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I make another attempt at him but this time he grabs my wrists and holds them tight against his chest, rendering my upper body helpless. I kick his shin, pissed off at being tethered.
“Oww!” he howls, a slight laugh coming through along with his wince. His grip tightens on my wrists, and I bring my foot back to kick at him again, but he preempts me, holding me out from his body like some wild animal he’s rescued.
“I couldn’t find you!” Tears prick the corners of my eyes, and I hate that I can’t wipe them away.
I suck in my lips and try to breathe them away with a long draw of air through my nose. But it only makes them come faster, falling down my cheeks. I shake my head and tuck my chin before my body deflates and I give in to one big sob.
“Morgan, hey . . .” James says, his grip loosening. I no longer want to run away, but I can’t bring myself to collapse into him, either.
I cover my face with my palms and cry a little harder, my body shaking. Everyone sees this, and the silence around me makes everything feel worse.
“Morgan, I was getting you these,” James says.
My stomach squeezes at the sound of his voice and I uncover my eyes to see him holding a bouquet of yellow roses. Half of the twigs of baby’s breath poking out from the sides are snapped and dangling from the stem. My lip trembles as I blubber out a short laugh and take them into my hands, picking away the dead garnish and smelling the yellow blossoms.
“It was the best I could do in a pinch. I made Brooklyn drive me to a gas station, and they dropped me off here.” I don’t miss the fact Brooklyn didn’t stay for this, and I know it’s because I have work to do there.
“They’re notthatugly,” I say, which draws a sweet laugh from his chest.
“You’re such a snob,” he teases, taking measured steps closer to me, inches at a time, until I finally give in and flatten myself against his chest.
“I’m not a snob,” I defend, knowing very well that I am.
“Okay,” he says, kissing the top of my head. “Whatever you say.”
* * *
For the last hour, I let life feel normal. We ate burgers and listened to Lily share things about the story she wrote forThe Affiliate. I can’t wait to get my own copy in print. There’s something about seeing Anika memorialized that way that feels like closure. It was a beautiful tribute Lily wrote, and the fact she let Brooklyn and me add our own words was special. I don’t think Theo is going to let her give him credit for it, and I love that he doesn’t want her to. Seeing how they are together is inspiring.
The drive back to campus is nothing like the trip to Biff’s. We all talk and laugh in the car, and when the subject of Toby comes up, we are merciless about his lack of talent and class. Lily and Theo slip away when we walk toward our dorms, leaving James and me alone with our new awkward.
“I’d invite you up, but I think Brooklyn is up there and she and I aren’t exactly okay right now,” I admit, sucking in my bottom lip.
“Maybe you should do something about that?” James leans his head to the side and reaches forward, taking my free hand.
I hug my flowers to my chest and smell them just as he reaches toward them with his free hand and prunes away a dead stem.
“They really aren’t that ugly, are they?” he jokes.
A soft laughter brews in my chest and I shake my head.
“You can come hang with me for a while, if you want,” he says, tilting his head the other way, toward his family’s apartment.
“What if your dad is there?” I ask, a sharp pang taking aim at my chest.
James shrugs and looks down at me with soft eyes as he steps in closer.
“I told him he needs to get to know you. And he can’t do that if I don’t bring you around, so . . .”
I exhale, my lungs opening to take in more air than I think I have in four days.
“You want him to get to know me?” I say.
He nods.
“I do,” he says, dropping his lips to mine for a soft, gentle kiss. “And he owes you an apology. As do I,” he adds.
I lift my flowers up between us.
