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The thought of walls closing in around me and locked doors makes my skin feel clammy, and my pulse starts to race.
“I don’t want a room again. Please.” My voice shakes as it breaks through my lips, and I take a few paces back from him. Screwy’s eyes grow wild, the same way they did when I offered him my chain. It’s a little unnerving and unpredictable. He’s furious, but it doesn’t seem to be directed at me.
The silence balancing between us is tense, and I listen to the slow, deep breaths he takes, his solid chest lifting and all the muscles in his stomach tightening. He’s holding back, sparing me from something he wants to unleash. Maybe he’s worried he’ll scare me.
“You ain’t no prisoner. You’re free to leave the room whenever you want,” he assures me, struggling to maintain a calm in his voice. I watch him storm past me back inside the cabin and quickly follow after him. The door he holds open for me leads into a room much smaller than the one my trainer kept me in. There’s a double bed and a lamp on the nightstand, which he switches on for me.
“You sleep here.” He refuses to look me in the eye like I cause him some kind of hurt, and I watch his Adam’s apple bob beneath his beard as he swallows deep and his jaw tightens. He regrets bringing me here, I can tell, and I hate that I’ve disappointed him.
“Where do you sleep?” the question comes out before I can stop it. I need to know he’s close by. What if my trainer comes looking for me? He’ll be crazy mad when he finds out what happened. He’ll want to punish me.
I’m confident that the man in front of me wouldn’t let it happen, that he’d protect me, even if he is mad at me himself.
“In my room, the other side of the wall,” he gestures his eyes to the wall behind me, and I look to check, despite knowing it’s there. I don’t like the idea of a wall between us, it seems too much of a barrier, but I nod back at Screwy gratefully, anyway.
“Can I keep the door open and the light on?” I ask before he leaves. I hate the dark. It doesn’t matter how long I was kept in that room. I never got used to the fear I felt when the lights went out.
“Sure.” Those dark blue eyes roll over me one last time before he backs out of the room and leaves me alone.
I pace the floor for a little while before getting into the bed. The mattress is much softer than the hard floor I’m used to sleeping on, and the low glow from the lamp brings a little comfort as I settle beneath the blanket and try to switch my brain off.
“I'm safe,” I whisper to myself, trying to convince myself to believe the words as I close my eyes. And I say them again at least a hundred more times in my head, before I finally shut off.
I don’t know what time I fell asleep last night, but as I slowly open my eyes, fragments of yesterday’s events slowly start coming back to me.
The girl. The collar. Me bringing her here to my cabin.
I got to sort this out with the club.
Jessie couldn’t even look at me when we got back, and Prez was pissed as hell. I scrub my hand over my face, preparing to get out of bed and face up to all the shit. When I go to stand up, I see her fragile little body curled up on my floor, and suddenly I freeze. She must have crept in here at some point while I was sleeping.
The T-shirt and sweats I gave her last night swamp her tiny frame, and laying here with her eyes closed, she looks even more helpless.
I fail to understand how anyone could want to hurt her.
Doing my best not to wake her, I quietly crouch down and lift her from the floor. It feels strange that her body so naturally relaxes into mine, and the way her tiny steady breaths fall against my bare chest makes my heart fucking skip.
I should take her back to her room, but instead, I lay her out on my bed, and the sweet humming sound she makes as she snuggles into my pillow warms the hollow of my chest. I don’t let it settle there too long, quickly shifting away and pulling the covers over her.
I got to make sure she eats today. Who knows when she last had something decent? She’s so small and weak. She needs to get her strength up. Standing back, I admire her for a while. She’s the first woman I’ve ever had in my bed, and as she fidgets to find herself a more comfortable spot, sighing contentedly when she does, I let myself wonder what it might be like to be lying beside her.
No! I stop myself from going there. I gotta cut all that shit out. It’s fucking with my head.
Checking the time on my phone, I realize it’s still early. It’s unlikely anyone's up yet. But I can’t be in here with her. Just looking at her fucking hurts. That doesn't mean I don’t appreciate the way she looks at me. It’s different from the way everyone else does. She looks at me like she needs me, and it makes me want to give her fucking everything in return.
I want to do right by her, to find her family so she can start to live again.
I head to the kitchen and make myself a coffee, then sit at the table and stare at the cup while I try to figure out what the hell I’m gonna do about the shit I’ve landed the club in. My coffee's cold by the time my phone vibrates with a message from Prez.
Church 30 mins
It’s time to face up to the shit I’ve caused.
I don’t want to wake the girl up, but I don’t want her to think I’ve abandoned her, and I’m just about to text Squealer to ask if Alex will come to sit with her when my front door taps and they both come through it.
“Morning, bro.” Squealer looks around the place curiously. I don't know what the fuck he’s expecting to find.
“You got any Apple Jacks? We’re all out.” Alex doesn’t wait to be invited before she starts opening the cupboards and scanning the shelves. I get up, pour my cold coffee down the drain, then open the right cupboard and grab her what she’s looking for.
