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“I lost our baby, didn’t I?” A slow tear slides down my face.
He swallows hard and sits on the edge of my bed, wrapping his arms around me. “Oh, Jeni. This is not your fault. Our baby was hurt when you fell. There’s nothing you could’ve done.” A tear forms in his eye, but somehow, he manages to blink it away. “How long have you known you were pregnant?” Aiden pulls me close to him.
“I didn’t know for sure. I was going to tell you when you came back from your appointment today.”
He nods and kisses my head. “Try not to worry.” He sniffs like he’s holding back his emotion.
“I felt dizzy on the ladder, and…” I pause trying to remember. “I don’t even know what happened. I’m sorry.”
He gently strokes my hair. “Shh… it’s okay. You’re going to be fine. That’s the main thing.” He holds me while guilt and depression overtake me that somehow I was responsible for our baby dying.
A nurse comes in to take my vitals. “How are you feeling, Jenifer?” she asks when she wraps a blood pressure cuff around my arm.
I can’t answer her, so I don’t bother.
How do I feel?
Empty.
Lost.
Cold.
My baby. Our baby. Is gone.
I don’t say anything, curling up in Aiden’s arms while she does her tests.
Aiden gently kisses the top of my head and holds me tightly, which is all I need from him right now. Aiden is all I need to help me through this.
“We are sending you home today, but you need plenty of rest. You must refrain from intercourse or insertion for at least a week,” the nurse informs me after a night of rest in the hospital.
I glance at Aiden, and he smiles, trying to reassure me. He only wants to take care of me, and I know he’s going to do a great job.
A short time later, we are making our way slowly to the car. Aiden lifts me into the seat, walks around to his door, and slides in. He starts the ignition, and I put my hand on top of his on the gear stick. He smiles at me warmly, then pulls out of the parking lot with a squeal of his wheels. We drive home in silence as I sit numbly.
I feel so responsible.
Miserable.
I’ve lost our baby.
Aiden pulls up in the parking garage. He picks me up and carries me to the elevator. Once we’re inside, he heads to the ensuite and places my feet to the floor so we can have a shower. I’m like a robot as I take off my clothes and get under the hot water.
Aiden steps in and slowly washes me, careful of my cuts and abrasions as I stand motionless.
My brain isn’t registering any thoughts as I let him take care of me. I’m simply going through the damn motions.
We get out, and he dries us both in silence, then lifts and carries me to the bedroom where he lays me on the bed to rest.
“Jeni?” he asks quietly.
My sad eyes meet his, and they convey the same emotions I’m feeling. He’s hurting, too.
I wish I had the strength to be there for him in this.
It was his baby too.
I’m simply not strong enough right now.
