Sandy. I’m so sorry.”
She takes my hand. “You needed me. And I won’t go anywhere until you tell me to, remember?”
“Then go. Don’t stay here when you could be at home with your family. Thank you so much for your help and support, but I’m fine now. I’m sure…” I look at the new nurse.
“Gwen,” she tells me.
“I’m sure Gwen will help me if I need it. Please, I feel horrible. You should be at home, not here with some nut job like me.”
She grimaces. “Jenifer, you’re not a nut job. Like I said before, you’ve been through something horrific, and it’s okay to be a little confused and scared of the world. As for family, my patients are my family, so I’m right where I need to be.”
I concede and let her stay.
Gwen walks out of the room, leaving me with my new friend.
Glancing up, I see Mom standing in the doorway, smiling at me. She must have arrived as Gwen was leaving. “Hi, Mom.”
“Hi, sweetheart. You look a little better.”
Sandy stands and walks to the other side of my bed, letting Mom take her chair.
“Thank you,” Mom says to Sandy.
“I do feel a bit better, Mom. Sandy’s been helping me.”
Mom smiles. “I was talking to the doctor, and he said you might be able to go home tomorrow.”
I frown when I realize my home is with Aiden, and my eyes widen.
Is that fear I am feeling?
Oh shit! I take in a deep breath.
Mom watches me carefully. “Sweetheart, don’t you want to go home?”
Sarah’s words ring in my ear. “Maybe take a few days to think about it. Don’t make any irrational decisions just yet.”
