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“You look . . .” A soft laugh puffs out and he runs his palm over his jawline, glancing to his side for a moment. He almost seems embarrassed, which tugs at my lips, tempting me to grin. His focus comes back to my face, and for the first time since the night we talked at that party—sincethenight—his eyes are clear, and blue, and full of kindness. “You shouldn’t hide yourself, Lily. You’re very pretty.”
My lips buzz from his attention. I know I’m blushing. My cheeks tighten and my legs feel wobbly.
Theo’s stare hovers on my face for several seconds, and it’s the first time since I’ve been back that his expression when looking at me isn’t tinged with some sort of disgust. Maybe that’s not the right word. I’ve been repelling him, and I understand why. I don’t have to, though. We really could help each other. To heal.
Almost as if he caught himself staring too long, his mouth quirks up on one side, and he bites the edge of his tongue in a guilty way. He twists and takes the glass back in his hand, bringing it to his lips and tilting it back, swallowing every last drop. He runs his forearm along his mouth and releases anahwhile his eyes roam about the room.
“I should probably make sure everyone here understands that this place is to be kept in total secret. A part of me is sorry I ever shared it.” He shuffles his feet and adjusts his sleeves, which have crept up his muscular forearms, and though his words were probably just some afterthought, they stab at my chest.
He means me. He shouldn’t have shared this place with me.
I turn slowly in place as he walks past me. He stops with his back to me, and I swallow my breath. His head falls forward and my eyes move to his hand, his finger tapping on the rim of his empty glass, the way my stepfather does when he’s considering how to say something just right to my mom.
Twisting his neck, he looks back over his shoulder, and I glance up in time to catch him taking one more glance at my chest before flitting his gaze up to my eyes.
“We should head into the city together. On Tuesday?”
“Okay,” I respond. “I can . . . drive?”
“We’ll take the train,” he says, our eyes locked for a beat before he nods. “The T has a stop a block from their building. And parking is a bitch.”
“R-r-right. We’ll take the T.” I’ve taken the train twice since I’ve been at Welles, and both of those trips were under Anika’s guidance. I like the control of having my car, of leaving places when I want to and at least having a way to drive around lost on my own.
Theo smirks at my attempt to sound like a local, like he does. He doesn’t exploit it to make fun of me, though. And there’s a touch of warmth to his gaze that passes over me one last time before he turns and strides across the room.
Maybe he’s all right letting me into his secret space, for just a little while.
Chapter12
Theo
“You’re riding the train together for convenience, and it has nothing to do with you wanting to spend extra time with Lily?”
I’m not having the greatest day, and Cameron is pushing things by questioning me and staring at me with that smug look on his face.
“You do realize I’m tying silk around your neck right now, right?” I thread the long end of his tie through the loop and slip the knot tight against his throat, maybe a little too tight. He’s lucky his windpipe has room.
He coughs and steps back, laughing as he sticks a finger in the collar of his shirt to loosen my work.
“Yeah, but I can’t help it. I like to poke the bear.”
I roll my eyes. Truthfully, Cameron would get off on poking anactualbear. He likes to step into confrontation. It feeds an insatiable adrenaline rush for him.
“What am I supposed to do for an entire semester? Sprint away from her while we go to the same building in downtown Boston twice a week? Leave on the fuckin’ four-thirty train and get there three hours too damn early so I can avoid her?” I go to work on my own tie.
“You could always drive your car,” he says.
My hands drop to my sides and I tilt my head to the side, glaring at him. I don’t have to respond with words. I shared that car with Anika, even though she never drove it. I took her anywhere she needed to be. Time spent in that sedan is filled with memories of time spent with her. If it were up to me, I would have left it back home. My mom insisted I might need it, though, and I am all about keeping Mom happy.
“I’m being civil. I believe that’s what everyone wants me to be.”
“Not me. I like it when you’re uncivil. Makes me seem like I’ve got my shit together.” He grins, satisfied with his comeback, then drops his hands in his pockets. I blink slowly and do my best to not react . . .at all.
I tug on my Windsor knot, forcing it straight. It kind of pisses me off that Cameron’s turned out better.
“Maybe I’m coming to terms with the fact that what happened was an accident, and not Lily’s fault.” My mouth waters just saying those words out loud. I think maybe I realize they’re true, and that leaves everything rawer and more open-ended somehow. Lily was at least an answer to the impossiblewhy.If she’s not to blame then really, all that’s left is life being cruel and fleeting.
“Imagine how she feels,” Cameron says.
