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It’s getting late in the afternoon, and Aiden’s been gone for nearly two hours. I sit on the sofa staring at the elevator doors, waiting for him to come home to me. I’ve tried calling him, twenty-four times to be exact, but he keeps ignoring me. I feel like a stalker. I’ve screwed up, and I know it. Now he’s going to leave me.
They say couples who experience miscarriages are more likely to split. I feel empty, like a part of me is dying and only he can bring me back to life.
But will he even want me anymore?
I can’t stand the thought of being without him. I don’t know if I could even survive if he left me. I take my eyes off the elevator and look down at my hands in my lap. My tear-soaked face feels horrible, and my eyes are sore from the number of tears I’ve shed. I head to the bathroom to wash my face. Looking in the mirror, my blotchy red skin is completely overwhelmed with sadness. Exhaling, I turn on the cold water, splashing my face. The coldness of the liquid does nothing to quell the fire of sadness burning in my heart.
The elevator chimes, making my pulse quicken, so I rush to dry my face with the hand towel.
“Jeni?” Aiden calls out. “She’s left me,” he mumbles under his breath.
I hang the towel. “I’m in here,” I reply and rush into the bedroom.
“Oh, thank God.” Aiden hurries to me, goes to wrap his arms around me for a hug, but then he backs away like he’s afraid of my reaction. So, I move in to hug him instead. He inhales sharply, hesitating to hold me, and it breaks my fucking heart.
“Hold me,” I ask softly.
His arms wrap around me, and his head falls to my shoulder. “I’m sorry. I know what happened last night was… well, it wasn’t me. I let anger gain control, and it’ll never, ever happen again. I can promise you that unequivocally.”
“I know, and I’m sorry, too.”
“You’ve nothing to be sorry for. I needed to clear my head. I shouldn’t have left the way I did. It was unfair to you. I can’t believe what I did last night, and I’m going to make it up to you. I know you have issues from your past that we need to discuss, and that more importantly, things are strained with my father, and I know you’re tolerating him for my sake.” I pull back from him, still in his arms, so I can see his face. “I’ve been thinking, though. What did you mean when you said that Jason held you down and showed you who was boss?” he asks.
I guess now’s the time Aiden knows about my past. “I know I haven’t told you much about Jason, and there are a couple of reasons for that. One, because he’s not worth talking about, and two, because I know it’ll make you angry to hear how he treated me.”
“Jeni, if it helps me to understand your fears, then maybe it’s time I know more about your ex.” He takes my hand.
I nod and inhale sharply. “Jason, as you know, was controlling. He was strict with me and what I was allowed to do. If I did something that wasn’t what he deemed to be right, he would yell, belittle me, throw things at me, and even, on occasion, raise his fists and hit me. He was scary most of the time and out of control…” I tense a little with the returning memories. “He always had this crazy look in his eye just before he would snap. I’ll never forget it…” A shiver runs down my spine as a memory of his face and that exact look flashes through my mind.
“I knew he was draining my confidence, and in the end, I’d let him hold me down and do whatever he wanted because that was easier than fighting him off. If he wanted to hurt me, he could, easily. And he did, often…” I shake my head. “He made me believe that no one in the world would want me. That I was pathetic, useless, and a waste of space. So, when he would demand that I do something for him, I did it because I thought no one in the world wanted me but him. I thought that was what relationships were like.”
I turn up my lip in a half-smile. “Annie having an affair with Jason was the best thing that could’ve happened to me. She saved me from a lifetime of torment with him...” I let out a long, drawn-out exhale. “I only hope she isn’t going through the same abuse I went through. Aiden, I just wasn’t strong enough to leave him.”
Looking at me, he shakes his head as his face turns a bright shade of red. “I can’t believe he did that to you, Jeni. I had no idea. I knew he wasn’t great partner material from the few things you’ve said about him, but I never expected that.” A vein pulses in his neck as he exhales like he’s trying to calm down. “I’m so fucking furious right now. I swear to God, if I ever get to lay my hands on that bastard, I probably won’t be able to stop myself.” He clenches his fists as his breathing becomes harsh.
And this right here is why I didn’t want to tell him.
I take his fists, unclench them, and thread my fingers through his. He relaxes and looks into my eyes. His breathing’s heavy like he’s about to combust as I kiss each hand.
“Aiden, it’s all right. That part of my life is over.”
He looks down like he’s ashamed. “I wish I knew you then, so I could have helped you. And just so you know, I’ll never treat you the way that fucking prick treated you. Ever. It’s not in me to be that way. Yes, I like to have control, but I wouldn’t… no, I couldn’t… ever go to that extreme.”
“Where did you go, just now?”
“Not far, down to the parking garage. I sat in my car the whole time. I couldn’t actually leave.”
I half-smile. “I waited on the sofa staring at the elevator, hoping you’d come home.”
“I shouldn’t have left. I needed to wrap my head around what you said. But you’ve no need to be scared of me because that guy, that angry guy, he’s never coming back. You don’t have to be scared, ever again.”
“Good. I’m glad. Would you like me to call Sarah and cancel tonight?”
He shakes his head. “It’ll be good to get out of the apartment for a while. Unless, of course, you want to cancel?”
“No, it’s a good idea, but I better go and put on some makeup to cover the puffy red eyes.” I laugh.
“Let’s forget about it and have a good night out with our friends.”
