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I take out a cigarette and spark it up while looking out on the lake. It’s the first time since I decided to take the girl that I’ve really had time to think straight. I fully understand why all my club brothers are mad at me. We had a plan, and I went in and fucked it up. That doesn't mean for one second that I regret what I've done.
Wondering where she would be, right now, if I hadn't searched that place and taken her makes me willing to deal with the consequences. Seeing her cowering on the floor with that barbaric collar around her neck makes me want to kill that bastard all over again.
It’s me that’s shaking now, my eyes staring at the bathroom door, knowing that she's on the other side of it. That pure naked body of hers in my shower.
You’re as twisted as all those fuckers, I tell myself, looking away when a sick feeling turns in my stomach.
“You couldn’t save me. How are you gonna help her?” Beth’s voice talks over my own. I can just imagine her standing in front of me now… judging me.
So I close my eyes, count to ten and breathe until I find my calm again. But it won’t be for long, it never is.
The water is warm and soothes my skin until I turn around, and it hits the welts on my back. I shudder when I think about how bad it could have got if he hadn’t come for me.
Everything is so uncertain. I don’t know where things go from here or who these people are, but I have no choice but to trust them.
I have nothing, not even memories, that can help me find myself again. The people here were mad at him. I saw the shock from everyone when he spoke and noticed how he avoided their questions. There’s something pent up inside him, almost like he fears himself. And yet I feel so safe with him.
My muscles ache almost as much as my head does, and I haven’t been standing for long before I start feeling dizzy. I ensure that I’m clean of any blood before stepping out of the shower and wrapping the towel, that’s hanging on the rail, around my chest. There’s a mirror in front of me, and my reflection looks so different from the one I'd looked at earlier.
“There are no masters here.” His words repeat in my head as I pull my fingers through my long brown hair.
If that’s true, why do I feel such a strong need to belong to him?
I shake the feeling away and dress in the clothes he’s put out for me. They’re far too big, even when I pull the drawstring on the bottoms as tight as I can. They fall off my hips, so I roll the waistband over a couple of times, hoping it will keep them up.
When I open the bathroom door and don’t see him, I immediately panic. He didn’t want me here. I had to beg him to let me stay with him. What if he’s changed his mind?
The doors at the back of the room that lead outside are open, and a thin net curtain blows in through the chilly evening air. I make my way toward them, hoping that’s where I'll find him, and my nerves instantly calm when I see him sitting on a chair staring out onto a huge lake. He startles to his feet when he notices me, and I can’t figure out what it is about me that has the power to make such a brute of a man nervous. It's so ironic it almost makes me laugh.
I can’t remember ever laughing.
I should ask him if he’s okay. The wound on his side looked deep. But I get the impression he doesn’t like me talking to him. Screwy, if that's his name, prefers silence, and I don’t want to be any trouble.
“Stop that.” He shakes his head, his eyebrows creasing together and making him look angry again. I blink back tears because the thought of making him mad has my stomach in knots.
“Sorry.” I stare back at the floor, remembering what my trainer said. You should never look a man in the face unless he tells you to. I’ve been looking at Screwy far too much.
I can’t help it… He’s beautiful.
“I mean, stop looking like you're waiting for my permission for something.” He puts a cigarette in his mouth and sets it alight, sucking at it hard. “You okay?” He twists his head away to release the smoke from his mouth out over the lake.
I nod back, not really knowing where I should place myself, until eventually, I build up enough courage to step out onto the deck so I can be closer to him. I admire the lake stretched out in front of us. I never thought I'd see anything like this. The four walls of my room had become all I knew for so long. All aspects of the world beyond it had vanished just like my memories. But there’s something familiar in the way the water shimmers under the moon.
“You hungry?” Screwy scratches the back of his neck like he’s unsure how to act around me. He has no reason to feel awkward. I don’t know how to behave around anyone except my trainer.
“No, thank you.” I appreciate his offer, but I couldn't stomach anything right now. There's too much spinning around in my head, too many questions I want answered that I’m too afraid to ask.
“Why did you come for me?” I blurt out the question that's screaming at me the loudest and hope it doesn’t make things any tenser.
“You looked like you needed saving.” His answer seems so simple, and the low rumble in his voice does something strange to my insides. It doesn’t provoke fear or nerves. It spreads a heat that’s comforting.
“Your friends are mad at you,” I continue, my need to understand this man better suppresses the rules I’ve been taught.
It was impossible not to pick up on the hostility back where we were. Screwy has upset them by taking me away from that place.
“Don’t worry about them. I’ll handle it.” Turning his back on me, he looks out to the lake and grips his huge hands around the wooden rail. He’s still not wearing a shirt, and as I watch his shoulders rise and fall, I can’t help but stare at the muscles in his strong, powerful back and the drawings on his skin.
“I’ll show you to your room.” He turns around after a long silence, and I freeze at his words. I don’t want another room. I like it out here in the open, where the air is fresh, and I can see the sky.
